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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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Why can my NPD who claimed to love me so much and pursue me

Resolved Question:

Why can my NPD who claimed to love me so much and pursue me so hard suddenly leave and be all loved up with another woman?

I don't know if he's NPD, but he's very selfish and I was alwasy there for him, but not so much in return.  Then after four years of friendship and seeing him through his helping to put his abusive father in jail, who then died in jail he started to pursue me romantically until I gave in four months later.  shortly after my father had passed.  I told him I was going to be very emotional and needy...he said he could handle it.  I know I acted pretty emotional and he got a big new job, but told me he loved me.  Then two months in just disappeared and told me by email he was overwhelmed.  Now he's dating another girl long distance who's 8 years older, but like me in other regards...owns her own business. (I'm five years older than him he's 30).  Anyway he's been with her fact he's all loved up on her and has dated other girls longer than me.  I can't stop blaming myself for ruining it by being too needy because if he can be with others...doesn't it make sense that it was me?  I did something to drive him away?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

You can Google the following and discover whether more than likely, he has NPD. Just type in DSM-IVTR Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

What I can tell you is that it is BECAUSE he has a narcissistic personality that he can drop a relationship and start up another one-----if he believes it will provide him with "more" things such as social prestige, attentiveness and aggrandizement and indulgence of his wants. While he might act warm, fuzzy and loving, a major deficit in the personality structure of people with NPD is true empathy. They really can't quite empathize and sympathize with others as you are no doubt able to. They don't see their behavior as others do i.e., self-indulgent, selfish, self-aggrandizing, self-serving; and don't quite realize how their actions affect others. So this is tends to be a huge gap in their personality and what this means is that if a person cannot really empathize with others fully, they cannot sustain a LOYAL and committed relationship. They constantly keep their eyes open for something 'better' to come along for "THEM'. Everything is about them---from offering love and affection to....whatever. Everything has a string attached to it---an obligation.

So this is NOT about you, if he has NPD. The proof of this will be that he won't be able to to sustain a permanent relationship with his new girlfriend either. Someone better will come along and he will use this woman as well, extracting more from her than he gives back, until she gives up and loses enthusiasm for him, at which time he'll find someone else. If he has NPD, I can assure you---you are probably quite fortunate to be out of the relationship altogether. \

What do you think?
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
I see you viewed my last post. Please feel free to comment and get back to me with a follow-up if you wish. Alternatively, please click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks.!
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