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Karyn Jones
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience:  Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
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Good Day Im in desperate need for help and advice. My husband

Resolved Question:

Good Day
I’m in desperate need for help and advice.
My husband and I are actually on a brink of divorce, please help.
I am 30 years old and have two adorable children, my son Dewald is turning 4 in April and my daughter is turning 2 in November.
The problem is I have a extremely short temper. Now as you can imagine my son is an active little man. I was brought up in a very strict household and I feel that we have to be strict with our kids too. My husband does not like conflict so he evades it as much as possible, basically my son can do whatever he want and Daddy doesn’t care. He has also noticed that whenever I punish him his Dad takes his side, so he plays us up against each other.
This has resulted in me having a dislike for me OWN Son, I love him to bits but at the same time I despise him for doing this and I have developed the same feelings for my husband.
He always makes me feel like a monster. All I wanted was to educate and raise loving children. Children that respect their elders, but he makes it seem like I abuse them and trust me I don’t.
Although my son pushes me a bit far sometime I have never hurt him.
What am I to do, how can I save my marriage and regain the love for my husband and child.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 5 years ago.
Hello thank you for bringing your concerns to Just Answer...and I am truly very sorry to hear of your impending situation and great stress right now and truly feel for you ..
To be sincerely XXXXX XXXXX you ..your husband should not be taking sides' so to speak with your young son against you and your better judgment..What really must happen is that your husband 'must ' stand by you and most of all 'support' you in directing and teaching your young toddler..This is crucial in relationship and in all marriages..
Children are oh so very wise and they can see through 'any' weakness or 'fine hairline 'cracks' within a marriage ( relationship) and will use this to the best of their ability!..
Not good news I know but!! you and your husband really need to work together on this and be a 'team' in raising your children..particularly boys..because they have inbuilt into them the 'dominant' factor and will do all they can to work and manipulate this to their advantage..
Your husband will need to take back authority because this is what your son is looking for in a dad a 'role' model to learn from..if he doesn't do this your son will grow up with feelings of insecurity because it would mean that he has 'run the roost' ( so to speak).
Boys in particular will try every trick in the book to get their own way and will often unfortunately play one 'agreeable 'parent off against the other..hence creating much tension and guilt..not a very nice place to be have to say..
As the loving and caring parents you are 'must ' need to work to together on this for your own sanity, for the sake of your young son and for your marriage..
Your husband needs to do his share and take fatherly responsibility towards your son..a joint effort is called for ..

I truly pray with all' my heart that this has helped to point you both' in the right direction...if it has then please 'accept' it as it helps to continue our service on in the future..Please take special' care of 'self now also..
God bless you 'both'
Kind thoughts
Karyn J ( ProfClinicalDipCoBmin)
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