Right exactly, I know this and had really been working at it...so easy with friends..the ones that know me...I worked 11.5 years with Thoroughbred Retirement and Rescue...Dean always said it was the easiest money we ever made...we really just trated dollars...and got beat out of $35,000. in the end...3 horses died of starvation and neglect
in less than 6 months of leaving my care...anyway, I did
and gave volunteered for the benefit of the horses...it took all my time and when Dean left in 2008 those horses and my broodmares were all I had..I loved them and they loved me.....when the last of the retired and rescued racehorses left, had a lot of time, the local animal control started using me as an expert..called me in on cases of equine neglect, etc. Unfortunately the laws here are messed up and watched those guys, that were not horsemen learn from me and givee their heart and soul to try to help the animals (horses), they couldn't do much in the end...always help them when they call, but do not go out to look at with them anymore. Just can't handle it hurts my already broken heart too much..
I have a few very close friends...do not have interest in meeting new people..going anywhere really, and was such an out going person before...feel like it is one of the reasons he left me again...my mind knows it is not my fault, but so much blamed on me...so many demands, and so much deciet by him..my best friend of 30 years sat here in my home lied to me...decieved me ..stole from me...she refused to talk to me tell me why when I found out what she was doing behind my back....I know from Dr. he was Manic....Dr. said it might take as long as six months for him to crash...she was right...but still treats me as though I am/ was the entire problem...this has all changed...damaged me...feel so stuck in this pattern of tears and hurt...being ignored, treated like I am/was nothing...sometimes think it would have been easier (sadly/regretfully) if the stroke
had killed him...
Did I tell you he bought a gun last December to commit suicide? I found out about it in May or June...he told me bought it to kill himself b/c of me...Reading this book by J. ***** *****..Compelled to Control...so much of what book is about fits him...a pattern of making me the bad person...he tried to convince so many people I was crazy...and right now I do feel a little crazy...why do I need him to face me? Is it my age...that I trusted and was soo betrayed by someone that meant so much to me??