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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  25 years in private practice
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I didn't research this enough beforehand. I'm not sure if my

Customer Question

I didn't research this enough beforehand. I'm not sure if my boyfriend, who is 30, has AS. He told me in the beginning, he "shuts down" a lot and doesn't know why. He said when he tries to figure out why he acts how he does, he stops trying to delve into it. Within 3 weeks of dating he said he loved me, wanted to marry me and I was perfect for him. As time wore on, he distanced himself and buried himself in work. He said that's how he avoids admitting he's a "headcase" by working a lot and being good at it. Then out of nowhere, he shut me out saying he needs to figure out what's wrong with him. So, I tried to back off, but I just wanted to help and be there. I showed up at his house unannounced to try to talk to him. I asked him if he had AS flat out. He said no and wouldn't talk to me. Then after 20 min of complete silence he said "want to hear something funny? My psychiatrist said last year i had AS. But my therapist said I don't". I never even knew he was getting professional help.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 5 years ago.
Dr.Kappler :

thank you for choosing just answer. I assume by AS you mean Asperger's syndrome and not antisocial personality disorder.

Dr.Kappler :

since you said you did research on the subject I assume you know the symptoms of Asperger's. Your concern that must be that his going from wanting to marry your to not talking to you may be symptoms of the syndrome

Dr.Kappler :

I have worked with the severely autistic and hospital setting to those who have mild autism and are fully functioning. My concern as a clinician is that diagnosis is only as good as the treatment plan it can develop

Dr.Kappler :

.My point is that it's really irrelevant if he has the syndrome since the issue is his wanting to be committed to you at first and then gradually cooling in his feelings towards you. I would think you'd be more concerned about his views of you and why he's decided to not pay any attention to you.

Dr.Kappler :

By saying that this is a syndrome relieves you of the need to understand him psychologically and his view of you. It would be important to a better understanding of why he has taken a dislike towards you and see if there any ways you may be able to change that

Dr.Kappler :

.I will await your reply

Customer: Did you read the "continuation" of my question?
Dr.Kappler :

I see that you are currently off-line. I will be available till midnight Pacific standard Time and back online at 9 AM Monday morning. If you find my answer is sufficient please click the green accept button so that I may be paid. You can continue to ask questions after that

Customer: I'm not offline
Dr.Kappler :

my apologies but this website lists you as off line. It also does not list your continuation of your question which I would be glad to answer. You may have to make sure that is restated and is on your screen. I will try to reset this one and see if it appears

Dr.Kappler :

I see something called continued under already tried. If that's what you're referring to I will read it and give you a comment.
There are some symptoms of Asperger's syndrome that you have not mentioned. Are they also things that you have noticed in this person? There is often clumsy movement and poor coordination, monotonous speaking tone which is usually flat, rigid and fast, a lack of understanding or empathy towards others feelings and most importantly a lack of eye contact, facial expression with awkward body postures and gestures. Are the symptoms present as well?

Dr.Kappler :

my major point still remains that your relationship with this person has gone downhill very quickly. Although it may be easy to blame it on his psychological problems he may offer you some insight into how better to relate some in the future.