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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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What are the signs that a marriage is over?

Resolved Question:

What are the signs that a marriage is over?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

The question isn't clear about whether the signs are to be interpreted from the individual who is watching their partner drift away from the marriage, or whether you want to end the marriage yourself. I'll list the issues from the standpoint of watching one's partner drift away.

Your spouse would literally be arranging his life 'as if' he were single. Communication with you would be brief, limited and superficial. He would be more emotionally distant and completely uninterested in holding conversations with you about most anything. He would be protective of his financial earnings and increasingly secretive, nondisclosing. He may physically separate from you or move out. He would tell you that he either doesn't love you any longer, or that he does have feelings for you but that you are simply no longer a good match for each other. The implication is that he is NOW looking for another match-mate. Odds are good that he is enrolled in one or more social networking sites and talking to or dating other women. He has perhaps told you that he is not good for you as a partner and that he hopes you would find someone else who is more compatible with you. Your sex life is terrible or nonexistent. If sex occurs, it is impersonal and he is self-focused on his own pleasure and not in the least concerned about yours. Or you simply have more or less stopped having sex. If he is seeing other women, he may feel worried and guilty and stops having sex with you because he simply feels guilty, is disinterested because his sexual needs are already being satisfied, and he may have a slight worry that you'd catch an STD from him, so he at least has the respect for you to not expose you.

He would be happy if you dated someone else or wishes you would have an affair, so this would ease his conscience and he could blame your behavior on his the divorce----in his mind, it would be better if you caused a divorce, even though he really, really wants one. These are different sources of evidence and they don't all apply to a given case of course. BUT IT IS THE COMBINATION of several pieces of evidence that show that a marriage is over.

What do you think?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
It is actually me that is feeling this way. some fof this is true. I do love him and care about him, just not sure if i am in love with him anymore. We have sex but only because he implements it, and only becasue he wants it, and i have no desire to have sex, at first i thought i was the problem, now i am thinking it is because i just don't want to have sex with him. I don't find him attractive anymore...or at least i don't think i do. We get a*****, *****'t really fight, but I just know that i don't feel like i did 16 years ago, or even 5 years ago. I ma not having an affair, but have been seeking the attention from another man, a friend from years ago. We talk alot, and flirt on the phone...thats it, but we did try to meet up a while back , just to talk, but we couldn't end up getting together. I just don't know if I am thinking about this other person because of not feeling it with my husband. I also am feeling guilty.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
I think now is the perfect time for you to talk to someone who can provide you with a safe, completely confidential emotional environment in which you can vent your thoughts, ideas, emotional needs etc., about your life. It is important for you to figure out what you want for the remainder of your life in a relationship, and then whether you and your husband can 'get there' through say, marital therapy; or whether you would even WANT that to happen. Maybe you really don't want to become emotionally closer to him, even if he tried to cause it to happen. You have some wishes and fantasies for your life you really need to examine and explore. Have you thought about seeing a clinical or counseling psychologist or clinical social worker to talk this stuff out?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Yes i have, in fact i have a # to one that was recommended to me, i just haven't made the call yet. But i think i am going to. that obviously the right thing to do at this point.

I appreciate your input, and help.

Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
Best of luck to you. Please let me know if I can be of further assistance. Please click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks.
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