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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5839
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate: different appointment with tonight. Talked about

Customer Question

Kate: different appointment with Linda tonight. Talked about participation, exercise and masturbation. Hmm.
Oh yeah - and the bottle.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi Shay! It's good to talk with you.

Sounds like an interesting appointment. You covered a lot of intense issues. What kinds of things did you get into? How did you feel about what you worked on?


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
It wasn't all that intense. We kind of jumped around a lot.
She was telling me, to start out, that she wanted me to stay with my feelings as I have them as much as possible. She said she knows it's hard at work, but I need to get used to not pushing my feeling and thoughts aside automatically, and I can't process this if I don't feel it. She said that she hates when I aske her "how long is this going to take?) because she doesn't know. She said we can't really expect it to be a fast process, considering how long I've had it buried and what happened.
Then we were talking about how I sometimes google random stuff, like stuff that happened (foreign objects, bottle) and the participation thing. And kind of like I told you, I told her couldn't find much on people participating during a r*** and although I find a lot about foreign objects, the only thing that I find similar to mine is referral to some old movie where a woman was r***d with a broken bottle and stuff about Rwanda and Bosnia.
I told her that I know there's some reason for this to have happened, some reason God had allowed it to happen, but I don't understand why the bottle was there. God could have moved it like 3 feet away. It would have made all the difference. She was asking me what all i thought would be different without the bottle.
Then she was saying that she would really like me to try to get back into exercising and maybe stretching and stuff, that she thinks I somewhat cut off from my own body. She thought it was largely from what happened, but also probably a result of the teasing growing up. She says she thought exercising, now that I'm getting a little better sleep an have some nights off, would help in a lot of ways. She also said that it might not be a bad idea to get comfortable with my body and "explore.". She was trying to be delicate with the subject. I said "are you telling me to masturbate?" and she said it probably would be healthy. I told her about the book I bought a few weeks ago, and she was surprised. I said she was probably right, but don't give it as an "assignment" because I'm not going to "report back" to her. We were both laughing about how awkward that would be. We also talked about sex and my semi-recent curiosities, which she thought was a good thing, but said that going out and sleeping with a stranger is probably not the answer. I assured her I was not considering it. We talked about all the issues involved, including the fact that I should be married first, but that maybe that wasn't practical. I said I wasn't ready yet anyway, and had nobody in mind, so it was a non-issue, an she was saying that she hoped when it did come about, it was somebody who knew what they were doing, so I can see that it is a fun, pleasurable thing. I told her I was sure it would hurt the first time anyway, and she said not necessarily. She said the key would be to relax and then went into a whole spiel. But, as I told her, it's just something in my mind and I have no plans to put it into action anytime soon at all.
She had said at the beginning of the session how proud she was that I was so honest. I asked if people usually came in and lied to her. She said no, but they leave a lot out, and especially tend to leave out parts where they feel they "participated" or we're especially ashamed. I told her I get that - that I did the same thing (although I left out almost everything) when I tried counseling before.
She said "I wonder if you realize that anyone hearing your story would be outraged and sympathetic and would not hold you accountable." I tol her I thought that was a very broad generalization. She said it was, but she felt like she could say it truthfully. I reminded her of the reaction of the first person I told.
She said again that she thinks a support group may be a good thing.
I was telling her about the one book I read where the guy broke in to the woman's house and tied her up, etc. and that at one point he told her to move with him while he was having sex with her, and she did, and that'sreally the only thing I could find about participation during (and not regret for what was done leading up to) an incident, except in cases of childhood sexual abuse. She asked if I thought that her moving with the guy was "participation," and I said yes - not at the same level as me, but yes. She asked if I could call it something other than "participation," like "forced compliance" or something. I said she could call it whatever she wants.
She didn't say a thing about what we discussed last week. She said she wanted me, if I felt comfortable, to call the woman about the trauma body work stuff or to just go get a massage.
We also talked about the fact that things are just pretty much the same - kind of stagnant right now.
I thought she was going to be gone next week, but it's not for another few weeks. She just said she had wanted to let me know really early, so I don't feel like she's just taking off. I tried to tell her again that the issue before was not that she took a day off to sped with family - it was that I thought she have away my regular appointment time.
Oh well. That was about it.
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.


It sounds like you and Linda talked about some of the deeper issues you have been dealing with. But what I was impressed with after reading your post is how you did not talk about your feelings, at least in your post. It would be surprising if talking about the bottle and your feeling that you participated in the attack would not have brought out a lot of feelings for you. Both of those topics were very important to you when we have talked about this before. You may have shared your feelings with Linda, but I could not tell from your post.

You also mentioned that things are feeling stagnant for you now. That is usually a sign that either you have some resistance to the therapeutic process (a good sign!) or that you have some unresolved feelings about something in therapy.

It can also be about feeling depressed. But you did not mention feeling depressed today and your session with Linda seemed to go well. And she would have mentioned it as well if you seemed depressed.

It also can be due to some of the issues you are working on. When someone has dealt with a trauma for as long as you have, you can become used to living with it. The feelings you have and even the symptoms can become part of how you function. Even though you want to change and feel better, you can be fearful of letting go of the past. Sometimes holding onto the past can be comforting, even if it's about something bad. Change can be frightening and it's easier to deal with "the devil you know" rather than risk putting yourself out there and getting hurt, even if putting yourself out there can mean you get better.

Stagnation can also mean that you are fearful. The process of therapy can bring out a lot of feelings and with those feelings comes vulnerability. If your defenses have included moving away from your feelings, then suddenly dealing with a lot of them at the same time can trigger you to shut down.

What do you feel about it?


TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I am going to start a new thread ....
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.
Ok, see you there.