Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.
You don't need to fully abandon hope that your bio father will eventually connect with you in some way. But you do have a wise, rational mind that can step back and look at this situation critically. Your wise rational mind has for example, concluded that all your bio father has done so far has been disappointing. You also have a "sort of" emotional, needy and irrational train of thought or 'mind' that has desperately wanted to know your biological father, have a relationship with him and feel his love and concern. But your rational mind is (thankfully) able to see the cold, hard facts of the situation as well. The fact is that for whatever reason, HE CHOSE TO NOT INVOLVE HIMSELF whatsoever in your life as you grew up. He paid no child support apparently, didn't set up a college or vocational training account for your future---even anonymously. And it is clear that he values pleasing his bipolar wife more than he values challenging her and insisting that he maintain a relationship with you. Of course, his wife is threatened, jealous, insecure and her 'nature' and problems do reflect a bit on the kind of man he is. That is, who he chose as a mate speaks volumes about his thinking and judgment, etc. And I think your wise rational mind sees she isn't much to be proud of and that most men would NOT view her as much of a 'catch'. But he chose her and continues to choose her over you.
So..............what does this mean? It really does mean that your wise rational mind is telling you that you can hold out a bit of wistful hope and wishing that your father will become the father you always wanted him to be. If you have a good relationship with your step dad and if he raised you, HE IS YOUR REAL DAD, and you can and should offer him the devotion and love a father deserves, IF HE DESERVES IT. I don't know if he does or does not. Fact is, your biological father has never, and is not presently, really stepping up to fight for a relationship with you. Sad
fact of life, but true. So let's pretend you have a basket and it contains 12 'eggs' containing all of the love and devotion you have to give. I don't know that your bio dad has EARNED even one egg so far. You can save one for him if you'd like
. See if he is willing to earn it. I wouldn't give it to him if he doesn't work a bit harder for it. His 'life' right now is his current wife, and he aims to please her, rather than you. I do understand a bit about the internal, mental conflict you have experienced about this relationship involving your emotional mind and your wise rational mind.
I'm going to pause here and solicit your reaction to this response. What do you think?