Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online
Hi there!! I am hoping to be of some assistance to you!! It sounds as if you are struggling with your self-image and self-confidence, and managing the opinions and feedback you receive from others...
The information you shared about your mother is very telling; when children are controlled very firmly by outside forces, they have difficulty forming their own opinions and preferences about life. And, now you are beginning to realize that you are living according to the wishes of others rather than listening to your own inner voice.
This is quite common for many people, and the awakening you are experiencing is a very healthy and natural progression to make. You DO have the right to your own opinions and decisions and preferences. The key is to be able to develop the confidence in yourself and in your ability to make choices that you will be happy with.
We all talk to ourselves, all day long, in our minds. Many times, we are doing it unconsciously and are unaware of any negative things we say to ourselves. "I am a fool", "I can't do anything right", "I am weak", "I need approval of others to feel good about myself"... these messages only hurt our self confidence. If you can try to become conscious of the messages you are telling yourself, then you can slowly begin to replace them, and dispute them. Changing "I am unable to make decisions" to "I know how to gather information to make the best possible decisions that I can. And if it turns out wrong, I can make a different choice." "Nobody is perfect". "I have the right to my own life, and to live it according to doing what makes my heart sing."
You have the right to decide for yourself exactly which direction you want to take, and seeing yourself as a valuable, important person with the power to make the choices you like is a great first step. A great quote is that "You are only a doormat as long as you lay there". Taking back the power you are giving to others, finding out who you are and what makes you happy, and knowing that trying to see yourself through the lenses of others (with their personal biases and prejudices and preferences) is not as important as seeing yourself through your own eyes.
When people offer you advice or give you negative feedback, you can choose to believe them... or not. People say all kinds of things, and many times, they will further victimize someone who is a willing victim in order to make themselves feel superior. You do not have to be a victim; you can dispute them, you can share evidence that points to the contrary, you can let them know they hurt you, you can choose to consider the source, you can ignore them. But, when you hear others opinions, first off, tell yourself something positive about yourself right away. Use positive self-talk to flip the switch from negative to positive in your mind; be your own best friend.
Treat yourself with the same care you would offer a friend; defend yourself, protect yourself and stand up for yourself. Soon, with practice, these thoughts will become natural.
I hope you found my answer somewhat useful; If you have further information to share or any further questions, please feel free to reply! Thank you for using the site, and I will check back soon!