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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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My wife doesnt respect me and she treats me like crap without

Customer Question

My wife doesn't respect me and she treats me like crap without any thought of my feelings. I keep trying to blame it on her increasing health issues, but I'm at the end of my rope. We're newly married and have a 9 month old son. I feel so trapped! What do I do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You are acknowledging that there could be stressors in her life and that is a positive for you. In addition a new relationship and a new child can also be stressful. The first step to resolving this is to talk to her first. If you find that this isn't helpful then find a couples counselor in your area so that you can communicate more effectively. A counselor can often identify the issues that keep couples stuck including poor communication styles. When couples have frequent conflict it can be the way they communicate. The counselor can teach her how to interact so that you don't feel that you are disrespected. If you want to work on communication on your own you can get tips for arguing from the Rules to Fair Fighting of Dr. Gray in Mars and Venus. If you used these rules you wouldn't feel the need to have a constant conflict



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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We started fighting again yesterday, well, more like she started critisizing and just wouldn't stop. It seemed like every little detail upset her. She got angry with me for closing the hot sauce cap before she had a chance to use it at breakfast. I know it's probably rooted deeper, but she just doesn't know when to quit. She just keeps critisizing until I freak out. Then I feel at fault, go lie down for a bit and apologize. I told her I was done and in some ways I want it to be true, then I think of our son. I keep thinking it will get better once she's treated for her thyroid, but I'm worried. All of my attention is split between her and my son...I'm tired. What if things don't improve? This is personnal, but we haven't had sex in a long time. I understood that having a baby is definitely going to put a hold on our sex life, but she says she feels like she might have a heart attack if we do anything. The paranioa is driving me crazy. Something is always wrong. She doesn't listen to anything I say and we're drowning in medical bills. One day nothing I do is ever good enough or I screw up everything and the next she can't live without me. It's an emotional rollercoaster and I want to get off, but I don't want to feel like I'm giving up and I don't want to hurt her or rip our family apart.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
You both would benefit from marriage counseling. Then maybe she would find a better way to communicate. Sometimes people argue about little things because they don't know how to communicate the real problem. So then they focus on things that have no value because they are irritated by other issues. This is their way of asking for help. Things may or may not get better. You take a chance even with help. There are no guarantees. Issues like sex can also be addressed. When issues are dealt with effectively they take on less significance. If she is open to working on this then things could change drastically.