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David Akiva
David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience:  Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
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Marriage help

Customer Question

I am a 29 year old mother, wife, full-time student and employee. I know people do it all the time but I HAVE NO ENERGY and I'm always tired. On top of that my husband and I are having issues. He was unfaithful before marriage and I am having a hard time trusting him. I was never into sex before we we're married and that bothered him being that he is EXTREMELY sexual. Now that we are married, I want to have sex all the time but I never am the aggressor and that bothers him since he has been chasing me for 8 years and a lot of the times getting rejected. I love his aggressiveness and passion and I wish I wasn't so shy and reserved and can show him a wild side but I'm so fearful of rejection and being hurt again. Our communication has been 100 times better since we've been married since I am now listening to his concerns but I feel like he is fed up with me.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  David Akiva replied 5 years ago.

DuddyH :

Welcome, I'm a professional counselor and behavioral-consultant. I'd like to chat with you for a few moments to better understand your question.

DuddyH :

You are showing as Offline right now in the chat window. Once you respond here, I will be sent and e-mail and return to chat with you.

JACUSTOMER-34qibxmo- :

Don't see the answer....

Customer:

Do i need to hit accept to see the answer?

DuddyH :

Hi. I just got the message that you've returned. Sorry for the delay...

DuddyH :

No you don't pay for any answer here until you are satisfied your question has been answered.

DuddyH :

You've given a very detailed description of the problem you're talking about. I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this right now....

DuddyH :

I'm not clear on your question though. Would you mind clarifying?

Customer:

Just looking for advice on whether I'm in over my head. He's super sexual, I'm not and the trust issues have caused me to be even more reserved and I'm actually angry with him and...

Customer:

We have been together for 8 years and our differences have always been an issue but I am just now taking them seriously now that we are married

Customer:

Are we just not compatible and should go our separate ways?

DuddyH :

Thank you for taking the time to clarify your question. I really appreciate it....

DuddyH :

I can tell you that the best available marital therapy research and relationship science teach us that one of the most important parts of a healthy long lasting marriage is a strong emotional connection....

DuddyH :

My experience as couples counselor working with hundreds of distressed couples confirms this...

DuddyH :

Most couples have different needs in the relationship. But what what is most important is that emotional connection and to feel safe emotionally and loved. For example, recent major research has surprised many couples therapists because it showed that when a couple really builds their emotional or love connect, most sexual issues in the relationship spontaneously resolve or get better....

Customer:

How do i do that? We are starting to communicate better but all our convo's seem to just confirm how irritated we are with each other...

DuddyH :

My advice to every couple is that they learn basic proven couple communication skills that lead to deep emotional intimacy. Only then can they determine if its worth a full mutual commitment to the relationship.

DuddyH :

It's hard to say because there are so many different means for "communicate"....

DuddyH :

sorry meanings for the word communication.

DuddyH :

The best couples communication process I know of comes from a counseling approach called emotionally focused therapy for couples or EFT....

DuddyH :

EFT is the best, XXXXX XXXXX form of therapy for couples in the world right now.....

DuddyH :

I would recommend that you both read the book "Hold Me Tight" by Dr. Sue Johnson. It actually guides a couple through and teaches a very simple but very powerful communication process. You can usually find it in your local library for free because it is considered the best relationship self help book around by most trained couple therapists. Let me get you a short video link that explains the process....back in a minute or so...

Customer:

Thanks I will definitely read this...

DuddyH :

I am not an EFT therapist but I did read the book with my wife when it came out. We then went to EFT therapy an actually had a 90 minute session with the woman in that video as part of the therapy. I have also referred many of my own clients for EFT after they are behaviorally stabilized. I've only heard and experienced wonderful results.

DuddyH :

You are very welcome. Have I answered your question ok?

Customer:

yes

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