How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Steven Olsen Your Own Question
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience:  More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Steven Olsen is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

For olsen, is it ok to have a boys themed birthday for a

Customer Question

hi for steven olsen, is it ok to have a boys themed birthday for a little girl who wants it?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Owen replied 5 years ago.
What is wrong with little girls having a cowboy theme, a guns theme, or whatever theme because now girls are doing jobs that only men use to do such as being fighter pilots....
So, it is OKAY.
I hope this helps, please click on ACCEPT, thank you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hi, i wanted to speak to the therapist steven olsen. can you please put this back out on the boards?
Expert:  Dr. Owen replied 5 years ago.
This was directed to the physicians here - that is why I answered it - because he is not online.
Take care.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
ok is back so he is able to see it?
Expert:  Dr. Owen replied 5 years ago.
I do not know - we are all over the world and we do not tract who is on - I am just one of the physician experts and hence work on answering questions for people like you.
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I am a Moderator with Just Answer, I have Emailed Steven Olsen so that when he comes back on line he will see your question. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience:-)

Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 5 years ago.

Of course, this is fine...And you and I have talked a lot about these types of things and what is important is that you listened to her and acted on it.

At the age of your daughter (<4 years) the theme of the party is definitely less important than the fact that she will remember that you gave her what she wanted. Unicorns or GI Joe, it does not matter what the party is about. It matters how she feels about it. That is what will impact her, not that it is more masculine or feminine. And what others might say about it, especially in your family:

Dr Seuss has his birthday tomorrow...and oddly, he really said it best. Those who mind, do not matter and those who matter, don't mind. Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i know weve discussed it... see my other answer and please post your new answer here...well close out that other question...
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 5 years ago.

I cut and pasted the content of your other question here. So I could refer to it without a problem,

yes that was dr a. i cant stop thinking about him. and he likes to screw up medical things on the side, so there he an aside i cant stand that expert. hes done that before. and hes an ob gyn, why is he answering a mental health question? and he doesnt even know ob gyn. he answered an ob gyn question i had once. dont get me started. you know how i feel about people who arent good at their jobs.
and yes you could feel threatened... lol.

rob is ok. but he can be trying at times.

the people at that hospital are f**ked up. another nurse who got ran out of there - she said theyve killed plenty of people and the people who did so still work there. it wasnt about a charting error.
it doesnt matter what it was about. the point is not letting them succeed in messing with me. today should have been my meeting and i possibly couldve been running victory laps around my backyard. but i guess not.

i also was joking about the european women comment. and if you get nauseated about people who smell... well youll love the europeans. esp the eastern block. whoa.

dr b. if were in the friend zone... well that sux.
really sux. i dont want men to think of me as a friend.

tmm2. he was trying to convince me to send naked posed pictures. i told him i still hadnt decided if i was going to run for president and cant take the chance that i have naked pics out there. i have never taken any for my husband out of fear of a split and them being out there.

he did say hed woo me with diamonds and complements. thatd be a 1st, but hey lets see if he comes thru.
then he said something about hed have 50lbs lipod out and plastic surgery to look like brad pitt.
he is a little heavy, but not really overweight... and whoa is all i can say to the plastic surgery.
i guess he thinks i will go to see him.
plus he said in one of the texts is there a chance i will see your smiling face?

Well, here we are. At least this question should work out and hopefully the issues with the new account are now resolved.

I am so bad with dates. Rob's B-Day? I know you were looking so forward to his requested "gift".

And, I think all husbands and wives get on each others nerves from time to time. That is true of all of us. We all have our quirks and bizarre traits. It is getting past those that build true character in a marriage.

I don;t have to tell you that your legal case has just dragged on and on. I realize that you were looking so forward to at least knowing about what the situation was/is. (Something, at least!) This has to drive you crazy.

However, the one thing that encourages me in all this is that if the case was rock solid all of this back and forth, and getting this tape or that evidence; well, that just would not happen. It seems that this entire mess is in flux simply beacause it is not that cut and dried. And, where there is this much doubt...that is why I think this will turn out decently for you. It isn't like they have a smoking gun. It is very nebulous. So, even though you may feel discouraged about much of this, there is a real/true sign of brightness here. I really do feel that this will turn out okay for you and I am not saying that as a therapist, just to reframe a bad situation.

You are never going to forget that I said that some smells bother me...You see why therapists do not disclose much; look at the harassment you are giving me here. lol

Seriously speaking. Why would you want Dr b to think of you as more than a friend? What do you want, really? If it is that you desire him to want you, that is dangerous for a married woman, don't you think? And, he seems like a person who would make a good friend, not anything else. Besides, if he did have feelings for you that would make a total mess of a pretty good working relationship. Why ruin a good thing? And yes...given the right circumstances I do think he could go over that line.

I have some serious horror stories with clients who had not so wise pictures and video taken of them, either sexting stuff or intentional taped couples stuff. It did not go well. There are some things, that although they may seem like a good idea at the time, have a real tendency to come back and hurt. That is one of them. I am glad to hear that you would not do this. It is too risky.

Tmm is out to lunch if he thinks that you would ever do this. But again: Why tolerate this degrading conversation from him? Tell him to shove off. He keeps crossing lines and you do not have any obligation to him. See his smiling face? I am not sure if accepting his texts is even a good idea. He has one thing in mind for you and I am certain it does not involve diamonds and him getting liposuction. Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
HA, STEVEN you give yourself away!!! :)
so you want to know if i dressed up in a black leather corset and had black patent leather high heels with thigh hi stockings and a whip....
hmm. should i tell you?
i just had the thought that as a therapist women may confide in you all their innermost thoughts of sex... and you may like that. :)
youre a bad bad boy.
go confess to your therapist....
who may get off on you getting off ... well ok maybe we should all just shut up.
or just enjoy it. hey we only have one life.
rob bday was last sunday. and i had to work. my inlaws had watched the baby all week and my parents only came home the day before. so we didnt have a babysitter. i didnt arrange for one for this weekend either. but neither did he. our plans are to try to find another of the door he messed up - i got paid - and this check is one of our bonus checks.. plus measure for a swingset... and other boring tasks.
so the day didnt happen.
i could harass you so much more if i wanted. it shows the integrity and strength of character i have that i dont do more to you.
drb. i want all men to think im hot. end of story. i dont care if you think its f**ked up.
i even want dr a to think im hot. i dont think he does, i think he thinks of me as a fat married woman as jenn says, but well one im not as heavy as jenn, or as old, and im taller and blonder. and i happen to not be pregnant either...
anyway yes itd be bad for dr b to really persue me. but i still want him to want me.
yes there is no video (that i know of...) of me. sexting is another story. woops. oh well prove i texted it and not my friend who borrowed my phone? (yeah im in the lawyer zone..)
tmm 1 or 2 - plus most other men are out to lunch steve. think of all the bullshit women come crying to you about men. theyre assholes.
mine is ok. he used to be better, but im sure i couldve married a worse guy. ive had the opportunity. it is what it is.
tmm2 i can just put him off til he gets bored. sometimes ill answer sometimes i wont. i really didnt agree to anything, just made him spin around out of boredom really. he texted 1st so i dont feel guilty about it. and shame on him.
i just booked our 6 plane tickets for disney. whew one more load off my back. then again i was hesitating thinking maybe i shouldnt... then i thought hey were doing this whatever. you know?
ps, you didnt find it funny that i still havent decided if im running for the president of the united states?
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 5 years ago.

No, not really into that. I mainly wanted to know, as you were totally frustrated, if you had to endure the "day". That was it. Why do you ask? And, yes. In our training we are exposed to a great deal of stuff sexually, a lot broader and more intense than anything we have ever discussed. (A lot of sex workers are in counseling as their pasts and their present acts cause great emotional consequences). We are exposed to all of this in an intense way, so when those issues are presented that they can be effectively dealt with.

You never forget anything that I say, do you? The integrity question must have gotten to you... Yes, I guess it does mean you have integrity when you hold off.

You want to be wanted? Why settle for sexual attraction if you could be loved? I don't think it is messed up to want to be wanted, but there is a limit to when it is healthy and when it shows that there is loneliness and hurt there too.

Well, texting could come back on you, but worse would be pictures or video. That would really be terrible as that can be used in so many terrible ways against you. So, glad to hear the unawareness thing.

How do you know all these women come to me to talk about men?

Well, you would be right. I do have a number of men who are hurting and talk about it, but the vast majority are women.

I think you like messing with tmm2. Am I right? He is weak and it seems you like to mess with him on that level. What is that about, if so?

Congratulations on the vacation. I know how that feels! It feels great; something to look forward to and to move you away from some of the day to day grind. You certainly deserve it with all you have been through.

Running for president? Why would you want that job? Seriously, I read you last post again and didn't see it. Did i miss it? Am I out to lunch too and now have joined all those other useless males in your eyes? lol Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
you have told me one that youre not into the dominatrix thing.. youre the old fashioned guy into the babydoll stuff with pink and and maribou furry stuff? and the little slippers that match?
tmm2 is into that. very girly feminine stuff. he doesnt treat me lie the weaker fairer sex. but his daughters well he almost had a shit fit because his youngest child wanted to go to queens college (my alma mater.) now 2 things if you dontr know about queens college. its a city university. so its on the more difficult side to get into. and its considered the poor mans harvard. it def wasnt a joke, but im sure it wasnt as hard as other colleges. its a commuter school with no dorms and names a "stone cold sober school' as opposed to the party schools.
anyway i grew up in queens as you know, and he grew up in brooklyn in the projects. ok well his kids were very very little they moved to long island so theyre long island girls really. anyway i double majored in elementary ed and sociology. well his youngest wanted to go and he had a shit fit saying its a shit hole in the city. he wanted her to go to some stupid school on long island like a delphi, which essentially your parents pay the school, they give you a degree.... like nyu. rich kids go, not hard. pay a ton. so i said as such to him. queens college is much cheaper and a better school. and its not like its in manhatten. i mean its right off the lie. well he made such a fuss and i said well it was good enough for me and he said well you grew up in the city... steven i was so mad. not a little. alot. alot alot.
so no he wasnt protective of me thats for sure. and he made a whole thing about when his wife or kids ever came to queens to visit or whatever. and its not that bad. i mean i hate it for alot of reasons, but its not brooklyn or harlem. come on. even harlem isnt as bad as it was...
the integrity thing from last time really pissed me off. but whats good for the goose is good for the gander. and dont say you guess i have integrity when i hold off. and you do when you hold off? please. what kind of bullshit is that. and yes, im not i guess the most elegant lady. but im not low class. i know that. but i thought we could at least tease each other at times. you twist things i say as a joke, why is it any different when i do it?
how dr a of you.
you think that i should expect to be loved by dr b? or any other man whos not my husband? how could i expect that?
its one thing for him to be attracted to me, its another to be in love with me. i guess it could happen... but i think its unlikely. dont you think it would be an inappropriate relationship of a married woman with a single man? way more than him lusting after me.
i have never ever taken any type of embarassing photo. and unless someone rigged a camera that i didnt know about. well im in the clear. when i was on the dating scene people didnt have cameras like they do now. and it wasnt expected like this is now either.
dont like it when i hit the nail on the head that maybe you like women confiding in you their innermost secrets or sexual fantasies? lol.
so tell me about your dream that you were horseback riding naked on the beach...
tough day there huh?
tmm2. look, i believe most men are weaker than me. i can wrap drs around my little finger. and i used to be able to sway a number of men.
i didnt contact him. i dont text him 1st. i remain aloof to an extent. i twist words. and basically occupy myself when its convenient. if im busy or sleeping. i dont answer.
he doenst text that often. and i if i couldnt stand him, i wouldnt talk to him. he used to be wittier, but well i was thinner. so whatever.
why you want me to take him seriously and say im going to meet with him?
the vacation. i was hesitating, thinking this isnt the right time. and trhen i was like well i have to, we told people and made plans and then i just said f**k it and spent the $1700. and thats just the beginning to pay for this. but that was airfare round trip for 6 people.
look steven, youre not my husband. you should listen more. i already have a husband who ignores me thank you very much. i said that i told tmm2 i couldnt take naked pics b/c i hadnt decided if i was going to run for president or not. and its there, in the pasted post you put there. i just reread it in the section with tmm.
on another note, i got locked out today. yeah lucky me. well i drove to queens to get my keys. well my kid was asleep but my father insisted on waking her up to see her. so i said ok (cuz hes my daddy..) and he took her outside and my daughter played outside in her cute outfit with the cute little pink coat. well the boy next door whos 4. well hes like one of those hard headed boys who dont listen. well kates playing and this kid goes all bob the builder after ate comes out. he puts on a hardhat and hes got little kid tools and a workbench (can you believe this?) and hes "working" and i see the kid but im focused on my daughter, and my parents said anytime kate comes out, he does this. like hes all macho.
i said to my mother, its like this shit is ingrained in men. what is that? and why does she attract such weird boys? she has the same curse as me. the weirdo magnet. isnt this all weird steven?
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 5 years ago.

Marabou? If that is fuzzy slipper stuff, with little pink fly-away feathers and the like, nope, sorry.

Where you go to school is important. It has to fit the person and personality as well as the wallet. And, if it is not academic, what is the point? That is why we go to college, to learn. So, I do not feel anyone who goes somewhere that is a party or waste of time school has actually been through a higher educational system...and, right or wrong, I often call them on it if they brag about their matriculation history. That you went to an academic school speaks volumes to who you are. And, as far as being in the city and quality...have you ever seen where Temple is? It is a good school and it is in the middle of a very rough area. And, many "rough" looking areas are not that rough anyway. There is more serious crime in many suburbs than in some city neighborhoods. It really just depends where you are. But men and women should go where they want, not what looks "nice".

I am glad you brought up the integrity piece. I was hoping you might.

Now, a question. Why do you think I brought up that point? Do you think it was because I think you lack integrity? Do you think that would serve any purpose...trying to make you think that I had integrity and you did not? (Why would I? That would be cheap and worthless.)

But, consider what you have been through. Your integrity has been questioned at every level; from the pre-charting thing; to questioning your overall competence; to relationships; to how your parents saw you; to how tmm 1 saw you; to how doctors sometimes see you; to how Peter does. It is a significant emotional trigger and it makes you very upset. It is also, as a person who wants to see you do very well, is something that feel should be explored further. You, of course do, have integrity and standards. But others have tried to rob you of that in so many ways, and you have been hurt in the process. I believe that when you feel the integrity button gets pressed that you should stop for a second and see if it is not an opportunity to take a breath and react differently. Seems to me...IMHO, that when people question you along those lines, that is when you really start worry and fret and feel maybe, shame or serious self doubt. Anger sometimes covers those more vulnerable feeling. That is my point, and I hope it makes some sense. I would like to see you move past being hurt by people who question that aspect of you, as it really is none of their business.

Dr b. Well, why do you want to have him attracted (You do not say the word, like) to you? Isn't his friendship just as good? If not, why not? Just curious here. Or is it, as you said later with tmm2, the fact that you feel you can wrap certain men around your finger...

I hate (I am being serious) horses. I love almost all animal, except monkeys and horses. If I had a horse dream it would be really, really, odd. I do have flying without a plane dreams on occasion...Ever have one? They are great.

I agree about the Disney trip. Yes it is scary to plan this right now, but you need to go. I can see that you need the stress relief and you should hear yourself talk about it. You need it.

Okay, call me oblivious and that I am reading comprehensive challenged. I missed the comment totally. (although now I do seem to recall it a bit.) And, now that I read it well, that is pretty funny actually.

I wouldn't worry about your daughter. Parallel play is what neighbor boy is supposed to do when he sees her. He is supposed to try to get her attention so he can see how she reacts to his actions. He is a boy, so the play is rather macho, and he apparently is at the stage where he really needs to get her attention. It isn't her. He would do this with a boy too. Don't worry. She isn't doomed to attracting these types. Promise. Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
well i didnt know anything about colleges. i was the first person in my family to go. and i was told not only i had to pay my way thru school (and i didnt know about school loans, b/c i was like 14 in public school...) i started working. i babysat everyday after school, plus every sat night for years. anyway if i didnt get into college i was going to have to move out the day after i graduated high school. according to my mother. she never said that in front of my father i realized so many years later. i wonder if he knew of that threat. anyway i was scared to death. i didnt want to live there admittedly, but i didnt know where i would live or what i would do. i essentially thought id be homeless. the thought never occured to me i could be with some guy. or that id be ok. so thats why i went to college. i knew my grades werent stellar, and i knew i wouldnt get a scholarship. or get into some great school. i only knew of big big schools. and queens college as its the closet college to me. i didnt have a checkbook. so i used to get a money order from the bank. it was (ill never forget this..) $1,696.96. per semester for up to 17 credits. and i could nt afford books. so i didnt get them. i didnt pay rent to my parents but they didnt give me money either. and i was told (again by my mother ) i was lucky to live there free. so i needed my metrocard to get around to classes and to work. i had to pay for clothes, toiletries, food - (outside.. my mom never used to have food really...) and anything else i needed. like haircuts, haircoloring, any fun i was to have which was almost none. i met joe. he was a bus driver and 16 years older than me. he reminded me of my father. my father hated him which i never got as i thought they were somewhat similar. joe was somewhat afraid of my father i think and he definitely should have been. my dad is more of a stand up guy. anyway joe was widowed with no children. so i was 19 and he was 35. i was def def stupidily in love with him. completely infactuated. ill never ever love another man like that. i couldnt do it.
anyway finally after a year he cheated on me with an older woman than me. he married her and i heard they were miserable. i also heard he was pretty mad i started right away with another guy named steve who was a night bus driver. he was the one i cheated on and got engaged to to meet tmm1.
anyway i was graduating and decided i wanted to be a nurse. i couldnt transfer, so i applied to a 2 year catholic nursing school - and i took the entrance boards the same week i called about it. i called a monday and i had to take them wednesday. so i missed school that day to take them and took them cold. and if i didnt get in i was going to be a teacher i guess. but i got in. and my wonderful career in nsg began.
i think it is natural to want the other sex to want you. would it bother you if a pretty girl "wanted " you?
IT doesnt mean youd cheat on your wife does it? b ut youd say, hey ok, she likes me....
i guess his friendship is ok. i mean its good to have a dr who i can talk to.
i dont have any dreams. dont tell me i do, i just dont remember. i used to when i was a child, and until recently where i essentially have had nightmares, i have had no others. if i didnt remember, i wouldnt remember the nightmares either.
as far as parallel play, hes a little old for it.. and on top of that, its not like hes just playing with a ball. or drawing with chaulk. its like he specifically is getting all macho (and posturing with her.) which i dont like.
she had another incident where she was playing with this little pink basketball. so its not hers. but she found it at the park and was playing with it. so the other kids mom said it was ok. so she wasplaying with it for the whole time my dad said. well the other mom wanted to leave, she had 2 kids and the boy was also older than kate, like 3 or 4. so my dad made her go hand it over. which after a few tears, she did. so i guess the other mom felt bad, so she told her son, go give it to her. so the little boy came over and kate was happy to take it back, she said thank you (my daughter says please and thank you consistently b/c i cant stand how children dont say it anymore. and i dont give her anything without those words said. she cant say youre welcome yet..) and the little boy grabbed her and kissed her. she let him, but kind of squirmed away. my dad took it ok (surprisingly..) but my mother was livid and when i heard this i wasnt too happy either really.
so i just want to know i thought this nonsense was taught to men. didnt know it was ingrained in them.
i should hear myself talk about disney? what do you mean?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
oh and i bought a city mini stroller today. one hand pull and fold for disney....
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 5 years ago.

Your story about how you felt you had to move out at 18 and how you literally were on your own is powerful. Did you ever wonder why you feel such a lack of safety and confidence in your life? Just look at the background that you had; you were placed into extremely anxious situations and then had to find answers for yourself, totally yourself. It is wild that you got money orders for yourself and that you did not even have a checkbook That shows how strong in character you were. It may seem like not much to you now, but you really did put up a great battle back then...You should be proud of yourself. You did what many could not, and I mean that. Few college age people can do this anymore as they rely so much on mom and dad and you didn't have either supporting you. You truly can say that all you have, you earned yourself.

And, this also shows how smart you got into nursing school without really studying for the exam. Not many could do that either. And, you paid for it all.

I could not help notice the outright comment that Joe reminded you of your father and that you like older men. I know you have said this before, but maybe not in so direct a way. I see this as significant. You did not have a home life where you felt safe, or loved in a deep way, at least as I see it, but these men that you were with provided some sense of who you were as a woman. Do you think that plays out in any way now?

It is natural to want people to want you. But it is also okay to want them as friends and have it mean just as much.

You mean you repress all of your dreams? All of them? I wonder what is in those dreams. And, of course you dream. People who don't have REM don't live very long.

Well, now that the whole story of the Casanova next door is out; yes, that sounds a but more than simple play. And, he kissed her? At the age of four he is kissing little girls? Something is amiss there. I wonder what this kid is seeing in his home. Does he have a normal father? It is taught to both sexes. Something is up with this child, I guarantee it.

How you talk about Disney? It is like a light to you. You get all excited and talk about it so much. It shows how much in need of a vacation that you really are in and it is a symbol of getting away from all this crap that you are dealing with. That is a good thing and I am grateful you have something to look forward to. Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
ha i wish it was 18. im born in nov, so when i graduated high school and even started college and was still 17. i guess if i had known anything i wouldve known it was illegal to throw me out.. then again a girl i went to school with had her psarents throw her out - her mom and step father i think.. and she was 16. she used to go from friends to friends house and alternate and shower and be homeless.
i had no school loans. none. then i met rob. he had over 60k. + interest. and i paid them all off the month ate was born. we paid 1100 per month. my god that payment was killing us. im close - like one year to paying off all our credit cards. im so excited. 750/ month for 5 years already. rob and i are credit card free. it makes me nervous but what can you do? (nervous not having a card for emergencies..)
the nln is the entrance exam to nsg school. its essentially geared towards high school, i think. either way they called me in and asked me what i did to study as i had the highest grade in the class. but i already had a bachelors degree. i told themi didnt study, i had no time. they werent too happy with that..
i didnt have a problem with my father. he wasnt there much - but b/c he was working... and he wasnt abusive. how could he know? i never tattled on her. i just thought he knew. like oh this one did this, this one did that. i threatened them or whatever. i beat them... but i guess she didnt. or only told the bad i did and not what she was doing... i dont know. ill never know.
the 2nd story of the ball was with a different little boy. one we dont know at the park. and it was soon after the bob the builder story and it was another little boy who was like 4. and i found both stories odd as i have been around alot of children... and ive seen them play macho. but not for the other sex at 4. usually its ewwwww girls....
and the girls are equally disgusted as they should be (and will be for the rest of their lives thank you..)
id like to go to disney. im kind of concerned that ill be too tired or not have the stamina due to fatigue. ... id like to have a lay on the beach and just sleep and hang out vacation. read. play with kate. but you cant really do that at disney despite what they say..
im also worried itll be the only time we can go due to the outcome of my trial. i think ill call it a trial from now on.
we may not even be able to keep the house.
and then i think. i deserve this. i was wrong. i didnt do it with a bad intent honestly. other nurses had gotten written up and i was afraid and didnt want to be caught b/c i knew they were out to get me.
i tried to help the guy (the pt), i really did. its just somehow all misconstrued. he yelled at me and called me a liar. and when i was pulled from the floor he was standing at his door with a smug look on his face. i felt like telling him we all knew he was a drug addict.
i made brownies yest. so i brought them to work. well dr a and dr b are at the drs box and so are 3 other drs. i tell them, theres brownies. so everyones like where? and thx.. so dr a says did you bring milk? so i said no i didnt. youll have to bring your own. and he referenced like was i lactating? and dr b somehow got in on it and said youre still breastfeeding? and i said no. i was kind of shocked and flustered. i told them no theres no milk thank you...
i bought kates swingset yest. i had to ask my dad if it was ok to use his amex and he said ok.. i thanked him but he didnt seem too enthused...i thought hed be happy to do it for kate, but..,. i dont know.
dr a also said about a pt - he doesnt look like a 'smith' it was really an italian last name, and i said huh? he said he doesnt look like that last name. i said maybe hes adopted. maybe his father isnt really his father. what do we know? like isnt always as it seems. he said oh youre all mood swingy (what did i do?) and youre scaring me. i said what? i told him he was totally inappropriate. i think he thought i meant his comments at me, but i really meant the italian last name thing. i mean whats an italian supposed to look like? im pretty fair. and people dont know. i felt it couldve been a racial statement really..
it was jerky.. jenn walked up on it and she was like whoa. but i feel like she lets him get away with shit b/c hes male. meanwhile she goes crazy if the females there dont like her....
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
meanwhile the adminstrator told jenn shes going after dr hottie (dr b!) and i told jenn dont meddle. im meddling to tell her not to meddle.
dr b was there... and the administrator ended up chickening out...
dr 'hottie' came by and was like im leaving and jenn and the day shift nurses plus the administrator were there. he said everything ok? i said yes it is...he was reading a note of mine over my shoulder on the computer and made a few comments.. we ended up saying bye, safe home see you tonight... i dont know if that kind of made a scene. i fewlt like he wanted to talk to me but couldnt b/c of all the nurses there. he made some small talk with me.. and headed out...
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
meanwhile the adminstrator told jenn shes going after dr hottie (dr b!) and i told jenn dont meddle. im meddling to tell her not to meddle.
dr b was there... and the administrator ended up chickening out...
dr 'hottie' came by and was like im leaving and jenn and the day shift nurses plus the administrator were there. he said everything ok? i said yes it is...he was reading a note of mine over my shoulder on the computer and made a few comments.. we ended up saying bye, safe home see you tonight... i dont know if that kind of made a scene. i felt like he wanted to talk to me but couldnt b/c of all the nurses there. he made some small talk with me.. and headed out...
i guess ill see what he says tonight...
it turns out dr b was the dr who took care of her brother before he died...
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 5 years ago.

Bravo to you Liz for being so financially responsible and getting rid of all those credit cards. They are such a noose around a family's neck, that being free of them is a blessing. I know student loans and how awful they can be. We were there too until recently. I celebrated when the loans were paid off at a really fancy restaurant. And, that restaurant bill was less than the monthly loan payments. Kind of sad really when you think about it.

I laughed out loud at the comment you made about the nin test and having the best grade without studying. That is just poetic. Love it.

If it wasn't your father, respectfully ***** ***** do you think made so you attuned to what men think of you? I notice that you do not seem as bothered about what a woman thinks, at least that seems so to me.

Disgusted by men, forever? What is that about? Really, we disgust you? How about that? Talk about a love-hate relationship. The little boy who was the kisser...he had some other issues I am sure. That is out of developmental norm, a lot.

Before you see yourself in another house and in another life, wait to see what will happen. As I have said, it is far from clear and there seems to be a whole lot of uncertainty about what your case is about. Like I said, if it was clear cut there would not be all of this fuss about tapes and so forth. I know you did not mean to have all of this happen. That is the worst of this, as all you wanted was to stay ahead of the game. You never wanted this to be so terrible and drawn out. But, this is anything but a done deal. I still feel this will turn out okay. You do not deserve this. It was a mistake, not an act of a serial killer.

Disney is not relaxing. That is a truth. It is fun, but it is not a vacation where you sit on a beach and relax reading a book. It is run and run. Fun, but lots of running.

Your doctors A & B are perverts. I am telling you, you could be rich with all the sexual harassment stuff you could bring up on this place. It only has to be perceived harassment for proof. I find this, disturbing...why are they so free with sexual comments?And with the Italian comment, that is racial and discriminatory for sure. You sure you don't want to see the end of Dr a? You have enough to certainly to make a stink if you wanted to.

I am sure your father is okay with the amex use. Men get like that initially. I am sure that this will pass quickly. He knows you will pay him. It may have been a grumpy moment for him.

The admin thing and dr b is probably going to go nowhere fast. But, I hope he is nice to her when he lets her down. I feel for this lady. She has feelings for him. He took care of her brother and now she has feelings for him. This does not look good I can say that. But what can you do? Like you said to Jenn. Say out of this. It can explode if you get in he middle. What did dr b want to say I wonder? Are you worried that the admin will be jealous? Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
i usually get along with men and can talk with them more than women. i told you im only concerned they think im hot...
the disgust me comment. it was a joke.
but you (the general you..) can disgust me. lol
and those 2 little boys. ick. thats the crap kate has to put up with. my daughters so sweet. she gives things to other kids and shares and ive never seen her hit another kid. shes notr perfect dont get me wrong. she throws her little baby fits (which i find cute and funny at times, or frustrating myself..) but i can usually hug it out with her. or we can make her laugh and get her out of it... either way she seems alot more normal than these boys. wtf? the future wife beaters of america? great
i do deserve this. i let them get to me and change the hard headed way i am. ive had so many mangers try to get me to do things thaty i didnt believe in. like have d/cd pts sit in a chair in the hallway. so if theres d/c papers at 11am, but their daughter cant get them til 6pm, theyre supposed to sit in a hallway? at 80 years old? i fought with this one mgr tooth and nail. she finally got fired. (also kind of my fault, but thats a long story i can tell you tomorrow..) i was always so stubborn and on the side of right. i was a thorn in their side, b/c i had the moves, im quick talking. i was at the point of basic survival as they were hammering me. and i couldnt leave b/c at that point i had responsibilities. so i was like ok i have to shut up and fly under the radar.
im not ruining anyone career for stupid ill times jokes.
dr b was standing there when dr a said this and it took me a second to understand and he kind of said are you lactating...? i dont know if he felt like he shouldve known that b/c he prescribed meds to me when i was sick... but he didnt ask me if i was or wasnt....
jenn thinks for sure dr a is joking about the italian comment. i told her i dont care hes stupid and passive aggressive. b/c im able to answer quickly, well maybe hes adopted and life isnt what we think. yeah i guess that freaks him out. and i told jenn he just wants us to be window dsg and stand there and laugh at his not funny jokes. he made a comment about me and him having a love hate relationship and i said how inappropriate this all is.
i told my dad we can give him the check today and he can cash it friday.
well see i guess.
jenn just texted me can the administrator talk to you about dr b? i said i guess, i told her were not bff. i dont know him that well. (lets hope i can bullshit that...)
i then texted her i didnt know til this am, tha dr b was the 1 who took care of her bro. i said maybe its a crush like he was so nice and caring and shes mis taking it. or that she wants to be close with him b/c he understands what happened to her brother and maybe she thinks he "understands" and shes vulnerable due to this loss.
jenn texted me back... no.
i am worried that she will be jealous or somehow misconstrue this and screw me. even though im not doing anything. people will screw you if theyre jealous. i just went thru all that. my god i hope it doesnt turn ugly.
i dont know if dr b had anything to say. he may have been stifled b/c she was right there. i tried to act as professional as possible when he came by but hes very casual...
well have to go to to you in the am
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 5 years ago.

What if men think you are not hot? Does that make you any less hot? See what I mean? Your hotness is either there or it is not. No man can tell you otherwise. Get it?

Disgusting. Fine. I have been called much worse. lol

Besides if I am disgusting you are in trouble, getting advice from this "disgusting" man.

And, you know: What if you have one of these "boys"? You would see how we are, in growth and development: firsthand...Our terrible, testosterone poisoned, selves.

I know you lost some of who you felt you were, but I also do not see you as "deteriorated" as you say. You still have a quick wit and fire; it is just different. And who would not be broken under all that they put you through? You can't expect flesh to behave as steel. You are human and they can hurt you. But, they cannot take you, not really. Pieces of how you act maybe, but not you. I just do not see that as a possibility, no matter how you feel about yourself at this moment.

The doctors: I still think this type of sexual commentary is bad for you and bad for the hospital. It does nothing but potentially cause trouble. And, it is degrading to women. That is why it is against the law, which is why I am so negative about it. It is your choice of course, what you do with it, but I still find the whole thing degrading to you and all women.

Oh great. Now you are the matchmaker/reporter or the "other woman" for the admin and dr b? Is there some way you can get out of that??? That is awful. I can just see the mess this is headed toward if this is not headed off quickly. I would reassure the admin that you are just casual friends with him. Anything. Why on earth does she want to talk to you anyway and why won't jenn tell you? If she does ask I would use a lot of active listening if possible and give her nothing. She sounds, risky.

Hope you have fun at work. Steven

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
it does make you less hot. if men dont think im hot. then whos thinking im hot? lesbians? and if men dont think youre hot, how can you be hot?
get it?
see/ youve been called worse than disgusting. now thank me for your compliment.
i dressed down a male nurse last night. he owes me big. i gave him major guilt.
we were getting slammed with pts. so the nurse next to me was getting pissed off. well he got a pt who was bleeding out of her eye. and no trauma. and bleeding from her nose. so ems tells me this and were all the way in the back, not the place for this pt... so im like oh shit she could have a hemmorhagic stroke..
i tell another nurse kfc nurse look we need you to triage this pt, im going to go get a dr.
i go to the drs and im like we need a dr... so dr a is there and i cant bullshit this and wait for dr b.
so dr a comes and is like ok, get a ct scan, pop a line, cardiac monitor, well the male nurse yells at me, he doesnt need my help, ill do mty work you do yours. so i just walked away b/c i know everyuones busy. i feel stressed too. but its inappropriate.
i had som e difficult pts that were very reminiscint of the old hosp. too reminiscint. to the point that i felt like crying. i told the new manager, and she was like maybe the wifes crazy too... i said well yeah...
i felt a little isolates as none of my friends were on, and the charge nurse was a bitch...
i kept getting hit with more pts, kept running. at the end of the nite the male nurse offered me candy (now i may be a fat chick, but i can buy my own candy, and i dont forgive so easy. i dont know if you noticed..) so i said whats that for? he said just cause. i said said just cause youre a jerk?
so he says what? i said youre a jerk.,you yelled at me you dont need my help. when i didnt do anything wrong. he said i didnt yell at you.
i said yeah whatever. so then he tried to make excuses how its too stressful blah blah. but if you didnt yell, whats the stress have to do with it? so i said that.
so he says ok ok im sorry. so he says well i just kept getting pts. i said really? i got 6 in 90 minutes plus had 5 other pts.. our load is supposed to be 6...
so he said how can i make it up to you..? i told him listen even my husband doesnt yell at me.. so hes like come on liz. so i told him i dont want your candy or your fake im sorry. so i get a pt who i cant get a line. he had shitty veins. but on top of that.. i was cross eyed from exhaustion. so he says do you need help? so i was going to bite the bullet and get some1 else... and then i said ok good go put a line on no vein guy.
well he couldnt get it. he comes out.. i cant get it. i said tyou know i only liked you cuz you could get lines. now i dont know if i like you. so he asked another male nurse who got it in a second. and he put a huge line... he comes running out victorious.. and the male nurse who couldnt get it was like look i suck. i said i know honey im sorry. he then said what else can i do? i said nothing. youre uselerss like all other men.
so did i do a good job?
hes back tonight so i can hurt him some more.
yes i hope to have a boy. a maSculine polite boy who respects women. and doesnt put their underwear on the floor. its possible. i may be the 1st woman tio do it. but im nothing but persistent and stubborn.
how do you know my wit is different? you didnt know me then...
dr b and i were busy...we didnt talk much and dr a started to say something but stopped himself. i said nothing more.
things went from bad to worse with the administrator. i had texted the administrators friend the teacher who taught me for the er. well shes like is this liz, so i said yes how r u? well she wanted to dr bs story, and she gave me the admiistratoirs phone number. and i just felt stupid b/c i feel used and lie they never talk to me... im out of her class a year and she hasnt even asked me, so hows it going...?
i didnt answer the last 2 texts b/c i was driving to work... then at work running around.
i didnt see the administrator today and i was exhausted. i didnt tell dr b anymore about it. i saw him and said, oh.. thats so and so....
so he said oh i took care of her bro before he died... i feel bad for her... i said nothing more, but then he was telling me about another drama thats going on with another ex, which he says is fun. but i didnt get any elaboration. we didnt have time.
so what do you think?
dr b and i had a pt who was paranoid and i over heard dr b saying liz is one of the best nurses here. really, she knows what shes doing...i didnt ask him anything about it...
and no there was no fun at work. i hope i didnt get any complaints. i was polite but my patience was wearing thin and i had a pt who was manipulative. i gave him over to a male nurse. but he called me a bitch. so he got pulled out of my room, and put into a hallway. and he got to look art a oxygen tank instead of having a nurses aide right there since i had the paranoid dude who had a close observation. he was quiet the rest of the night and im not taking care of [people who curse at me. security came and said just switch her off hes an asshole. i felt embarassed, but i was so frustrated with them - all the pts.
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 5 years ago.

No, I do not get it. Existence is what it is. It does not come into reality through what someone else says. So, you are hot and people notice it, not that they notice you and then you become hot.

Thank you for the complement. I consider it a great privilege to serve you, disgusting as I am.

Nothing makes a person feel more isolated than stress without support. You had no friends on last night, the problems were numerous and you were crazed. (You survived it. That is, seriously, an accomplishment. I am surprised that as tough as the hospital is that this does not happen more often.)

The male nurse knew he offended you, that is why he gave you the candy. He was undoing what he knew was wrong. This is sadly pretty simple defensive stuff and really reflects on his maturity level. Of course, you gave as good as you got so he was nuked as a response. Did you do well? That depends. Was your goal utter destruction of this man's ego? If that was the goal I would say that you succeeded.

You have talked about your wit a lot in the time that we have talked. No, I did not know you then, but I can infer from what you have said that you may be different than you were, but you still are, Liz. There also is the fact that we all have very unreliable memories and images of what we were like. You may simply be matured by time as far as your approach. Then again, if you argue this point, well...maybe that proves you are still the same. lol

A boy it is then. And, yes, you can raise polite children. My wife says men are the way they are north of the mason dixon because they are Yankees. Yankees have no manners she claims. True or not, you can raise a polite boy. Mine is extraordinarily so, and I am not bragging.

What do I think about the admin? I think she needs to ask the man out and leave you out of it. I might say with a smile, with matter of the heart I stay to myself. You could tell her that you think she should ask him, and leave it at that. What on earth would she want from you? A date introduction? A man-map of his feelings? You only know this man as a coworker. And that indeed may be the safest thing to say. It is the truth. It is simple and it covers you. Do not say too much about him to her. This is nothing, if not trouble.

You sound like you were really, extremely at the end of your rope last night. It does not help that you were tired, overworked and crazy from stress. That is the worst of this. I do not see how anyone else could have acted. I am amazed that with this stress you are able to do as well as you can. It is a real pressure cooker.

Steven Olsen, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1765
Experience: More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
Steven Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
hey opened new question...
Expert:  Steven Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Ok gotcha. Don't reply to this and let this thread expire.