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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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I am extremely concerned about my daughter.She is 22 and 37

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hello - i am extremely concerned about my daughter.She is 22 and 37 weeks pregnant. since a very early age,she has exhibited bizzare behavioral traits including anorexia episodes from age 4, excessive resistance to change of routine, severe depression or intense euphoria on a constant cyclic basis, inability/refusal to accept other peoples opinions or feelings that do not coincide with her own. unrealistic expectations of perfection.
my daughter has been unable to engage in formal education since the age of 8,and refused to engage with attempted assessments throughout her childhood. She made repeated (genuine??) attempts to kill her younger brother throughout their childhood,and blamed it on 'voices in her head',but later admitted to that being a lie.
She was taken into care at 8 and a half and was moved up to 7 times a year due to the inability of staff to cope with her behaviours and her constant accusations of assault and other more serious offences. Finally,i was asked by the 3rd secure unit containing her to please receive her back home as there was no place in the British Isles that could or would contain her.
on her return home, her bizzare behaviours continued, until she entered supported independence just before age 16. She has managed to maintain a very good job and earn repeated promotions (very proud), but transferred to a different region after several failed relationships. At 19, she developed an obsession with having a baby. this concerned me as she had had several pets, which she claimed to date on, but all died of starvation due to her inability to truly understand the constant commitment they need over and above her own whims.
She developed a relationship with a coworker last year, and within 2 months were planning a wedding and a baby. when her brother was diagnosed with cancer, she texted him in hospital claiming that she was going to kill her boyfriend and then commit suicide. the result of that was , my son's nurse contacted her local authorities who intercepted her and she was then sectioned and had to agree to a period of councelling (the first she has ever had).
the boyfriend relationship was very dysfunctional, and she has moved back locally whilst she is on maternity leave. She has made very serious allegations to the local midwife who is making a referral to social services. she called me today and has stated that she is unable to cope - im not sure whether she was referring to suicide- and that she will not undergo any more counselling as it was a waste of time and didnt help. she is very verbally agressive towards me and refuses to accept any advice or help, but constantly complains that she isnt receiving any help. I love my daughter very much. but i really do not know what on earth to do
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.
KansasTherapist : Hello


KansasTherapist : I'm sorry to hear you have had so many years of struggle with your daughter's behavior.
KansasTherapist : Lit is likely that having a baby will make her mental health problems significantly worse.

i just want to find a way to effectively help her

KansasTherapist : I don't know that there's an effective way to help her now any more than there has been all these years. Due to her willingness to cooperate with treatment, her lack of insight, and the seriousness of her illness.
KansasTherapist : Hopefully social services will, at the very least supervise her closely after the baby is born.
KansasTherapist : Unwillingness not willingness

is it a form of bipolar,or do you think it is something else?

KansasTherapist : It sounds like it could be bipolar. I've seen quite o few of these folks who have these behaviors.

she displays some of the aspects of Aspergers, but she does not fit some of the criteria


mostly it was a case of me being blamed of being a bad parent as out local authority did not'recognise'mental illness in children



KansasTherapist : Yes she does. But Asperger's has a broad continuum. We are just beginning to understand the condition.
KansasTherapist : The things parents have been though due to ignorance of children's mental illness is shameful.

the biggest travesty of the 'blame'culture is that the real issue - the child's needs - are not addressed

KansasTherapist : I agree. It is heartbreaking to see these kids have no chance to have a healthy life because the system hasn't clue how to treat them.

so - if it is bipolar - how is it possible to get a diagnosis and treatment if she (obviously) cannot accept that there is a problem with her behaviour? she genuinely believes that it is everyone else who is behaving unacceptably


although - granted it is unacceptable to her

KansasTherapist : Does sectioned mean she was hopitalized?

she refused to go to hospital at that time, so the police took her to her flat and a mental health worker and social worker visited her the following morning. however 3 weeks ago, she self-admitted herself to hospital and demanded to be induced because she wanted the baby out of her


a section 31, means that the person is removed to a place of safety if they are deemed a danger to themselves and/or others - it carries a mandatory requirement of councelling and monitoring for 6 weeks

KansasTherapist : Hopefully social services will get her ordered to have a psychological evaluation and into treatment if she wants to care for her baby. Maybe that will be motivation enough. That might be an avenue for you, if can contact them to give her history.
KansasTherapist : If you can contact

im worried that if i do speak to them they will just pile in and remove her baby and leave her to her own devices - theyve not been very helpful to her so far

KansasTherapist : I understand what you mean. Part of the problem is what you wrote about her not believing there is anything wrong with what she does. I've see women with similar histories have psychotic breaks post partum, so she may not be able to care for the baby.
KansasTherapist : It would be good if you could convince social services to have her evaluated.

how can she be evaluated if she doesnt want to be though?

KansasTherapist : Do you think she would cooperate if keeping the baby depended on it?

she can be so unpredictable - she can also be very convincing when she makes all her allegations against other people.Im worried that it is likely that social services might believe that i am being vindictive as i had my children removed from me for a period of time,rather than because I am genuinely concerned for my daughters sanity and the safety of my grandchild

KansasTherapist : To me, there seems so little chance that she could raise a healthy child without serious intervention, it may be worth the risk.

I think deep down I know that. I have to admit to not having as much compassion for her as I have before, due to trying to keep a lid on my own distress over my son's terminal cancer. It is because of this that I have been questioning my motives over approaching the authorities with the issues concerning my daughter as I know that my son's situaton has hap a profound negative impact on her

KansasTherapist : I can understand, after all you've gone through with her, and your son being ill, that you don't have much left for her. I think your grandchild desperately needs your help though.

thankyou for your patience and your time, I'm going to have to bite the bullet and do what needs to be done and then stand back to try to catch the fallout

KansasTherapist : I think so.
KansasTherapist : I'm going to go now. If your click on Accept, that would be great
KansasTherapist : Take care.
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