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Doctor Rao
Doctor Rao, Doctor
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 641
Experience:  MBBS,MD,DPM,MRCPsych
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My wife is masterbating instead of having sex with me. I

Customer Question

my wife is masterbating instead of having sex with me. I also came across a dildo in her dresser door. No big deal but in the past she would have let me know she bought it. I have a feeling shes having an affair because I catch her lying about money and shes really moody.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Rao replied 5 years ago.
Sorry to is the relationship apart from sex life? How long you were married? Do you have children together? Please let me know, so that we can advice appropriately. Thanks.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
been married 12 years and dated two years before that. i have a stepdaughter from my wifes previous marrage.
Expert:  Doctor Rao replied 5 years ago.
Hi, Thanks for the information. It must be a difficult situation for you to be in. We need to look in to this situation to find out the reasons if it's happening and then look in to how you can make things better. Firstly it is important to know that in any relationship people some times choose to masturbate even when they are having a normal sex life. You would like to establish whether she was shy to tell you or not happy in the sexual relationship lately. The next one is your feeling that she might be having an affair. If money is not accountable you might need to establish whether she has any undisclosed commitments. Then about her recent irritability, it is important to look in to whether she is having any symptoms of low mood as we do know that sometimes it can present as irritability, withdrawing to in to self. So, till now we looked from her perspective.Now to look from your perspective, You might want to see whether you were having the quality time with her. It was known that sexual relationship would depend sometimes on the general relationship. In relationship stages after marriage sometime couple feel they are traveling in different pathways and nothing in common. However the positive thing is as you. Both were married you would have the advantage of having good history to reflect and work on. Regarding your feeling about her affair sometimes you need to have honest discussion with her so that you don't feel something is bothering you. It is important to establish both of couples commitment to work. It would be helpful for both of you to see a relationship/ couple counselor to improve things. If you think she might be having low mood and stress that needed to be taken in to a count and address appropriately . Thank you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
its always about her BULLSHIT!
Expert:  Doctor Rao replied 5 years ago.
Hi,At times it does appear that she is focusing on her views and needs.Thats why it is important for you to be clear about what you want to do. It is not helpful for you or her to go around the circle about the same issues and not addressing the issues. If you want to address the issues it is important to have good discussion between you two.Look in to seeing things from each others perspective. In order for the situation to get better both of you need to be clear and show willingness to listen to each other,learn and implement changes. In a relationship sometimes it is not uncommon to have over involvement of the outer world nd allow relationship to suffer whether consciously or unknowingly. It is important to nurture the relationship continuously. As a start I would suggest a self help book if you are interested to workout the relationship. One book that might help is --Getting the Love you want By Harville Hendrix. I suspect if both of you want to improve the situation you might need to seek help from a relationship/couple counselor. If you agree with my answer please Accept the answer.I wish you Goodluck.Thank you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
just stopped caring.
Expert:  Doctor Rao replied 5 years ago.
Hi, It might appear as a immediate solution to the problem.How ever if both want to be in a marriage it would be helpful if you both can sort out things to move in the direction.However i guess your decision would be final.I have to respect your decision than giving you advice to act against your wishes.I wish you all the best.I hope things would work out for you both.Thank you.