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RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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If my husband says that he loves me, but won't touch me or

Customer Question

If my husband says that he loves me, but won't touch me or be intimate with me....what is wrong. I work out, i take care of my looks.....i am so unhappy. I'd get more sex if I were in prison.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  RealSupport replied 5 years ago.
Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this situation. It could be truly frustrating to work so hard as you seem to do without getting any reciprocity from your very spouse.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

For how long have you been married and how long ago did this issue appear?

Customer:

we have only been married for 4 years. This is what is so puzzling. 1.5 years ago, he said he wanted a divorce because of the way i spend money...but he was the most sexual man for about a week before he left. Then he came back to live after about 4 months. No explanation, no nothing. Doesn't want a divorce now. Says he loves me, but hasn't touched me since he left that first time....in Sept 2010.\

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then it has been truly an unstable relatoinship and not much fulfillment.

Customer:

correct

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

What has kept you in a marriage where your husband has left that way and then become this uninterested for so long?

Customer:

i do love him, but it is also financial stability.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see. If he was able to leave for that long and come back with no explanation and you have been together this long this way, I do not see how tings could improve without radical changes in both of you.

Customer:

i am also 54 years old, with a hx of clinical depression, and it is difficult for me to make changes

Customer:

I agree, but I don't think that he is willing to make any changes.....i have thought to just save for a while to be able to leave.\

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He has made clear he loves you but is not interested at al in sharing with you at the romantic-sexual level. That's his approach. You have done all these things without any positive outcome. I do not see how it could get any better as long as everything remains the same.

Customer:

well I don't see living the rest of my life with no intimacy, masterbation is all well and good, but that's not what I want to do for the rest of my life....have a relationship with my hand or a bedroom toy.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, It makes sense. To suffer of depression is never easy and counseling is always recommended, many times necessary to better cope and take care of ourselves, and in your situation it seems obvious there are different concrete reasons not to feel good, what justifies even more then need of sound counseling, family and friends support.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, every person deserves real fulfillment and happiness as whole human being. if somebody does not share those needs and expectations is OK, as long as you do not have to limit your life and adjust to something that just does not work for you at multiple levels.

Customer:

I guess I knew all of this before I asked the question, but I guess I wanted a different answer.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I understand your frustration, but only you know how it feels. I am sorry but my role here is to be totally honest and as objective as possible.

Customer:

Thank you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. Hope things get better for you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Take good care.

Customer:

You do the same. Thanks.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you. Bye

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sorry the Accept button was disable. Please feel free to try to click the Accept button again.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thanks, bye.

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