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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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My 39 year old son have lived with us for 7 years. I am 65

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My 39 year old son have lived with us for 7 years. I am 65 and my husband is 68. This son will not look for a job and expects us to care for his dental and health care. We do not have the money. His father is passive and has been told to put this child out, but he cannot bring himself to do this. I can't deal with the rages and rants any more but what choices do I have? I am in bad health and don't have the money to move out.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.
I'm sorry to hear about your 39 year old son's situation.
Let me ask you a few questions first.
Does he have any medical condition?
Does he have depression or anxiety?
Has he ever worked with a counselor/psychotherapist?
Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He has not got a medical condition but has severe learning disablities all of his life. This has been addressed by experts and we have done as much as we can do for him. He can barely read and does not present well during job interviews so he has developed extreme fear of interviews and tests. He has been under counseling and medication most of his life but now because it would have to be done by the county he will not do it. Alot is available to him from the county but he will have no part in it. He is severly depressed.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply.
I'm sorry to hear about your adult son's situation.
It sounds like your son has learning disabilities, social anxiety and depression.
He may need to see his doctor for a physical check-up to detect or rule out mood disorder.
He may be qualified for social security disability benefits as he has severe learning disabilities and possible neuro-psychiatric condition.
He may need to work with a counselor for individual and group therapy weekly or bi-weekly.
However, he seems to be resistant to seek help from a counselor, a social worker and a psychiatrist now.
You may need to ask a counselor or a social worker to come see him at your home weekly or bi-weekly.
If he has no health insurance and need a low fee counseling, you may call The United Way toll free # 211 (Dial 2-1-1) to find the community mental health centers in your area where he can get counseling above even without health insurance.
You may confront and tell him that you and your husband may allow him to stay home for a while if he starts working with a counselor to work on his anxiety.
Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
what do we do if, he has done in the past, refused any type of help and continues to do nothing but stay in his room? What can we do to just get him out of the house. as of now he is unwilling to do anything about his situation.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply.
I'll be back with my answer later today as I have to be offline for a few hours.
If you need an answer immediately, you can opt me out and wait for another expert online.
Best regards,
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for waiting.
I can imagine how anxious and stressful this situation must seem to you.
You and your husband may have to request him to start paying rent and his medical expenses by getting a job (even a part-time job).
If he has learning disabilities, depression and anxiety, tell him to see his doctor regularly and apply for social security disability.
So, he may live independently in your city.
He may have developed dependency on you over time as he may be afraid of leaving home. But, you and your husband may have to start asking him to get a job and pay rent or work with his doctor, a counselor and get a welfare.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have done all these things you suggest. I am at the end of my rope or I would not be asking someone I don't know for help. He rejects help of any kind and we have asked him to move out and he just won't go. My husband doesn't feel good about putting him out. What should we do?
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Can you get help from other family as well?
For example, you, your husband and other family member may talk to your son about your financial difficulty and concern for his future.
Tell him that if he is ill and can't live alone, he should see his doctor and other doctors for treatment, get a social security disability and pay rent to his parents or live independently.
Let me know what you think...
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