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Dr-A-Greene, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 309
Experience:  Clinical and Forensic Psychologist
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I am 25 year-old, homosexual woman. I got out of a year

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My name is Miranda; I am 25 year-old, homosexual woman. I got out of a year long relationship that ended very badly with a great deal of lies and betrayal on my ex's part, and I am currently dating a new woman--Amber. We have been together 3 months, we live together and I love her very much. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to over-analyze the relationship. I often feel like my partner does not love me as much as I do her, even if it is an irrational notion (shes does a great deal for me and is generally very affectionate). I also find that I often second-guess my own feelings a great deal, wondering if I truly love her and if there are any residual feelings for my ex. I don't think I still love my ex, but when I last saw her, I did feel very comfortable--whereas, with my girlfriend, I sometimes lack that comfort because I feel self-conscious about my more negative thoughts or feelings. I sometimes think I have depression because I second-guess myself a lot, tend to think poorly of myself at times and I get easily upset over situations that really don't warrant it. My thoughts also tend to spiral out of control, becoming more and more negative and self-deprecating as I think on them. What should I do? Is it normal for someone with depression to feel that way? Is it normal to second guess one's love relationship, even if you know you care for someone very ardently?

Well, this sounds like a combination of a couple of things. First, I think you may be right about the depression bit. The self-deprecating thoughts and being easily upset are indicative of that. However, I think that the second-guessing and going back and forth on your thoughts/feelings sounds much more like an anxiety disorder. For example, it's not uncommon in an anxiety disorder like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for someone to obsess about something they thought or said until they have the compulsion to revisit the discussion - thus, stressing the relationship even more. They know that the thoughts aren't rational (just like you mentioned knowing that the thoughts about your current g.f. not loving you don't match with her loving behavior), but they find that they can't stop their brains from going there. Even worse, they act out on a compulsion to discuss it or confront the other person because their anxiety becomes so high.

This form of OCD often goes unrecognized because clinicians are looking for the typical presentation of repeated washing or checking, etc. However, relational OCD can be just as damaging and difficult to cope with. Luckily, treatment with an anti-depressant like Prozac or Paxil should wipe out both the OCD and the resulting depression.

Please let me know if you have any more questions!

Thanks and good luck to you!

Dr. G.

Dr-A-Greene and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

Hey Miranda -

Thanks for the feedback. :) If you go in to see someone about it, I would mention that you think that it could be OCD if they aren't picking up on it. I really think that might be what's going on, and, as I said, a lot of clinicians don't pick up on it if you aren't performing physical rituals.

Either way, I think that an SSRI would help a lot and that you'd get a good result.

Take care!

Dr. G.