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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate: a last thing for the record : not everything I say and

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Kate: a last thing for the record : not everything I say and not everything I get upset about is attributable to defense mechanisms. I was not attempting to engage you in an argument yesterday. I had some actual points, perhaps worth considering.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi Shay,


Any points that you have are worth considering. And I'm not dismissing them. But I am here to help you, not point out what is wrong with you or criticize you. Looking at this intellectually is one thing, and looking at it emotionally is another. Feelings are confusing and can be frustrating and hard to deal with. My job is to help you see a path to feeling better.



Customer: replied 5 years ago.
But it made me feel worse. And unheard. It's fine. I just needed to let you know what I felt about it.
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Sometimes in therapy you will feel a lot worse before you feel better. And that is ok. Facing feelings is not easy.


I did hear what you said. And I understood it. And I appreciate you letting me know how you feel about it. But I am here to help you and that is what I was doing. The goal is to help you learn to move beyond the attack and leave it behind. Expressing and recognizing your feelings is part of what you need to do, and I am here to provide a guide to help you find which feelings are the healthy ones and which ones are harming you. That does not make the feelings you have wrong. The emotions you have in response to what you went through are natural, but that does not mean they are the best way for you to feel about what happened.


Look at it this way. If you had someone come to you with a legal problem and they asked you to resolve it, you would do the best you could for them to work it out. But what if they did not agree with how you worked on the case when you told them they had to do some things to address what the problem was? And you asked them to trust you but they couldn't and they questioned the process? What would you do?


In this process, trust is very important. If you don't trust that I will take care of you and help you, then it won't work. This is what I do for a living, I help others work through pain, grief and other emotional issues. That does not mean you cannot question me or tell me you feel upset about the process, but in order to reach your goal of feeling better, we have to be able to work through this and keep going.



Customer: replied 5 years ago.
But I don't understand what you're doing.

(downtime in mediation right now)
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.
It's ok. I can certainly describe the process, but at some point you need to trust that I am there to help you. If you feel confused or want me to tell you where I'm going with something, I am more than willing to do that. But spending all our time questioning the process is only taking away from your chance to feel better.
TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Uggg. This is frustrating. Because I still don't know what was wrong with what I was doing Tuesday night and yesterday. I thought you woul be glad I was feelings feelings.
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

It's understandable that you feel frustrated. You did nothing wrong Tuesday night or yesterday. None of your feelings are wrong. They all have their place. Some are not as healthy as others and that is what therapy helps you with, finding out which is which. This is not a right or wrong thing. If you see it that way, then you will feel upset about it.



Customer: replied 5 years ago.
But am I supposed to feel them and instantly try to change them? Don't I need to "process" them?
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Yes, you do need to process them. But you have to know what is normal and what is not so you know how to process them. That is what therapy helps you with.


I have to sign off for the night. I hope you have a good one!