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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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Mystep son may be putting something in dad food, drink, what

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mystep son may be putting something in dad food, drink, what could it be. He has lost 40+ pounds, gotten very forgetful, sleeps all the time, get light headed, talks out of it, gets off track in conversation really fast. Just gone down last two month, been to doctor had all test, the cant explain says dad has no health problem. I think his son is giving him something. How would I know.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

The symptoms you describe could be many things---a unprescribed medication, or a poison of some type. Routine blood tests won't reveal what might be in his blood stream. At this point, I would contact his father's physicians and ask for a brief appointment. They will tell you whether they are also suspicious that some foul play is occurring. You can share your concerns and suspicions and ask them to at least contact the police to let them know what is happening. Explain that if your husband dies and it is later found that the medical staff treating him had been alerted to the possibility of poisoning, and never did anything about it, they could be held liable for damages and malpractice. So they actually do, legally and ethically, have a 'duty to warn' the police (and I'd make sure I use this phrase as it has legal meaning to all health care providers---"duty to warn"). Tell the doctor that you are willing to be interviewed first, if need be. Then, if the interview occurs, tell the investigator you feel it is very important that they tell your stepson that his dad's blood work and health decline appear to be very suspicious and that if the man happens to die, there is almost no chance that any inheritance or money will be distributed from the man's estate. You'd want to ask the police to try to find out if your stepson has a life insurance policy taken out on his dad that you don't know about.

I'm suggesting the above steps because it is important for you to be somewhat protected from the stepson knowing that you initiated this investigation. It should be initiated by the doctors. If nothing else, you can explain to the police that even if nothing is found in the blood work (i.e., the police can probably have your husband's blood or hair tested for poisons---which routine medical blood tests won't pick up at, say a clinic or hospital); IN THE VERY LEAST the stepson will now know that he has to stop what he is doing with the poisoning, or else he stands a good chance of being discovered----that is, he will have to suspect that the police are watching this situation and will consider the man's death suspicious. What I'm saying here is that merely having an investigation right now can protect your husband's life in the future because the stepson will stop doing whatever he is doing out of fear of being caught. What do you think?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I receiving email stating you needed more information but does not say what you need
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
No, that email must have been an error. You can simply read my last post and then respond, react to what I wrote. I merely outlined some ideas and steps and asked you what you thought. So you can just tell me literally, what you think about these ideas.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
well not what i expected to hear, I knew most of that. I was just wondering if by chance I know this kid is on crack and if he could possibly be putting some in his dad medicine, food etc. Next doctor visit I will discuss your suggestions with the docotr and go from there. Something is going on and it just happen suddenly when this kid all of a sudden quit his job. Most of family members that are not decreased do not live in this area, so I am trying to figure out what is going on on my own.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
Well this is very interesting now. Following a period of feeling a bit too 'up' or even agitated, the man would then sleep for extended periods after the crack wore off. While on the drug, he would show increased rate of speech and would seem 'hyper' and would have difficulty sitting still. He would for instance, want to move and may complain of feeling 'antsy'. Now it is uncertain whether the blood tests in the doctor office would likely have detected cocaine or meth if he was giving him crack. I doubt he was tested for this drug, frankly. But this is a good first lead to start with and you can take action on your own with the man. For example, you can go to Walmart and for less than around $30, get a full drug screen urine test using a urine sample (about 2 oz. will do it) or get him to go to a local clinic that does drug testing. This can cover meth, cocaine, opiates, THC and benzodiazepines. The test kits are highly sensitive and accurate. Also, your local hospital or county health agency can tell you where to go to have a nurse do the test for you. This latter idea is quickest and easiest. Anyone can go in and pay to have a full drug screen conducted--no need for a physician referral for this. What do you think?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I will work on your suggestions, the only thing is this man/my fiance is very protective of his son. I am a corrections offficer and see a lot of things in the facility this is what makes me suspicious of his son. My fiance is even in denial of his son doing drugs but one of our inmates confirmed to me that she sold to his son. His son's conduct shows that he is on something. Also my fiance's sister confirms that her brother is afraid of her son. My fiance allowed his son to move in with him when his mother died in 2005, this was suppose to be brief stay but has turned into what seems to be permenate. My fiance has put a lock on his door and admit that his son throws things of his away or things as well as his money disaapeared but again he seems to be afraid to confront his son becasuse he says" he son has a temper". It is hard for me to interact her because my fiance takes up for his son. This is a small community and everyone has noticed, they always call or come to me asking what is wrong with my fiance. Yes, everyone in community knows and confirms his son is on drugs, everyone but his father/my fiance. Yes, I wish there was some way I could get his son turned in, arrested, something just so he could get some help for this addiction but I don't know what to do. His son quit his job almost three months ago and within that time is when his father/my fiance health has just greatly decreased, these symtons of confusion, loss of memory, loss of weight. Yes, we are seeing a doctor that did mri, blood work, etc and has not found anything wrong. His next appointment is in about a week. Oh his doctor did prescribe megestrol and another medication(name unknown) that my fiance informed me someone threw away. Now tell me who else would throw medication away when only the two of them live in that household. I suggested to my fiance that his son did that and he admits that it is possible but refuses to confront his son. Seems I am damed if I do, damed if I do. I wonder why do I even bother, just get out of this relationship and let by gone by bygones but I hate to see this happening to this almost helpless man. What do I do.

Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
I have two thoughts based on your last post. First, you should get your fiance in for another doctors appointment and prep the doctor before hand about what your concerns are, explain the level of denial your fiance shows, and ask them to do a full drug screen based on urine or blood. If there is a positive test, having a physician inform your fiance will be undeniable evidence that his son is up to 'no good' and may be trying to harm him. Better this news come from an independent, dispassionate expert, than you, perhaps.

The other, main point is YOU. You really cannot marry into this situation, in which you start a new marriage with this man, and have his son living with you or enmeshed in your life. You need to decide on some strict boundaries. First, before you agree to marry, the son must move out and this man has to agree to start going to AlAnon with you, so you can set further boundaries on his behavior and not enable him to be self destructive. I don't know what tentative date you've set for getting married, but I would attempt to set one, because if your fiance can't agree to these boundaries, limits and managing his son with firmness and consistency, you really need to then tell him that you are breaking your engagement and must leave the relationship. You can explain that you wish to marry him, but you do not want to get married to someone who is enmeshed in a troubled relationship with his son. "I'll marry you, but not your son".

What do you think about these approaches?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Oh the marriage has already be severed. I have informed him of your above suggestion regarding out marriage, this will not be taking place. I just feel in my heart his son is doing something. As I said though is very hard to get fiance to open his eyes and believe his son is doing anything even with the money, medicine and etc that comes up missing at the house. He admits to me he thinks his son is doing it but he is so confused, disoriented he is afraid to approach his son.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 5 years ago.
I'm sorry this is turning out unhappily for all concerned! Your fiance obviously isn't able to see that only you are really looking out for his best interests. Please let me know if I can be of further help. Please click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks.
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