Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health

I Live in Africa. I've been in a distance relationship with

Customer Question
I Live in Africa. I've...
I Live in Africa. I've been in a long distance relationship with a girl in a different country. Things were so good between us. I was visiting her every 2 months for 2 to 3 weeks. And we were talking on daily basis via telephone. Last week I met her parents. After that she broke up with me for her parents didn't want her to go to Africa. I'm so down. Not sleeping, thinking too much. Please help.
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Mental Health
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 1 minute by:
1/26/2012
Mental Health Professional: David Akiva, BA, MA, replied 5 years ago
David Akiva
David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
Verified
Duddy :

Welcome, I am a professional counselor and behavioral-consultant. I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through this right now.....

Duddy :

Do you have a few minutes to chat so that I can better understand the situation and problem you are describing?

Duddy :

Thought I'd check back to see if you've had a chance to respond. Again, I'd like to chat with you for a few minutes if that's ok. Let me know 1 or 2 times that are best for you.

Duddy :

Checking in with you again and I realized that you are in Africa so the time zone must be very different. I will check back in with you here around 7AM EST (my earliest). I look forward to chatting with you and to answering your question.

Duddy :

I haven't had an e-mail notification of our return for chat, but is shows that you were here at 5:07. Please let me know when we can chat so I can get a better understanding of your question and provide my best possible answer.

Duddy :

....

DuddyH :

Checking in again. Shows you were last on this page 10:51 but no chat response. I'll check back again shortly.

Customer:

I am online. I will be waiting for you.

DuddyH :

Thank you.

DuddyH :

I just saw your return.

Customer:

Hey

DuddyH :

Would you mind telling me more about the situation you're describing?

DuddyH :

How are you doing right now?

Customer:

Ok

Customer:

I met a girl in October 2010. We met for coffee. We had a chat them I traveled back to Africa.

Customer:

We were talking on daily basis from Africa.

Customer:

Things were going so fine between us

Customer:

I was traveling every 2 months to see her

Customer:

and we were spending amazing time together

Customer:

Last time when i was in Lebanon

Customer:

I met her parents

Customer:

She waited for me to travel than she told me her dad didn't accept her to go to Africa

Customer:

and she has to break up

Customer:

What is weird is that she knew that I was living there

Customer:

in Africa

Customer:

I just don't get it

Customer:

She told me she wants us to remain friend

DuddyH :

Do you have access to short term solution focused counseling in Burkina Faso?

Customer:

Honestly I'm not sad coz I lost her I'm just sad the way she manipulated and fooled me all this time

Customer:

No

Customer:

I was honest with her from the start

DuddyH :

I am really sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. It must be very difficult for you.

DuddyH :

How do you know that she was manipulating you or fooling you? Is it not possible that she didn't know that her parents would react that way?

Customer:

Yeah maybe

DuddyH :

So how can I best help you today; - what is your basic question here?

Customer:

I need to move on and I just can't.

Customer:

she's still texting me

DuddyH :

and she wants to be friends still?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

but i don't believe in friendship with an ex

DuddyH :

Sounds to me like you need to go through a grieving process right now so that you can get over the loss of the relationship then.

DuddyH :

It is a very difficult process, but there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. I have suggested to clients I've worked with that they take a 30 day communication break in such situations...

DuddyH :

That way you are not having your negative emotions triggered while you get over the relationship....

DuddyH :

Let me get you a couple of links so you can study and understand the process and the steps of getting over such an emotional attachment...back in a few moments, then I'll share some more proven tips....

Customer:

ok

DuddyH :

Here is the first link. A very good break down of the steps: http://kathrynvercillo.hubpages.com/hub/Relationships-Ending-The-Five-Stages-of-Grief

DuddyH :

Here is another basic explanation of the stages or steps of getting over a break up: http://www.livestrong.com/article/125548-stages-grief-after-breakup/

DuddyH :

From what you've described in your original question and then in chat is sounds like the anger and sadness steps. It's important to know that these stages can come up in various orders. Some people will feel angry, then go into a period of bargaining and sadness and even some acceptance and then back again. The best grieving studies tell us clearly that these are the steps but they take place in different orders and different intensities for different people.

DuddyH :

It is a painful process at times, like having a bad flu or sickness. But if you take care of yourself you can and will get over it in a shorter period of time...

DuddyH :

It is very important to 1) take a communication break for at least 1 month, 2) really study the grieving process so you know what stage you are in at a given moment; 3) really take care of your self - for example - don't drink alcohol or use any drugs during this time because they are proven to make things worse; - get lots of rest (sleep at least 8 hours every night); 4) Make sure to spend lots of time with friends and family who really care about you; 5) eat very healthy until you start to really feel better again...

DuddyH :

Once you get strong again emotionally, you may consider having a strong healthy friendship with this girl or maybe not that will be up to you....

DuddyH :

Social support is very, important. There are 2 kinds. The first is where you actually talk about your negative feelings with caring friends and family members. The second is just hanging out with people who really care about you. Getting exercise regularly is really good too. You can always go for a brisk walk or hike with a friend or family member and just talk it out when you feel down...

DuddyH :

Now that is a lot of information. Do you have any other questions about the grieving process?

DuddyH :

Here is another link from the University of Alberta in Canada. Very good resource and information - http://tinyurl.com/78wcqzd

DuddyH :

Are you still there?

DuddyH :

Well you haven't responded in for about 10 minutes. I assume that you may be reading the links I provided or you may be doing something else right now....

DuddyH :

I sure hope that you have found my detailed answer to my question helpful. Please do not forget to press the green "Accept" button so that I am paid for my time researching and answering your question. If you feel I've left something out, please let me know and I will work to improve my answer until it is fully acceptable to you.

Customer:

Thank you so much for your help

DuddyH :

You are very welcome!

DuddyH :

I wish you the very best in your emotional grieving and recovery process.

David Akiva
David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
Verified
David Akiva and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask David Akiva Your Own Question
David Akiva
David Akiva
David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
167 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant

David Akiva is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
If I'm having trouble sleeping at night and unable to
If I'm having trouble sleeping at night and unable to concentrate not to mention feeling constantly sad and unable to eat, what could I be suffering from?… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Have been on duluxetine and still have trouble sleeping.
have been on duluxetine and still have trouble sleeping. Ordered Klova patch that has minimum 5-htp and hope that will be safe so I can sleep at night. … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Taking lorazepam as a sleep aid....have been very anxious
taking lorazepam as a sleep aid....have been very anxious for several weeks. Doctor unavailable this week. Can I take it during the day for relief from anxiety? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I am 63 years old. I have suffered from bouts of sleep
I am 63 years old. I have suffered from bouts of sleep paralysis all my life so sleep has always been uneasy for me but I have recently suffered a severe auto accident. Since the accident my fear of b… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Ocd self doubts. I take sleeping tablets to help me sleep.
Hi Pearl, I take sleeping tablets to help me sleep. My mood is a bit depressed and I started taking medication as prescribed by my GP yesterday thanks. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Sleeping all day, at one moment can feel on top of the
Sleeping all day, at one moment can feel on top of the world, and another time feel super sad… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
Ever since my mom died I have extreme anxiety. Sleep. Good
Ever since my mom died I have extreme anxiety JA: How long have you been dealing with this? Is there anything in particular that seems to make the symptoms better or worse? Customer: Sleep JA: Anythin… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Was on Zoloft 200 mg for GAD and 1mg of Atavan to aid sleep.
Was on Zoloft 200 mg for GAD and 1mg of Atavan to aid sleep. Over the last few months I've steadily gained weight and I fully tapered off the medicine about 3/4 weeks ago. DUring my time on the medici… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I have been taking .25 Ativan to sleep for seven months, due
I have been taking .25 Ativan to sleep for seven months, due to taking Levaquin, which brought on terrible anxiety and many other symtoms which were horrific. I feel I am hurting my Gaba transmitters … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Vns-swallowing horsemeat 5 yer. It had stopped sleeping.
vns-swallowing horsemeat 5 yer JA: How is your mood? Are you experiencing regular sleep disturbances (e.g. trouble falling asleep, waking up early)? Customer: Yes it had stopped sleeping JA: Anything … read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,677 satisfied customers
I am on escitalopram 10mg....I can't sleep at night....what
Hi ...I am on escitalopram 10mg....I can't sleep at night....what is a good drug to use? … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I take Trazodone 25 (half tablet) for depression and sleep
I take Trazodone 25 (half tablet) for depression and sleep quality. Without it, I roar like a lion, yawning the next day. I have taken Prozac 40 for ten years which chases the Trazodone, for me, the n… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I have a question regarding anti-anxiety and sleeping
I have a question regarding anti-anxiety and sleeping tablets. Can you help me with this? … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
What should I expect to ask you? My mood is mellow, sleep
My mood is mellow, sleep disturbances are collaborative to my issues … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
OKMH824211 I sometimes have difficulty sleeping. It's not a
OKMH824211 I sometimes have difficulty sleeping. It's not a chronic problem, but it happens often enough that I'd like to find techniques/methods that can help me when I experience the problem. I don'… read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,677 satisfied customers
I quit Klonopin 3.5 months ago, but still only sleeping 2
I quit Klonopin 3.5 months ago, but still only sleeping 2 days a week. I am completely sleep deprived and feel like I am going mad. I have tried almost every other medication for sleep to no avail. Am… read more
Dr. Phil, MD
Dr. Phil, MD
Internal Medicine Physician
Doctoral Degree
2,677 satisfied customers
I am looking for support and counselling. My sleep is fine.
Hi, my name is ***** ***** I am looking for support and counselling … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I have had trouble sleeping for a few weeks have depression
I have had trouble sleeping for a few weeks have depression and anxiety. At 10:00pm I took my Restorial 7.75 and 1/2 tablet of Ambein 3mg I think. Still awake, any suggestions? … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x