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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5824
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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A female close friend of mine is 33 yro, smokes close to 1

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a female close friend of mine is 33 yro, smokes close to 1 pack of cigarettes per day and also has been doing marijuana for 8 years or more. now she smokes pot every day and i have seen her take a puff on her coffee break. she also does hash oil on a cigarette and collects the smokes in a plastic water bottle where she inhales the smoke from hash oil. she recently told me she did a line of cocaine and she does it 3 times per year.... her ex-boyfriend and her were together for 8 years and the both did drugs including coke. she also drinks wine usually a bottle when she is high at home or 3-4 drinks while she is out at the bar etc. she is close to her family and suffering from rejection by ex. also she talks a lot, seems rough for a female, swears like a guy, very volatile, spark plug type personality. when she is high she is nice person sweet and smooth relaxed and talks less... she says if she didn't take pot she would have been on riddylin for attention deficit etc. i am trying to help her but don't want to get too involved in someone who loves to get high. she is not into relationships with men but is verty sensitive about her body and looks and her weight. she likes to tease guys to get attention but it doesn't go further. she recently complained about feeling depressed after having a cold and consuming less pot & other drugs. she started crying and screaming at her mom she was tired and bored. which category would u classify her and is she beyond help and what are the signs for heavy cocaine use?

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

Your friend sounds like she may be addicted to drugs and maybe alcohol. She may feel hyper and be unable to calm herself and instead of seeing her doctor to find a solution, she is self medicating. She could have ADHD or another disorder causing her to feel this way and she needs medication, but instead is using alcohol and pot, both depressants, to calm herself.

She could also have issues in her past and is using alcohol and drugs to cope with her pain. Many people who use have backgrounds of abuse and use so they do not have to feel their own pain about what they have been through. You mentioned that your friend is close to her family, but that does not exclude the possibility that someone abused her in childhood. Also, her relationships with men do not appear to be healthy. That may be a clue that something happened to her as a child.

Cocaine addiction is marked by significant weight loss, insomnia, increased activity, muscle jerks, and possible hallucinations. Feelings of paranoia and grandiosity are common with heavy use.

You can suggest to your friend that she get help. Seeing her doctor first may be easier. Some people are more willing to see a doctor before they will see a mental health professional. The doctor may be able to convince her to get help.

You can also try an intervention. Here is a link to tell you more about interventions:

Either way, your friend needs help. Try to be supportive as possible, but realize that she may refuse help until she hits bottom or ends up in a hospital where she can be cared for.

I hope this helps you,

TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
she was abandoned by her father when she was 10-11 yrs old. he packed up and left suddenly for another woman. later on on weekend visits the step mother treated her unfairly but no abuse. her ex- dumped her after 8 years, then married the new girl in 8 months. so 2 times she has been rejected, abandoned and left her with a habit of long term pot use? so

It sounds like her father leaving is probably the reason behind her difficulty with relationships, at least healthy ones. Her boyfriend leaving after 8 years probably confirmed any feelings that she has about herself that she is unlovable or not important to men.

Her drug and alcohol use may be attributed to the pain of her father leaving and her step mother's treatment. Even if the step mother was unfair to her, it can be hurtful, especially if her father did nothing to stop it. Abuse or mistreatment of any kind during childhood, the development years, can cause deep pain that lasts a lifetime without help.

It sounds like your friend is covering her pain. She may be getting worse with her use because she is addicted or becoming addicted.


Customer: replied 5 years ago.

SHE SAID SHE HAD PSYch counselling for 6 months that helped her a lot. now she is close with father, however her history and habits with ex has left her with an agressive difficult personality to love. how do i handle her without losing friendship?

You can only suggest help for her, and maybe tell her family about trying an intervention. Unless your friend really wants help or starts to see the effects of her drug and alcohol use is negatively affecting her life, she will continue to use. It is serving a purpose for her now and letting go of that takes something more negative happening so she sees the consequences.

Be as supportive as you can while gently reminding her that you are worried about her. Suggest that she try to see the counselor that she saw before again. If you are supportive and try to offer help, she knows she can come to you if needed. If she refuses, you may end up losing her friendship. But that may be good. She will see her loss of you as a negative thing, which may help spur her to get help.


TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thanks a lot for your cincere help...i know exactly what you mean.. Pete


You are very welcome! I am glad to be here for you. I know it is very difficult to try to help someone who is in such pain. You can see it clearly and want to help, but there is little you can do until they break through the denial. The intervention may help with that if you can get family and friends to go along with you. That is the best way to help her at this point.

You may also want to try contacting Al anon if you have not already, to see if they have any ideas for her and you. Here is a link:

My best to you and your friend. She is truly blessed to have you. And if I can help anytime in the future, let me know.

Take care,


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
ok sounds good....i'll start a conversation with her to see what direction she wants, thanks again and i'll get back if i have more questions peter

Ok, I hope it goes well. Take care


Customer: replied 4 years ago.


You're welcome!