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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5838
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate, Well my appointment was rough. She was very

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Well my appointment was rough. She was very straightforward and honest with me which I sometimes am too sensitive to.
She told me her speciality was more in the depression, anxiety, OCD, etc. area and not with personality disorders. She asked me if was interested in this intensive group program that is run out of one of our hospitals. It's very intensive and deals directly with personality traits (mainly the cutting and using that as a coping mechanism) that I exhibit. But it's every day for six weeks. I wasn't sure. I don't cut that much and I really want to keep my relationship with her but she does not treat "cutters" or personality disorder types so in order to continue to stay with her I have to promise not to do this. Well of course I did because she is so important to me, I would do most anything.
She says she's not deserting me but it sure felt like it. This seems to happen to me quite a bit which is why I don't let people get too close to me. I think we have a pretty solid relationship after 2 years but I feel far too needy with respect to her. I give her too much power over my feelings. I don't know how to change this either.
I think I may show her/read her the goodbye letter I wrote. It scares me how sad I can sometimes get. I often seem pretty 'up" when I see her when in reality it isn't how I really feel. It scares me to dig too deep into my feelings but I don't think there is an easy way to express them. Or if there is, I don't know what it is.


I understand your feelings. When a therapist tells you that they are transferring you for other treatment, it can feel like a rejection.

What your therapist is telling you is that she feels she is not helping you. She may not have the education or experience to provide you with what you need to get better. She may also feel that you would receive better treatment with this program.

As a therapist, she is bound by an ethical code. And that code says that if a therapist feels they are not able to help a client, they are obligated to refer the person to another therapist or program that will be able to help.

You need to feel you can share with your therapist and trust she is there to help you. And I think she is. She just wants to be sure you get the best treatment possible.

Showing her your goodbye letter is ok to do. Before you do, ask yourself what you are hoping she will say or do for you. If you are aware of your expectations from her, it may help you feel better about her response.

It is easy to feel very needy with your therapist. You are there to get help and try to work through some pretty difficult issues. But the idea of therapy is for you to eventually be able to do without your therapist. It is to help you build the coping skills to help yourself through the tough times.

Take your time to think about what might be best for you. This program may give you the support and insight you need to feel better. Also, you can talk to your therapist about coming back after the program is over to talk with her. That way, you can still see her but also address some of the issues that your therapist may not feel qualified to help you with.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.


Thanks for your response. I think I already knew a lot of what you said but I was too wrapped up in losing her to think logically. It takes me so long to trust that having to start over feels overwhelming. Plus, I like her and I think we have a good rapport. When I told her that I would stop the cutting she said that was fine and she would continue to treat me and work with me. Plus she made herself available to me for a second one hour session per week with her. You would think this alone would convince me that she is committed to helping me.

It is my choice whether or not to enter the other program. However, it is very intense group sessions. I don`t like the idea of speaking about my issues in front of a bunch of strangers. I don`t think I would benefit that much from it. Although I am quite sure if I did decide to enter into this program, she would start to see me again to work on the areas she specializes in (depression, OCD, anxiety).

I feel so confused about so many things. I don`t think my therapist realizes how sad I really have been for the past couple of weeks. I cry for no apparent reason, I sleep lots, no appetite, can`t concentrate, tired, etc. This is my fault because all I complain about is how I don`t know how to cope with the tough feelings after our session. It is because of this constant complaint that she thinks the program may be good for me. But she did say that her and I could also do the same.

I feel like I am just punching in time. Each morning I wake up, I wish it were night time again. I feel exhausted thinking about facing the day. As for my letter, I think by reading it, it will help her to understand how sad I really am. I often don`t feel able to tell her this. The letter clearly shows how depressed I am. I don`t think I am looking for a particular response from her just an understanding of how I have been feeling.

Thanks again Kate. If I didn`t have you to write to, I`m not sure I would make it in between my sessions. You are a life saver for me while I am getting or trying to get through this rough patch.


Kathy, you are welcome. I am glad I can help you and be here for when you need to talk.

I think it is a very good idea for you to tell your therapist how you feel. Being sad and depressed all the time is something she can address. You also need to let her know that group therapy makes you uncomfortable and that you feel you would not benefit from it. Ask her if there is another way you can address the cutting issue, maybe try a program on line or use a resource such as a book and talk to her about it.

When you show her your letter, tell that you are showing her so you can have her understanding about how you feel. Let her know what you told me, that you want her to understand the depth of your feelings and that you want her help in how to resolve how you feel.

It's good that she is willing to keep working with you. Providing you with more time does say that she wants to work with you. On your part, you may want to try working on some of the issues on your own. Try some of the resources you and I spoke about. Try joining an on line group or at least a chat about your feelings. Share books you read with your therapist so she can see you are making an effort and using what she helps you with outside of therapy. It may add to your therapy and help you progress faster, so you don't have so many days where you feel like you can't wait until bed.


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