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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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I am a mother of 60 years of age and have a son who lives

Customer Question

I am a mother of 60 years of age and have a son who lives next door in my home. At this time he is not working and my husband is only collecting SS and we are doing our best to maintain our properties. I believe he has bi polor because he shows so much aggression. this has been going on for a while. He does not talk to my daughter who lives with us. When he does come in to address an issue with us he completely disregards ***** ***** feel like I am trying to fix everyone to get my family back. I had them when I was l9 and did my best. I had my own issues in life and find myself wanting to run away. My son is an adult and his yelling distrubes me. We wanted to get away to florida and bought a mobile and thought I would be happy only to get there and I was not at peace. I did see a therepist twice but it was not handled in the way I thought. I was so upset and needed there guidence instead just heard me talk and gave me no solutions to this matter. I would like to get help for him and defuse his anger. He has not talk to his sister for 4 years has slammed the door in my face and said I should have never had him. I am afraid I will get in such a depression and I hold this home as well as others I manage. I am proud of what I accomplished in life. I can to this country with two other sister no father and struggled my own lonliness and that is why I did so much for my children. My daughter because of his disrespectful attitude has said some terrible words that he will not forgive her. I use to sneak food for him next door and I am trying so hard. I am thinking of just walking away from the marriage as well just can't bare it. My husband is a plumber worked everyday of his life does not smoke drink and has nerver taken a day off from work. Got up at 4 00 worked at a waste ficility worked in sub zero degrees and 98. I am sure even went to work with a flu never a compliant. I managed our home took care of car problems renovations bills shopping cooking worked in a school I want to talk to my son but when I approuch him just starts to scream were my soul just hides and nothing comes out. My husband is a tipical european man who feels depression is a cheap way out of not wanting to work. Everyone is aware of his attitude and has told me to kick him out of the house because he has put a tax lein on my house which I took care of it. We truly love me and tough love is harder then I thought. His father when he looks at him you can see the pain on his face and hate my son to do this to us. We just want to enjoy our life and my son feels that any parent when a son needs money should do it willingly. Maybe there is light out of this dark tunnel that I have been living in for more then 7 years. We are on high blood pressure pills and my husband develope a heart problem a son should not ever treat parent this way thankyou sad mother
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 5 years ago.
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : It seems you and your husband have worked hard all you lives, but can't enjoy your retirement because of the problems your children are having. You said you think your son has bipolar disorder because he is so aggressive. I'm not sure that your son has bipolar illness, based on that one symptom.
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : Pin order to have a correct diagnosis he needs to see a professional. He can go to his regular doctor if he has one or someone from the local mental health center. One of the ways to approach him is to express your worry about how unhappy he seems. Tell him you want him to go to a doctor to find out it that will help. Hopefully you'll get him to try some medication.
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : I think that if you could get him to talke a couple of steps like that it could make a big difference in finding peace in your family.
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : Hello
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : Have you ever talked with your son about getting some help?

yes but my husband is so anger that he probably will not go. Just to give you another incident. Last month we return from our country home he was not paying his bills and told him to come next door. When he came in he started yelling that he finally fiqured it out he pointed to my husband and said the only thing you ever loved was her pointed to me and then pointing to me said the only thing I every loved was myself and money it just came out of left field did not know where this was comming from. I pretty much make all the decisions and bought all the properties my son never held a job more the 5 years. Was a stock broker and the market went south tried another financial institution until last month came to me and said he would like to run a pizzeria. My nephew owns 7 in NJ and feels this is what he wanted to do and ask if I would care my nephew and set up a meeting well my nephew did arrange to hire him of course not making much money but something happend where my nephew did not want to open one with my son I heard he was too aggressive thinking he was entitled to own one. Kicking him out from my house will hurt me more then knowing he is next door. I will get even sicker not knowing where he is. If you are in the queens area maybe I can convenice him to come and see you maybe he will come. My daughter is seeing a theripist because it was too much for her to handle and her theripist told her he might be suffering bi polar.

JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : I'm glad to hear your daughter is seeing a therapist. If her therapist has had a chance to hear more about yourbson's symptoms, it is probably a reasonable guess. There are thing your son could do that would help,but if he's not willing to do any of the, you're very limited in what you can do.
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : Most people who have bipolar illness are depressed much of the time. Could you talk to you son about feeling sad and hopeless about his life? Getting him seen by a medical professional is the most helpful thing you could do.