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Karyn Jones
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience:  Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months. Two days

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months. Two days ago he told me he cheated on me twice. He said the first time was a couple months after we started dating; he was drunk and madeout with a girl. The second time was a couple months after that. He was at a party and he got drunk and then had sex with a girl there. He had a bad drinking issue (DUI and was drinking every chance he got). It's been a few months since he got back from rehab for drinking. He's so sweet and thoughtful and everything a girl wnats in a guy. I totally trusted him and never ever thought he would cheat on me. He says he loves me and he will do anything to keep me in his life and that he can't live without me and that he hates himself and that no one should ever make me feel this way. He also says it was the biggest mistake of his life and he hates knowing how much he hurt me and he doesn't want me to go and he'll do whatever it takes. I don't know what to do or if he's truly sorry or if he really loves me.
Hello and thank you for bringing your concerns to Just Answer...and I truly feel very much for you 'both' at this time as can only imagine just how much pain and hurt you are going through right now with this and feelings of distrust, not easy to say the very' least for you..

I have read your email very intently' and suspected that your boyfriend had a drinking problem ..and was also very' relieved at the same time that he took positive' action and realized the same thing..Sadly many who do have a drinking problem tend to be in denial and as a direct result end up screwing their own lives up and others with it..
Alcohol and excees alcohol can have such a negative impact upon peoples lives that is if they let it.'
I like you are at least thankful that your boyfriend realized the same thing..that he finally realized the pain and hurt that he caused you during his drinking binges with other girls..Not only this but the pain and hurt he has also bought upon himself as a result..
It certainly sounds as though since back from rehab that he has realized fully and completely the damage of his actions..This is good because this is what rehab also teaches patients..
Naturally you distrust him after having these affairs ..and the intimacy he shared with these other girls..
This would not be an easy thing to take on board in fact darn hard and very painful because as a result your heart is very badly bruised and your feelings of distrust very understandable..
Though I just felt I needed to point out two proposing factors that seemed to stand out for me in your email..The first being, that it was he who told you that he has cheated on you..this suggests to me that at this point he was most likley calling out/reaching out for help...with the realization that he truly loved you and what you had and that he felt compelled to honesty ( even though at this late stage where he didn't have too )..
The second being that he become proactive and took the necessary steps to seek help with his alcohol issues..This also suggested to me that he not only wanted to start afresh with his own life and be true to himself but also he felt that he owed it to you and your relationship...

I believe that he is very evident in his feelings for you..even though he was blinded before he can see his way through without the use of alcohol..This is all good..
Though, the foundation of trust in your relationship have now been badly shaken..and if you decide that you want to move forewards with this boy in your life will take time for you to build up that same trust and to forgive him from your heart..
Time and only time will tell and if he starts to resort back to the use of alcohol then I would think again very carefully of your own well being and safety....

I truly do hope that this has helped at least point you in the right direction closely and most of all please do take very good care of 'self' too right now..because you are important too and are worthy of the best that life has to offer..
Do please forgive this late response as it has much to do with world time difference I'm afraid and what expert is next available online to answer...
Please 'accept' this if it has proved benefical to you as it also contributes much' by way of keeping our service going for you and others alike in the future...

Kind thoughts
Warmest wishes
Karyn J
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