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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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My boyfriend cannot break ties with ex girlfriends...I ask

Customer Question

My boyfriend cannot break ties with ex girlfriends...I ask him to please tell me when he talks to them but he always seems to forget...he says it means nothing to him and he always forgets to tell me until I check his phone...his past realationship he had over 5 affairs that I know of..can he be true to me..he tells me I need to teach him to change..he is 52..
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.
KansasTherapist : Hello


KansasTherapist : Can a man who has a history of cheating in his relationships be true to you? My thinking is, he can if he chooses to. The next question is, will he choose to? In my opinion, it's not a good sign that he tells you that you need to teach him to change. It is his responsibility to change, not yours to some how change him. Either it is important enough to him to do the work of understanding why he cheats, controlling him impulses, or it's not.

Should I insist that he has no contact with his exgirlfriends

KansasTherapist : You could do that to see if he's really willing to change his behaviors. You could tell him if he wants to learn to be faithful he needs to stop contact with these women and see what happens. My guess is he won't agree to do it, but if he does agree, that he won't stop.

Would it be wrong for me to ask him to change his phone number

KansasTherapist : Inthink that's reasonable.
KansasTherapist : I think

What if he says no...

KansasTherapist : If he can give you a really good reason, you could accept it but ask him to come up with a different solution.

ok thanks so much...

KansasTherapist : You're very welcome
KansasTherapist : If you could click Accept, that would be great.