It was seriously fine that T said it. I don’t think I must have explained the dynamic very well. The point I was making is that the fact that it stung indicates, I think: (1) that I am more aware of this issue; and (2) that others notice it, too, and apparently don’t think it is some hidden secret.
C is coming into the office tomorrow. He said something about it yesterday, and was asking how things were going. So I know I’m going to get a lot of questions tomorrow. I don’t want to explain to him what has been going on or my therapy issues or the flashbacks or anything. I don’t want to be rude – because he was nice and listened to my whole story, and he was the one who referred me to the counseling center where I got hooked up with Linda. But I don’t want to get into it with him. Truth is, now that I do not have any weekly responsibilities, I really am tempted to stay away from church for a while. I know I should be leaning more on Him and not less, but also, it’s church I want to avoid - not God. I feel so much like I have to be on alert. It’s tiring. I just want to skip it for a few weeks, but I also don’t want anyone calling me about it.
I don’t really feel like being around many people while I work this stuff through. Is that reasonable? I have to work, but I have a choice in other things. So don’t you think it would be okay if I just stay away from most everyone else until I am in a better place?
I don’t feel like going to my session with Linda today. I don’t feel like there is much to talk about right now. I feel like the hour or so would be better spent sitting in my car crying. Or sleeping
. I don’t want to explain to her what all went on with the flashback on Thursday night. Does it matter? Do you think it would be okay if I just went in and asked her to do the talking?