My husband has been unfaithful. He has asked me to give him…

Good day to you! I can totally understand his worries about counseling. If you both go to individual counseling first and each get your own counselor, this will help immensely in helping you to understand what specific things or behaviors/ actions that you feel need to take place before you come together for marriage counseling with a completely new and separate therapist. A counseling session usually begins with giving some historical and demographic info about yourself, stating why you are seeking counseling, and what your goals are for counseling. Depending on the other issues in your marriage, and perhaps things that you have not completely worked thou yet, called unfinished business, you may need only a few sessions or many sessions. I would ask for a separate counselor for your marriage counseling so that neither of you feel that you bare being ganged up on by the other counselor and spouse. In marriage counseling, please DO NOT ASK FOR ANY DETAAILS OF THE AFFAIR, as I find it is too difficult to handle the specifics because you will start thinking about them, and I don't know about you, but I personally can't even stand the thought of my husband in his prorate relationships with his ex girlfriends, let alone his other woman... The purpose for the marriage counseling is to find out where the breakdown of the marriage occurred, why did he feel the need to go outside the marriage? What needs were being met with the other woman, what needs do you have To get beyond this point and begin to heal yourself, as well as your marriage? Again, your husband would not be giving you or the marriage counselor any details of the affair. You need to find out what he can do to help though old the trust so that any time he is not with you that you worry incessantly. So, to help parlay any fears of your husbands, he could give a s many details to his individual counselor that he wants to, as well as try to figure out why he went out of the marriage and what need he was filling. That is what the individual sessIons are for. The marriage sessions with the third counselor, who should also get info from both of your individual counselors so that treatment is consistent between the three of them. You should request this from the beginning of the counseling and sign a consent form to release info for one counselor to speak to the other, etc. For starters, you will need to find 3 good therapists to help you. Word of mouth is my favorite way to find the best counselors. Ask your friends and family that you feel comfortable enough to ask if they know of any good ones to go to. You don't have to tell them why. You and your husband should decide the boundaries of what info and how much info to share with others in your life. However, with your counselors, you can feel comfortable in telling them as much as you want as they have to keep everything you say as confidential. Please let me know if you have further questions. Thank you! Therapist Kelly