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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5809
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate, Thanks for your earlier response. I appreciate it but

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Kate,
Thanks for your earlier response. I appreciate it but putting some or for that matter any of your suggestions into place right seems impossible.
I going to share something with you that only my "other" therapist knows. About two weeks ago I was picking up my daughter from a friends place. It was only 5:30 p.m. but already dark outside. I couldn't see the house numbers but it was in a good area of the city and it turned out I parked only 4 houses away.
As soon as I got out of my car, someone pushed me face first into the side of it and heldl me there. They wispered in my ear the following "don't cause any trouble unless you would like a second child." I was terrified and I was pushed the exact same way into my car when one of the sexual assaults happened about two years ago.
I did not see the person's face or recognize the voice. But it had to be someone who knew me and knew about the assaults due to the content of the message given to me.
I knew I should have parked right outside the house where my daughter was but I could not see well.
Then in the course of two weeks I experienced a very bad infection in my molar which resulted in it needed extracation, was rushed to emergency due to severe abdominal pain (due to a problem in my pancrease), rushed back two days later because I was covered from head to toe in hives and then developed a second infection in my tooth after it was pulled.
I think this all became too much for me. I don't or at least try not to feel sorry for myself but this time, I gave in to a pity party for myself.
On Friday at my session, my doctor insisted we call the police and she stayed an extra 5 1/2 hours with me for support while I spoke with them. I was terrifed and they have referred me to Special Victims Unit. I will have to call them.
The problem is I am jealous that she could go home to her family and enjoy them and I was left with a big mess and so many many emotions. I can't stop crying. I can't stop wishing for death. I can't stop feeling sorry for myself but worst of all I feel so filled with anger and impatience with everyone around my.
Sorry this is so long. I haven't even journaled this yet.
Kathy
p.s. Happy New Year.

Hello Kathy,

I appreciate you sharing the story of your attack. We did talk about it earlier, a few weeks ago when it originally happened, which you may not recall because of the intense emotion you were experiencing around the attack. It helped to hear about it again, though, because sometimes telling it again at a later time adds details or helps because you have had time to process it.

I was not aware of all the medical incidents, though. That was a lot to go through, especially right after the attack.

I am glad to know that your therapist supported you and that she encouraged you to contact the police. I think that was a good move on your part and having her there had to have helped a lot.

When you go through multiple traumatic incidents like you have, especially in such a short period of time, it is very easy and sometimes feels almost automatic to turn the feelings onto yourself and have a pity party. Pity parties sound bad, but they are a necessary part of getting through traumatic events. It is a rare person that can face a huge trauma then brush themselves off and get on with life. Pity parties help you console yourself and comfort yourself after such a horrible event. And as long as you don't get stuck with feeling sorry for yourself and eventually move on, a pity party can be very healthy.

Being jealous of your therapist going on with her life while you suffer is a way to express your insecurities about what you went through. You feel it is not fair that others go on while you suffer. Jealousy is often caused by feeling you are less worthy than others. But jealousy is also based on assumptions, and therapists are often subjects of assumption just because it is the nature of their job to leave themselves out of therapy and focus on the person they are working with. This leaves room to assume all kinds of things about their lives and to transfer your feelings onto them.

It would help you to express these feelings to your therapist. It is actually very healthy that you felt jealous of her because your relationship allowed you to express a deep feeling and attitude you hold about your life onto her. Talking about it with her will help you discover the reasons behind why you feel jealous and what can be done to help you deal with the feeling in the future.

Kate

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