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MN Psychiatrist
MN Psychiatrist, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 792
Experience:  Physician for 17 years, adult psychiatrist for 13 years working with a wide variety of patients.
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I have a history of befriending Narcissist and have begun to

Customer Question

I have a history of befriending Narcissist and have begun to reject these relationships. I'd "cleaned house" on these friends but when I find new friends, they are narcissists (I don't go looking for these people, they find and pursue me). What "aroma" am I giving off that I am attracting these people. I'd considered "I'm a narcissist" but I'm very giving, apologize quickly, and forgive quickly, so I don't fit the description. How do I stop attracting these "users"?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 5 years ago.
Hello, I am a psychiatrist.
This sure sounds frustrating.
While it may be overly simplified to think this way, at times it is helpful to think of people as puzzle pieces in terms of how they fit together. Namely, if someone is very giving, they may attract someone who's prone to take, which describes a lot of narcissists. If you are quick to apologize, you may attract people who like to receive apologies, and this also describes a lot of narcissists. If you are quick to forgive, you may be more tolerant of narcissists than many other people, so this may also draw them towards you. While these traits you have are all virtues, they may be the "aroma" that's attracting the narcissists in your life.

The BEST way to make changes in your behaviors and relationships so that you stop attracting narcissists is to start seeing a therapist regularly (weekly or biweekly) with whom you can explore your specific behavior patterns - so you can formulate a strategy for how to do this. This will also help you to learn to recognize narcissists earlier than you do now, so that you can avoid them.

Does this make sense?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for the answer but you simply took what I wrote and creatively re-wrote it, then perscribed a "professional". I've interviewed a few professionals to be an "accountability partner" on selecting better friends and releiving myself of poor friends. Of the 3 that I interviewed, they didn't understand why a 'friend" wasn't my accountability partner and why I'd hire a professional accountablity partner. The actually made me feel worse for asking :0
Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 5 years ago.
I was simply using your examples because I thought it would personalize my answer to you better.

I'm unclear what an "accountability partner" is, as you mean it in this context, or what that has do to with gleaning insights in therapy so that you can avoid relationships with narcissistic people. Having a friend who gives advice is very different from undergoing psychotherapy. I'd be shocked if you told a therapist that you wanted help with learning how to avoid relationships with narcissists and he/she asked you why you didn't just get a friend to help you with that. (I didn't tell you to do that.)

I'd be glad to try to help you, but if you'd rather I open this question up to other experts, just let me know - I'd be happy to do so.
MN Psychiatrist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thanks and I do value your time and desire to provide the right path. I use the term accountabiltiy partner because I allow bad friendships and do it again and again. I was willing to pay someone to listen to me and stop me when "I don't hear me doing it again". The "professionals" knew what I was asking, just didn't understand why I wouldn't have a friend be the accountability partner. When I'd tell all 3 of them that's why I can't have a friend, I pick bad friends, they looked at me with deer in the headlights stares. I'm going to just assume that this is my path, these people are my thorns, and this will be the cross I have to bear. Seems no one gets what I'm asking and if I already know the answer, then why am I asking. I'll honor your time and accept the answer.


Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 5 years ago.
I'm glad to be of help.