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David Akiva
David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience:  Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
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My 32 year old husband of 13years was caught in an affair

Customer Question

My 32 year old husband of 13years was caught in an affair about 4 months ago. At first when he left things spiraled out of control. I filed for divorce almost immediately. My husband lived with friends and now is living with his 23 year old girlfiend at her parents place. He is currently is the process of getting his own place. We have been together for 20 years and have two children together. I have been in counseling since this affair came out. I have realized my role in this affair and have accepted my faults in our marriage. I worked hard to come to this point. My husband is just now starting to come around about wether or not he wants to move on with this divorce or work on his marriage. He was only expressing anger and no remorse or consideration of reconcilliation. He has now been communicating and says the he doesn't know for sure what he wants and that he needs time to think about all of this. Can this marriage be saved and how?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  David Akiva replied 5 years ago.
DuddyH :

Welcome, I'm a professional counselor and behavioral-consultant. I'd like to chat with you for a few moments to better understand your question and the situation you're describing here. Do you have a few minutes now?




Are you there?

David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
David Akiva and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I am a Moderator with Just Answer, I have Emailed your Expert so that when he comes back on line he will see your response and will return to assist you. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience:-)

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Thank you
Expert:  Dr. L replied 5 years ago.

Good Morning,

I applaud your efforts to understand your part in the affair and to hold yourself accountable to changing and becoming healthy. You are so very right that setting about to better understand yourself will benefit you no matter the outcome of your marriage.

It is only natural that you are not 100% sure whether you want to reconcile your marriage. Considerable damage has been done. Certainly your husband's actions and attitude are an affront to a 20 year marriage! Knowing if he has the motivation and capacity to be that trusting, loyal, and loving man of the past is an uncertainty.

I agree that getting him into counseling - whether individual or couple - is necessary if there is to be any hope of reconciliation.

Because you cannot control his behavior or make decisions for him, all you can do at this point is to ask him.By pointing out how you believe it has helped you perhaps he will see the benefits.From what you wrote, he does sound ambivalent about his current status. Whether that ambivalence is enough motivation is another question.

In the meantime, I encourage you to remember that you have only one life to live. You have made significant steps in seeking a healthy lifestyle marked by honesty and transparency. You have much to offer to a loving, respectful, and committed relationship. Choose your future wisely.

Dr. Levang

Expert:  Dr. L replied 5 years ago.

Good Morning,

I'm checking back to see if you have posted a reply, or if I can be of further help.

Please remember to press the Green Accept button if you are satisfied with my initial response.

Many thanks!

Dr. Levang