I have been diagnosed with cyclothymia
, but I don't think it's the case. I am 21 going on 22, female. I have a family history of mental problems. So to lay it out briefly - I get depressive, manic/hypomanic and mixed episodes. Usually, I sense when an episode is approaching, but I do not know how long it would last. With depression it might last from 2 hours to 2 months. Manic/hypomanic - 1 hour to 2 weeks. Mixed is usually a day or a week.
Depressive episodes include loss of interest in anything, loss of motivation (I just couldn't care less about my lectures and other duties), I don't feel like eating, sometimes I can't sleep either, just feel really deep in dispair and hopelessness. I can usually distinguish an episode from feeling just a bit low because when I feel blue I feel things like love and I care about other, when it's an episode - everything can burn and I would not care. When I'm manic/hypomanic - I feel I'm the best at everything, that everyone loves me, I don't care how much money I spend, and I become quite sexually promiscuous. When it goes too far I become paranoid about others talking about me, or plotting against me. Sometimes I have delusions like feeling that gravity is way to strong for me. And with mixed I guess that would be the fits of rage. They usually come towards the nightfall. And I tend to be very hysterical, I would hurt myself, like cutting or throwing myself at things, but it has got worse because I started beating up my boyfriend who is much bigger than me, and he couldn't stop me.
I become suicidal and sometimes I get into this sort of trance and I cut myself more, being totally oblivious to everything, not feeling pain at all.
I must say, I cannot really say what I am as a person, but apparently it is quite normal for me to be impulsive, but rational at the same time. And I have noticed that over the past 5 years this got worse. What I want to know is what it might or is it just a cyclothymia thing, should I go see another doctor and what should I expect.
thank you in advance,