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I have a family member who suffered from bulimia nervosa

between the ages of 18...
I have a family member who suffered from bulimia nervosa between the ages of 18 and 26. She recovered and got married in 1996. Very unstable marriage with one boy child. They divorced after 5 years of marriage when the child was plus minus 7 months. She re-married at the age of 33 years with a really good man in a successful career. (Engineer).
Her son is now 16 years of age and a daughter from second marriage is now 11 years of age. The boy is fairly overweight and the girl is under weight. All the food like milk and cheese is fat free and diet pills and shakes in all the cupboards. But she is not overweight at all. Her lenght is about 161cm and her weight 50kg.
Although she is intellegent and a successful broker for the last 7 years, she cheated on her husband more than once. She earn a high income and can afford expensive goodies, but I am concerned about the following:
She cannot stop buying. Many times things that she do not need at all.
She had many cosmetic procedures the last 4 years, and keep on doing it.
Focus her conversations on cosmetic procedures and weight reduction and management.
She is very self centered and her “LOOKS” is everything in the world.
She is very rebellious and always have the last word.
She start changing in the last few months and after her last surgery very recently ( of the lower jaw) she is sometimes unstable. One minute so good and the next minute aggressive and a ugly person.
What is going on, I am very concerned about her and the children.
She do not overeat and vomit anymore. I am positive about that.
What is the connection between adolescent/early adulthood and mid-age. Is it possible for concerned behavior to repeat itself at mid-age?
She will be 45 yrs in April 2012.
Is it possible that she change her previous disorder with compulsive obsesive disorder, because it looks like she is unhappy within herself and nothing is closing the gap??
Please help me with relevant articles or anything.
Thank you for your support.
Riekie
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Answered in 51 minutes by:
2/21/2012
Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,177
Experience: Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

It is impossible to diagnose someone over the internet like this. The symptoms and behavior you describe best align with something called a Personality Disorder. You can Google the following topics and then respond to me: DSM-IVTR Borderline Personality Disorder; DSMIVTR Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It is most common for people with a personality disorder to have a mixed type of disorder rather than a single, 'pure' type. That is, they will have some clear signs of one disorder and signs of another; they may not show all signs of both disorders.

People with personality disorders have life-long, unstable relationships. They have deficits in the ability to experience true empathy for others and fail to see how their behavior emotionally affects others. They dishonestly manipulate others in order to extract all of the resources they can. They tend to constantly blame others when problems arise in a relationship and can never accept responsibility for their role in creating a relationship problem. They strike people as self-centered and self-focused, at the expense of other loved ones---they almost never truly sacrifice their time and material resources to help others, UNLESS they do so because it will bring them attention and and significant social recognition. So their motives for sacrificing and giving are still quite obviously selfish. These people also do not benefit from therapy because they truly believe there is nothing wrong with them; all relationship problems are due to the misbehavior or problems of others, so they cannot easily admit their personal faults and contemplate change. Only when a very serious emotional crisis occurs might they be vulnerable to the influence of therapists e.g., a spouse files for a divorce. There is virtually nothing a single person, outside of the family structure can do to get the person to change their behavior---it takes a joint effort by all family members to agree on how to handle the person's selfishness and hurtfulness. For example, there can be a common agreement about how family members will deal with damaging gossip or stories the person might spread about other family members.

I'll pause here and ask you to look up these personality disorder topics and then comment on this family member's behavior and personality style. There is a substantial time zone difference so we may not interact again with this question for many hours or perhaps, a day or so. I am willing to be patient in exchanging information, if you are.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
will study information
O.K., I'll wait for your reaction to your studies and my last post............will be back on this computer later this evening.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago

thank you so much. I have studied borderline personality disorder as well as narcissistic personality disorder. I can see many familiar signs in both disorders but more prominent in the narcissistic one. She is defnitely scared of losing control and aging. She wants to be the beautiful one and the clever one, and this pattern becomes more prominent with age. About 5 years back she was a different person. Lack of empathy and sympathy are also noticable signs. She do gossip and tell lies and caused alot of pain in the larger family cycle.

This is rather a difficult story, but we will try our best. I want to do good not bad and it is difficult because she is looking down on her family, claming that she is the only successful one. I will study treatment extensively before making any move and will rather wait for the best time. Thanks again!

Go to Amazon and under books, type in Narcissistic Personality and locate some workbooks on how to cope with and manage a life with a narcissistic personality disorder. There are several good self-help guides that will appear on the first page of these citations. Let me know if I can be of further help. I would concur----this woman probably has prominent narcissistic personality disorder features.

Please click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks
Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,177
Experience: Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,177
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