Can you help? my son is 12 years old and was born at 28.5 weeks so was very premature.

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you.

You're welcome!

The fact that he was that premature play a role for sure in this situation. I could also say that we all come with different predispositions and potentials which will define a lot about what we develop and learn from life experiences, bonding and everything that impacts us from birth, including physical, emotional, psychological, social and spiritual factors.

You said he has always been surrounded by negative people and was not able to get a distance and grow away from them. Being bullied-abused from early age and for such scenario to continue for several years could easily break anybody’s psychological stability and integrity, distorting the way the person thinks and feels about self, and the very defenses he develops to try to cope with such abuse and the painful feelings it creates and triggers.

People are different, and we know that from personal experiences with our children, they are not the same and react very differently to the very same conditions-stressors. Our younger son could have had this predisposition conditioning him to feel and react the way he has when facing this chronic abuse.

Abuse, even more when for long periods and during young periods of life, could deeply traumatize more sensitive people, whose nervous system-temperament are less able to tolerate stress and pain.

When people in his shoes feel overwhelmed by fear, frustration, sadness and other negative feelings, the most common reaction in anger, they get depressed and anxious too then act out such feelings as a way to get some relief.

Sincerely ***** ***** not see good chances here for him to improve unless circumstances around him change for him to learn to calm down, feel more respected, less afraid so to develop healthier ways of coping without the need to hold in negative feelings then to act out.

All those negative and abusive “bad friends” and people around him would not allow this healing and new learning process to happen as it could, it is just not fair nor healthy for a young person like him to be exposed to that. It literally deforms young people’s personality and life.

And you taught them it right, the problem here is that some people, like your son are much more sensitive and have less and weaker coping skills, so could much easily feel overwhelmed by abusive situations like the ones you have reported here.

Then they could easily develop mental health and personality problems because of that, like depression and anxiety disorders, anger management issues, poor socialization and coping skills, obviously poor sense of self-worthiness and many others.

I recommend a consistent change of his social circle for sure, no further exposure to abusive scenarios-settings, individual counseling for him to work on venting, processing of feelings, improvement of coping skills and anger management, and for you to get collateral sessions to know from counselor how to better support him considering his specific needs.

Please take your time, no problem

Let me copy it back, ok?

The fact that he was that premature play a role for sure in this situation. I could also say that we all come with different predispositions and potentials which will define a lot about what we develop and learn from life experiences, bonding and everything that impacts us from birth, including physical, emotional, psychological, social and spiritual factors.

You said he has always been surrounded by negative people and was not able to get a distance and grow away from them.

Being bullied-abused from early age and for such scenario to continue for several years could easily break anybody’s psychological stability and integrity, distorting the way the person thinks and feels about self, and the very defenses he develops to try to cope with such abuse and the painful feelings it creates and triggers.

People are different, and we know that from personal experiences with our children, they are not the same and react very differently to the very same conditions-stressors. Our younger son could have had this predisposition conditioning him to feel and react the way he has when facing this chronic abuse.

Abuse, even more when for long periods and during young periods of life, could deeply traumatize more sensitive people, whose nervous system-temperament are less able to tolerate stress and pain.

When people in his shoes feel overwhelmed by fear, frustration, sadness and other negative feelings, the most common reaction in anger, they get depressed and anxious too then act out such feelings as a way to get some relief.

Sincerely ***** ***** not see good chances here for him to improve unless circumstances around him change for him to learn to calm down, feel more respected, less afraid so to develop healthier ways of coping without the need to hold in negative feelings then to act out.

All those negative and abusive “bad friends” and people around him would not allow this healing and new learning process to happen as it could, it is just not fair nor healthy for a young person like him to be exposed to that. It literally deforms young people’s personality and life.

And you taught them it right, the problem here is that some people, like your son are much more sensitive and have less and weaker coping skills, so could much easily feel overwhelmed by abusive situations like the ones you have reported here.

Then they could easily develop mental health and personality problems because of that, like depression and anxiety disorders, anger management issues, poor socialization and coping skills, obviously poor sense of self-worthiness and many others.

I recommend a consistent change of his social circle for sure, no further exposure to abusive scenarios-settings, individual counseling for him to work on venting, processing of feelings, improvement of coping skills and anger management, and for you to get collateral sessions to know from counselor how to better support him considering his specific needs.

He is still very young so much can be done to heal and empower him. His environment and people around him do play a key role here, the healthier and more supportive it happens to be the better. On the other hand, if the bulling, or any other form of chronic abuse continues, the chances for him to feel and be better dramatically reduce too.

Local psychotherapy or counseling, from private practitioners or at local mental health clinics. Individual support for him ad collateral/family sessions to work on how improved parenting and support could help him feeling and getting better.

Hospitals, GP could offer referrals, or you may contact the local county Mental Health Department too.

You're very welcome. Feel free to contact me for any further support. Hope the best for you in this journey.

Any self-development tools, from books to programs, relaxation techniques, hobbies and participating of social groups where he could share interests and enjoyable activities would help. Anything from working out to doing whatever healthy we would like to do allowing him to develop and feel fulfillment and self-esteem-confidence. Activities allowing him to release his feelings, energy like sports would be good.

I hope it helps.

You’re very welcome. Take gentle and consistent care.