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MARoss-LCSW
MARoss-LCSW, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 15
Experience:  18 years experience as a therapist/counselor.
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My problem is that I suffer from Major Depression. It

Resolved Question:

My problem is that I suffer from Major Depression. It started years ago (1985). I am on meds. and they do help. But I am in a relationship that I need to end. The trouble is that when I go to disconnect with this person. The depression worsens so I go back to the relationship to get relief. I want to know if there is a way to ease out of this with out causing a depression episode. I'm not sure if just abrubtly walking out of the relationship will help ME. The other person will probably be fine. It is me that I am worried about. It is an intimate relationship which has gone on for about 6 yrs. There is also a chance this person will return later on down the road. That has happened as well. There was a 2 year gap then the person called again. This person will not change. It is I who have to change. Do you have a suggestion?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  MARoss-LCSW replied 5 years ago.
MARoss-LCSW :

Hi, I'm happy to try to help you.

MARoss-LCSW :

What's the history of the relationship? How long in relationship?

Customer:

Total off and on 9 years. An affair.

MARoss-LCSW :

What made you decide to get involved in an affair?

Customer:

I love my husband, but we do not have any intimacy. He's diabetic and just cannot perform. And he asked been asked to have a class and he declined it. This has been going on for years. He did have a one time affair. But I understand it so thats not the real issue. To be he's like my mom. Always pointing out my flaws and then says I take it too personally. Always fishing. Does not help around the house. He is not a bad person.Actually, very friendly and nice. I am not blaming him. Basically just doesnt understand depression. I'm glad for him....

MARoss-LCSW :

Have you had any therapy?

Customer:

Yes, in the beginning for about 6-7 years. But it was so costly. 45 minutes sessions.The doctor I go to now just perscribes the meds and ask how I am and out I go. I see him every 3 months.

MARoss-LCSW :

So the person you are having the affair with doesn't want to leave his wife?

Customer:

No... And I'm not going to ask him to do so. But he has me going that this is all in my head. That I should be able to connect and disconnect with him and have no problems with it. I know I am depressed but I am not stupid. It is my health has be stuck. I'm afraid I will break down. Because thats what happened back in 1985.

Customer:

I'm sorry for the typo's I'm just nervous right now.

MARoss-LCSW :

Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. It's ok to be nervous. Why do you feel nervous right now?

Customer:

Because I'm embarassed to tell you these things. But I have to tell someone. I dont want to be judged by others.

Customer:

People who do not know this illness can be very harsh.

Customer:

Are we still connected ?

MARoss-LCSW :

No need to be embarrassed. There's pretty much nothing I haven't heard. Do you mean stuck because of your depression?

Customer:

Yes.

MARoss-LCSW :

Do you have any health insurance or can afford therapy again?

Customer:

I have some. I will have to check into how much they will cover. They are probably not going to cover much. And I see that I may have to go for quite a while. Since this behavior has been going on for quite a while

MARoss-LCSW :

I think it would be really important to check on that. I imagine you realize this situation is fueling your depression. I know you had trouble with trying to break away previously but this will/has eaten away at your self esteem.

Customer:

Ok, so do I just start therapy and put this man on hold.?Until I get stronger.

Customer:

I think thats what I'm try to tell you. I want to know the best way to go about it with causing any further damage to myself?

Customer:

Also, this guy is going to come back again later on. I guarantee it. So I need to know how to shut that possibility off.

MARoss-LCSW :

If you can put him on hold that would be best, ***** ***** not, you can work through that in therapy. He may come back but doesn't mean you have to take him back. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you should give some thought to leaving down the road so that YOU will be available to a new relationship with someone who is available and in a healthy place.

Customer:

Do you think I'm to old? Also, you may not be able to anwser this. But do think this man is possibly depressed as well. He's jeopardizing his life as well.

MARoss-LCSW :

He may be depressed, but let's not worry about him. You need to focus on yourself. You're never too old they say :)) There's plenty of people who meet new people at all ages of life. You are in 2 unhappy relationships. Believe it or not, it can be harder and lonelier being in the situation you're in than being alone. I've seen that many times.

Customer:

Ok. I think you put me on the right track. Yes, its true. Two unhealthy situations. I cant figure out if they depression is causing the unhappiness with my husband or it is being fueled as you say by these two individuals..

MARoss-LCSW :

I imagine these 2 long standing problems are increasing your depression or at least not lessening it.

Customer:

Ok. Thank you for your kindness. I accept your answer. I would be happy if it the depression would at least lessen.

MARoss-LCSW :

You are welcome. I hope you feel better

MARoss-LCSW :

And thank you.

Customer:

Thank you.

MARoss-LCSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  MARoss-LCSW replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing since we chatted about your depression, marriage etc?
Are you feeling any better and had a chance to check your health care coverage to go back to therapy?
If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
Melanie Ross LCSW