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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5838
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am usually an upbeat person. but every so often things

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I am usually an upbeat person. but every so often things happen to knock me back. lose an account, a disagreement etc, and automatically my feeling of not measureing up or feeling like i am not worth the next breath i take. my mind ALWAYS goes to the worst denominator. i dont matter, i am a loser. i cant deal. i want to run and become invisible. not even be here. its not suicide but, these thought come rushing to my head. how can i combat this? Yes i do visit the gym 6 days a week i have an incredible wife ...but i always feel as if i am not "enough"
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like you might be dealing with a low self esteem. Self esteem is how you feel about yourself, your abilities and your limitations. It can be affected by personality and by traumas such as childhood abuse or a string of bad occurrences.

Beliefs about yourself are the center of self esteem. If you feel that each time you have something bad happen to you that it is your fault, like it has something to do with who you are, then you will experience the feeling that you are a loser.

There are ways to combat this feeling. Keep in mind, what you feel is guided by your thoughts. If you have the belief that you are a loser, then when something happens that "proves it" you will accept that belief as true. To overcome your beliefs, you need to change how you think of yourself and therefore your beliefs. You want to achieve a balanced view of yourself. You see your own worth but also recognize that you have flaws. You do not believe those flaws make you less worthy than others and you accept that they are part of you.

One of the best ways to address self esteem issues is to talk with a counselor. A counselor can help you find the origin of your low self esteem and teach you ways to change your thinking so you improve your self esteem. To find a counselor, ask your doctor for a referral. Or you can search on line at

You can also work on this issue through self help. Learning more about self esteem and how to improve it can give you the tools to help yourself. Here are some resources to get you started:

Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay Ph.D. and Patrick Fanning

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi

The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem: The Definitive Work on Self-Esteem by the Leading Pioneer in the Field by Nathaniel Branden

You can find these books on or your local library may have them for you.

I hope this has helped you,


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