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Karyn Jones
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience:  Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
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I know a young man who I have known a very long time. As a

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I know a young man who I have known a very long time. As a twelve/thirteen year old he was a loner, who was obsessed with the army and going in the army. He was often seen roaming around the woods and village in full combat gear - always by himself - and he got into the habit of stalking me and my husband, turning up wherever we went and telling us he was spying on us. We had to ask him to stop which he did - or at least he did not present himself to us again in this role but I think he still continued spying on us. We put it down to his age, and his loneliness. But he continued to play at being a solider for years until he was at least sixteen or seventeen. He also told bizarre lies about himself and his life as though to make himself more interesting. He didn't like other kids he said, and his behaviour seemed to suggest this - not spending any time with them or unable to relate to them. He worked for the RSPCA as a volunteer but he was cruel to our animals so I don't think he liked animals much and often wondered why he worked there. He is now twenty two but he is still very much a loner, and he still comes to us from time to time and tells us stories of how he is a trainer of young recruits in the army, has seen active service and is currently suffering from PTSD - none of which I believe to be true. But he also claims to be a gardener for a Homeless Project (which may be true) and when he recently found out I was fostering, he claimed to work for a Youth Council as a voluntary outreach worker. Even though he produced a badge to confirm this - it was clearly a fake badge that he had made himself. He presents as very cold, very arrogant and almost contemptuous of everyone. There is a darkness about him that disturbs me. He has recently begun dating a vulnerable sixteen year old and attending our church with her. He has also convinced her and her family that he is a big business man (which I also know is not true). He not only tells these stories but goes to great length to prove them by dressing up and making badges and labels and setting up web pages. He had a year long relationship last year with a girl I would describe as being very cowed and vulnerable, and her parents were so concerned about the relationship that they forcibly removed her from his home. He recently told my husband that he was virtually a qualified foster carer - had had all his checks done apart from one or two. When challenged about his lies even gently, he gets very defensive, very angry - but in a controlled way that is quite disturbing - and will go to great lengths to prove that he is what he is saying he is. I have grave concerns about him, and great concerns about vulnerable people. Am I right to be so concerned?
Hello and thank you for bringing your query to Just Answer...and can truly imagine why you and your husband are both very' concerned about this young man ...and to be perfectly honest with you, going by what you have said re: his conversations and frame of mind, I would be too...
He sounds as though he is suffering delusional thoughts of granduer...that is wanting to be or 'pretending to be someone he really 'isn't....and so has trouble relating to people in the 'real world'..I 'suspect' only that, he 'might' be suffering from an anti-social personality disorder..socio-path disorder of sorts...that is someone who tries to 'manipulate the thinking of others..and if not accepted or agreed with can become hostile or agressive ..( defensive)
This type of personality disorder is very hard to deal with, mainly because they have no regards XXXXX XXXXX thoughts or rights of others...
To confront or challenge such a person ( if this is indeed the case here) them means that you are confronting the delusional 'self' of granduar..and so their own accountability in life..
This young man needs help professional help ..and it sounds to me as though he is not there yet!!! as currently he sees nothing wrong with the 'who he is' or who he claims to be!!...and it might be sometime before he 'ever does' if' he ever does..
Under the circumstances I ( know that this would be difficult for you as easier said than done) but I would be inclined to try and distance yourselves from him in the future...
Confrontation to him spells 'battlefield' I don't mean to frighten you or anything but..
He is the only one that can wake up to himself...and realize that he is living a lie ..and that his life is a lie...I also beleive that at sometime in his life ( as a young boy)..he has felt a failure and been badly criticized and that he hasn't lived up to someones expectations of him..( someone close!!!maybe family!!?) Stand back and try not to make yourself available to him if you can help it...this will only encourage him to 'play out his role'....a much dreamed role...

I truly wish that there was more that I could add, but, this is something that he needs to realize about himself and this will take time...when people become tired of it.....

I truly hope that I have explained it a bit more for you though...and hope it helps.....
Take very good care of 'selves' now and its a good time to become 'unavailable' as his stories will only become bigger and better...

Kind thoughts
warmest wishes
Karyn J (ProfClinicalDipCoBmin)
Karyn Jones and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you very much. I think that in my head and heart I was coming to this sort of conclusion myself and I feel that I will take your advice on.