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Dr-A-Greene, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience:  Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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My daughter has significantly shown personality changes over

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My daughter has significantly shown personality changes over the course of the last 5 years, she views most people as corrupt, immoral, and out to get her. I held a position as an elected official, and was "termed"out and had enough years in to retire. She ran for the position and was elected, however, upon taking office she became abrasive to the people around her, made enemies of all of the other elected officials and most of the employees, she constantly complained about me, the job I did while in office, and prohibeted the employees beneath her to speak to me or the other people she turned on. She wrote terrible belittleing letters to people, including me, and all of a sudden I have become the enemy, she speaks of all the "terrible" things I have done to her in her life, but can't name one, I didn't, actually I catered to her, basically spoiling her rotten, used my influence to help her get every job she had after college, took care of her when she became pregnant, without the father in the pic, and worked hard to get her elected. I recently remarried, after being a widow for over a year, (a stepfather), and she has convinced herself my new husband is a pedophile! Her "gut" tells her so. She has stopped talking to me, say's horrible things to me, won't let me see the grandkids, and has made enemies of almost everyone around her. I see her being extremely critical of her 9 year old son, who is a good student, good boy, but lives with a stepfather who certainly makes him second best to his biological children, by my daughter. I am worried about her...the things she is saying about me are untrue,,,total absence of fact to base them on, but I believe she believes what she is saying. Because my "friends" are some of the other officials of the city she views as corrupt, then according to her, I am corrupt as well. Because I married a "pedophile" I can't be trusted around the kids...I am worried to death, as well as angry and hurt, but beginning to believe she is suffering from a mental disorder and do not know where to turn or what to do to get her help...what can I do?

Hi - I would like to be of some assistance, if possible. It sounds like your situation is difficult to say the least and that you are hurting. For that, I am sorry.

What you're describing sounds like a global personality change from the way she was several years prior (I am assuming you had a good relationship before). There are several possibilities for this:

1) drug use - several drugs of abuse can cause extreme paranoia and overall personality changes.

2) physiological conditions - physical changes in the brain due to trauma or illness (a tumor, for instance) can cause paranoia and personality shifts.

3) mental illness - Paranoid Personality Disorder is something that could apply, as could Delusional Disorder (nonbizarre type), etc.

I'm leaning away from Paranoid Personality Disorder or a personality disorder of any type because these are developed from childhood on. She would always have exhibited some symptoms of paranoia or narcissism. It wouldn't start at age 36 or so.

This leaves something like Delusional Disorder (nonbizarre type) or something in that vein.

Whatever the cause though, is there anything that you can do to salvage your relationship with the grandkids (possibly through your son-in-law)? How is your relationship with him?

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Her husband is completely under her control. I know he doesn't agree with her, but when she is crossed she is vindictive and doesn't care who she hurts. Her first son's biological father refused to enter into a relationship with her, said she was too bitchy, which all of her past broken relationships have been for the same reason, but he wanted a relationship with his son, she made it impossible and when she married her husband, while she was pregnant with his first child, she had him sign papers to allow Mickey to be adopted by her new husband. Kelly's husband has seen the lengths she will go to in order to be vindictive. He won't cross her in any way, but agrees with everything she says. So, no there is noone in her circle including her Pastor who is willing to cross her. I guess this is just it for me.

Gosh, I'm terribly sorry that there isn't someone who is a part of her inner circle that is willing to go the extra mile and try to make some headway with her. It probably ends up being very painful for everyone involved. My sense is that she will eventually alienate this husband and possibly her own children as time goes on. Holding steady in your love for the grandkids (even if you can't see them for now) will help in developing a relationship with them in the future. You might even consider writing a little journal to them on important dates (birthdays, etc) telling them what you have observed about them and their lives and how much you love them. I knew a biological mother who did this for her daughter who was adopted out. She kept entries on the holidays and birthdays for 18 years. When the daughter became an adult, she was able to give it to her. I can't tell you how much it meant to both of them. The mother could finally feel heard and the child felt loved even after all that time apart. Of course, there was a lot of waiting involved, but in the end they were able to create their own special bond. Maybe you can do the same.

I wish you the best of luck and pray that time will heal the wounds that have already been created.

Take care,

Dr. G.

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