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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I just caught my husband and friend cheating in person. They

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I just caught my husband and friend cheating in person. They were both extremely intoxicated, neither says they remember how it even started, it was the first time and would never happen again. I feel like I want to go off by myself, but I have two small children and my husband cannot leave his job. We live in another country and I have no other friends or any family near by. I want things to work out with my husband, but I don't know where to begin.


Due to my husband's job, he could be punished criminally for doing this and my friend's husband could start the process. He (friend's husband) is out of town until the end of this weekend. I feel that if I don't reconcile some with my "friend" then she may end up telling her husband. I don't know what to do with her either.

Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Right now you need to focus on your marriage. If you want this relationship back then you need to consider a couples counselor to see why this happened. Nothing just happens. It happens because two people want to cheat on their partner. There is usually something missing that leads to such betrayal. Your husband may not know why it started but he knows why it occurred. Alcohol does not make you do things you don't want to do. It simply helps give you the courage to do it. Explore why this possibly could have happened and address the issues that lead to such choices. I would be wondering why my husband would consider cheating. He really has the answers. He has to search his soul for them. The details about the incident isn't what is important. See how motivated he is to maintain the relationship by offering to get help. He will let you know what he will and will not do.


As far as the legal issue I would talk to the friend and let her know that she could ruin both relationships. Ask her to not ruin your situation by her actions. She has the right to tell her husband but ask her to not pursue any legal consequences. She can talk to her husband and ask him to not pursue legal action. There is nothing else you can do.


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