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Kate, Thanks for your quick response. I will try to do some

Kate, Thanks for your quick response...
Kate,
Thanks for your quick response. I will try to do some of the things you suggested. I just have very little, if any, motivation to do any of them.
Absolutely her having to leave was not only disappointing for me but it made me feel desperate. I really like to seem strong. But when it comes to my sessions with her, I just look forward to them because I feel even if I don't feel better, I might learn something about myself and be better able to cope.
I know I have gotten through tough situations before but it seems a bit more intense for me this go around. I seem to be afraid sometimes of myself and the self-harming. I feel like I am not in complete control of myself especially right now. I feel like I am sinking deeper into despair.
The other night when I was having some tough thoughts, I decided to journal as this often works. However it sort of turned out to be a suicide letter saying good-bye to everyone, thanking specific people, etc. It scared me when I re-read it today. It made me feel very sad that I felt that way when I wrote it.
This is the part of me that is scary. I am impulsive. I often do things without thinking them through and the consequences that may come with it. Knowing this about myself does not seem to help me because when I am in that one moment, nothing else seems to matter or enter my mind.
Kathy
She said to me before we left that she knows I would not kill myself because of my daughter and that self-
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Answered in 19 minutes by:
1/14/2012
TherapistMarryAnn
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5,897
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kathy,

It is natural that you would want to see your therapist. The opportunity to get everything off your chest and allow your therapist to not only share in your burden but to help guide you through and support you is very appealing. And it was a loss when you could not see her. It is important that you see it as a loss and allow yourself to feel down about it. But you will not go that low, because you have gone through this before and you have done just fine. It is just a matter of time moving forward until you see her again.

You are not out of control. Your feelings may make you feel that way, and it is a valid feeling. But you are in complete control of what you do and how you act. Allowing your feelings to dictate your actions is a way for you to cope. It is also a way for you to express your feelings, but not always in a healthy way. Letting go of your pain through cutting yourself is only a temporary measure. The pain always comes back. By letting go of that option and telling yourself you will not do it, you open up all the other options that do help. This may not seem appealing or helpful at first, but in the long run it is more beneficial to you.

Your goodbye letter in your journal was ok to write. You did not start off with the intention of hurting yourself. It seems that you may have just been expressing some feelings that you have. Wanting to die when you feel down is normal. You cannot pretend it doesn't cross your mind. But taking action is a whole other situation. And you were not taking action, only expressing thoughts.

Tell yourself that you have control because you do.

Kate

TherapistMarryAnn
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