I really love your answer. But I just need to ask a little bit more by exposing something about me.
The very first crush that I had was in my 4th grade, I was 10 Years old then. She was my class mate and the best student in my class. I used to think of her with one of my favorite song. We had never been talked to each other. Then I moved to other place and we were apart.
Since then, whenever I had a crush with someone, there will be one individual song for each girl. When I felt for someone, I felt very deep and as you said a "thrill" became my addiction.
I kept it as a secret for most of the time for not having a chance or courage to talk (propose). When I got a chance and became a couple with someone, I did plan to go for life time in the first place. But end up losing my interest for some small reason and I left her and felt for the new one. Totally I did that three times. One of the three persons hurts a lot and I felt guilty and regret. Gradually I felt for her again and went back to her deciding to get her back. I came to find out she had already got her boyfriend that time. I felt very sad and even cried to beg her for coming back to me. She said she will not believe me anymore although she loves me so much. I think my heart was broken that time.(By the way, we were just talking and holding hand together. No kissing and no sexual involved with all of my ex)
Since the last time I hurt, I did not try to be a lover with anyone again until I met my wife.
I left my family and my wife then girlfriend for oversea further study for few years. I think I had a crush for at least three girls during those fewyears.
I married my wife and I thought my crazy life of infatuation was ended.
Recently I saw someone.The more I see her, the more I fall for her. There is one dedicated song for her as well. I feel ashamed and guilty but on the other hand I feel so delightful when I am thinking of her and singing the song. Now I do not have a chance to see her again because she left oversea for good.
I think I have totally 20 secret crushes since my 4th grade untill now.
I was coincidently reading about Pablo Pegasus at wiki two weeks ago and remind me how dangerous my life would be if my secret sin comes true. I have a covenant with God to love and care to my wife till deaths do us apart. I swear that at the church. I really want to be faithful to my wife. So I have been searching for guide and at last I have found you.
I love your answer to focus more on my wife.
I will definitely buy the book that you suggested but I would like to ask you for very last time as follow,
Is there anyone out there like me?
Does something wrong with my mental? Mentally disorder or something?