All very interesting.
Yeah -- I had a pretty serious concussion in the first grade. I was trying to do a cartwheel on the top of the jungle gym, and someone stepped on my hand, and I fell straight through to the ground and landed on my head and got knocked out. It was in the day when playgrounds were asphault. I didn't have a skull fracture, apparently, but I was really sick and had to stay home from school for 2 weeks and my mom said I wrote backwards, like in mirrored vision. That's the one and only time I ever went home from school sick. Then I had a few concussions in HS - mostly from basketball. I was always the shortest one, and was at the taller girls' elbow height. Then in college, while playing intramural flag football for our sorority, somebody knocked me down and another girl had jumped and landed on my head. She didn't mean to. I was pretty sick with that one, too, and initially couldn't see, but just for a few seconds.
But I have had tons of neurological tests, MRIs, MREs, CT scans, etc. in the past few years. I had an episode about 3 1/2 years ago where half my face went numb for a few days. I thought it as weird, but didn't worry about it. Then, several weeks later, it happened again, but then I got a big blind spot in that eye. So I went to urgent care, and they ran some tests, which showed nothing except that when the doctor stuck a needle in that side of my face, I couldn't feel it at all. So she sent me to the ER for a CT scan, which showed nothing, and they referred me to a neurologist, but my appointment was like 2 months later. Then, over the next 10 days, I started losing feeling in or control over much of that side of my body, then some of the other side. And I was so fatigued I couldn't believe it. By the next week, walking up one flight of steps was a huge chore, and I was slurring, etc. So I went back to the ER, had the same Dr. who was there a few weeks before. They did a CT scan and MRI, and ultrasound of my carotid artery, and all sorts of stuff, but couldn't figure it out. I was in the hospital for several days, in which time I had the worst headache I have ever had in my life. Before that, I would get bad migraines, but only like once or twice a year. They gave me what I call a "default diagnosis" of having had a stroke, which I seriously doubted. After that, I had an echocardiagram because they thought maybe i had a hole in my heart letting clots through, which I didn't, and so many other tests. I got a different neurologist, and she doubted the stroke diagnosis, too, but wasn't sure. They thought i had MS, and I had endless tests, but they concluded I did not. They also ruled out seizures and a bunch of other stuff. Since that eposide, I have migraines all the time now. My neurologist finally concluded that I have complicated migraines, where I don't have the pain, but my symptoms mimic a stroke. I agree with that. I have had a number of such episodes since, and to someone who doesn't know me, it looks and sounds like I am drunk. I have those much less often then the actual migraines with pain. I can't take the regular migraine meds because of stroke risk, because she wasn't totally positive I wasn't having strokes, and for some other reason having to do with the MRE - some vascular thing in my brain. So I take stuff to try to prevent migraines, which works fairly well, and then just pain meds when I have them. But usually about once a year, my neurologist would decide that she wasn't sure this was it, and so send me for another round of a ton of tests. She moved, so I am actually seeing my new neurologist for the first time this afternoon. ALL THAT LONG, LONG STORY TO SAY that my head injuries have not caused any lasting, visible effects on my brain, I'm certain, since I've had the thing looked at so many times.
ANd I think you are right about the reason I felt like I was fighting with you -- because our talk was not allowing me to bury my feelings.
So, you agree with L that my present feelings are actually my past feelings? I'm not sure I totally grasp that.
As for asking my dad's advice -- it would probably be good, but I will probably wait until my former partner gets back to me with some proposal (assuming he will). I'm sure my dad will be supportive of whatever, but he will tell me to make sure I set the ground rules right off the bat vis-a-vis the wife, since her actions were such a problem. But the fact is that I have grown up and learned from leaving, too, and so I don't think the ground rules would have to be as restrictive as I would have insisted upon when I left (such as she cannot step foot in the building :) ) Also, my partner was kind of like a dad. He is totally unemotional, but he made an effort to come and hear me whenever I was singing, when I got baptized, etc. He would come over and fix things at my house, etc. He has 3 sons and no daughters, so I think he liked it. And I think that was a small part of his wife's issues -- because he never bothered to go to his kids' stuff, even football games or whatever in HS, but he did with me, and he and I talked more than he ever talked to her (or vice-versa) or to his kids. He's a quirky guy, but I like him, and we are totally opposite as far as work/our practice goes, which makes us a good pair. His wife is a totally depressing, self-centered, strange, socially awkward, crazy individual who is so lacking in attention it's scary. Someone told me they think she has aspberger's syndrome, but I doubt she'd seek any help or diagnosis, because she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her. She and I go to the same church, which has been quite awkward at times.
And I really did feel a little bette rafter feeling yesterday. But it is EXHAUSTING! Go figure.