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My wife and I argue a lot over clothes. When I point out

My wife and I argue...
My wife and I argue a lot over clothes. When I point out that the clothes I like are the clothes that most people her age and shape are wearing she just says she looks terrible or feels uncomfortable. Even when she does wear something I have suggested and she receives compliments from her friends it makes no difference
kevin
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Answered in 2 minutes by:
4/1/2012
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3,569
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
Verified
CoachJenK :

hi welcome.

Customer:

hi JenK

CoachJenK :

if you dont talk about her clothes does she wear anything that feels appealing to you?

Customer:

Yes but some times, eg when we go dancing I would like her to dress a little sexier like the other partners but my wife does not agree when people comment on how good she looks

CoachJenK :

Ok Kevin, so let me give you a bit more of the female perspective if you are interested in hearing it...

Customer:

yes

CoachJenK :

ok....

CoachJenK :

Body image in women can be a very weird thing and it is not something that remains a constant

CoachJenK :

for instance we might wake up in the morning feeling great about how we look and then eat something that has a bit too much salt in it and we look in the mirror and "feel" fat

CoachJenK :

crazy I know, but this is what goes on for us

CoachJenK :

and when we feel like that it doesnt matter if a million people line up to tell us otherwise...if we have lsot that feeling for the time being there is no recovery of it by wonderful compliments

CoachJenK :

doesnt help you because you have no idea what space or feeling your wife is in with her body.

CoachJenK :

so where does that leave you? it leaves you to try and not get into these conversations since you are learning that it usually doesnt end well.

CoachJenK :

any of this make sense to you or feel right?

Customer:

It does JenK. Is it normal for a women to think that if she feels comfortable in something, that does not neccessarlly mean that she looks good in it, and that sometimes she may feel uncomfortable in something but if it is the clothes that most people are wearing and she receives compliments, than it must look good regardless of what she thinks and maybe she could try to get over the uncomfortable feeling. My wife has a great face and figure and she is most happy in jeans or mid-length jean shorts and tops but I think she looks better in tights and tops or shapely dresses but it causes arguements if I suggest it. I will wear whatever she likes as I figure if she likes it than it is proberbly O.K. as I do not know what looks good on men, thanks Kevin

CoachJenK :

You ask such great questions and you are correct. If we feel like crud then we feel like crud even if others think otherwise. Hard for something for us to just get over....that is so annoying i know and so different for men. She has some insecure feelings about her body and she wears what makes her comfortable and she then feels good in her own skin. Men are easier that way and if we tell you that you look great in those jeans....you will wear them every time! :-)

CoachJenK :

Maybe take a different approach with her and when she wears something a bit more sexy on her own and hopefully she does for you at times then lavish her with how fantastic she looks but try to stay away from the sugesting of what she wears as it just causes strife between the two of you.

CoachJenK :

You with me, kevin?

Customer:

Thank- you JenK, my wife has read this so we will see what happens. Maybe we will talk again soon,seeya Kevin

CoachJenK :

ok Kevin. good luck to both of you. Please click accept if I have been helpful

TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3,569
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
Verified
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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3,569
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