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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5821
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate: thank you for understanding. I feel some relief

Resolved Question:

Kate: thank you for understanding. I feel some relief sharing that with you. But it is also upsetting. I don't think it was his intent to do that. He jut wante to do what he wanted to do and didn't care. I know I have scarring there too. It's just not fair. It hurts my feelings.
I understand what you are saying about the videos. I guess I just wanted to see that people are okay after these things or that things could have been worse. But you are right. The women would have agreed and probably got paid for it. Maybe I just wanted to watch to make myself miserable. But I don't know what they would show. If it was apparent the women were in agreement, would I feel like that?
I didn't want to do any of it. I don't want to be there. But you know - for how I felt about sex and my body, they chose the right person for maximum effect. I can't think of anything worse for me than that - even without the pain. And the kind of injuries I ha couldn't be worse in terms of embarrassment and not wanting to get care. But I guess probably it would be that way for anyone.
In the scheme of these kinds of things - which I understand happen all the time, and not including anything happening to children, I need to know how bad this was or if I'm just a big wimp. I need to know the truth. Will you tell me? My view of it is too skewed.
Ps. Thanks again for being you so that I felt I could share that thing.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.


You are very welcome. I am so honored that you shared such a sensitive thing with me. And I am glad to be here for you.

It is not fair that the attacker decided to do such a thing to you. When you consider how twisted his thinking had to be to even consider such a thing, it gives you an idea of how far gone he really is. And it is hard to realize that he chose you to take those things out on. It would be very difficult to not take that as a very personal attack. But these guys did not know you, at all. They saw a young college girl who was available and took advantage of it. As you have said, it could have been anyone. They didn't care. And that is horrible to consider. They are so ill that it didn't matter who they hurt. They just needed to hurt someone.

These are feelings they transferred to you. The intent was to make you as miserable as they are. The sickness they live with is overwhelming.

You probably would not get much out of the videos except traumatized. The circumstances are not at all like what you experienced. It is quite the opposite. The people in those videos are doing that to make money and turn people on sexually, in a not so healthy way. The mentality is more like your attackers than anything to do with you. Videos like that are definitely more about their world than your world.

The truth is that you are not a wimp. It is quite the opposite. You are very strong and brave. It would be very easy for you to roll into a ball, avoid life and blame everything on what happened to you. But you fight and push through to feel better. That is strength. Facing your feelings takes guts, maybe not in your parent's world, but in reality that is the true sign of strength. If I felt any differently, I would tell you.


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
But you didn't tell me how bad, in the scheme of these things, mine was. I need to know. First to accurately assess how I'm dealing with it, and second, I. Terms of looking at what I've read and knowing I will be okay and I am handling it okay in the process.
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

As far as my experience goes, what you suffered was a horrible traumatizing attack. I have heard of other people being attacked or abused at the same level (if you can really measure something like that), and they are usually considered very horrific attacks as well. One I know of made the news recently because of the trauma associated with it.

Considering that, you are coping very well. You are working this and progressing. All you need is the motivation. That is key. It is when you give up and don't face it that you can have issues.


TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm not giving up. I'm sorry if I have you that impressin.
So when you or Linda or dr m say I'm lucky I didn't die, you are being serious?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Why do you think I should tell Linda what I told you? It's not that important in the whole picture. Is it because of how I feel about it? I don't want to tell her. It was hard telling you, but I felt more comfortable telling you. But I don't want to work through this whole embarrassment and shame issue and then having to go through it again because there is something I didn't tell. Will that happen?
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

I'm sorry if I gave you the impression that I was talking about you when I mentioned giving up. I was talking about people in general.

It's ok if you don't tell Linda. That is a personal choice. I thought you might want to for the support. But if you work through the shame and embarrassment on the other issues, then you will have those tools to help you on this part too.


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
No - I just wante to make sure you knew I wasn't giving up. I want to someone's, and this whole thing sucks. But I definitely see the value when all thi is through. :)
Happy mother's day tomorrow, Kate.
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Thank you, Shay! That was sweet of you.

I knew you wouldn't give up, you work so hard at this :) And you will feel so much better once all this is worked through.

I hope to check in before I head on the road in the morning then again tomorrow night, if the internet works (crossing fingers here!), so I will talk with you then.

Good night, Shay. I hope it's a peaceful night's sleep for you.