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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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Iv been in a 16 yr relationship, which ended 7 weeks ago,

Customer Question

Iv been in a 16 yr relationship, which ended 7 weeks ago, after 8 months of arguing. I asked him to leave after hitting him and saying some very nasty things, which i have never done in this relationship before. I have since told him sorry and told him how much i love him, i have done nothing short of begging and pleading for 6 weeks but he says i hurt him to much and he s not coming back. Is there anything i can do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 5 years ago.


There may be things to do to try and reunite. He may expect you to own your part of the issues that caused the arguments for the last 8 months. That does not mean that he is not responsible for it, it only indicates that you are stepping up and letting him know what you've realized during this time period. You may also list some ideas you've gotten about what could have been done differently (by both parties) and in asking him for his feedback. He surely would have something to say regarding that even though he may be hurt and angry at this time.

Remind him that all couples have their ups and downs and as long as both partners are willing to work things out, there is always hope for the better. Point out to him that the two of you had spent 16 years together and that not all of these years were difficult or problematic. Ask him to identify what according to him may have changed within the relationship and affected both of you to act the way you did. This is not a time for blame bur rather sorting things out, reflecting on the past, on each one's behaviors and reactions.

Try to find out if there is something he thinks may be helpful for the two of you such as working with a therapist, relationship coach, engaging in further self introspection, etc.

Right now the issue is too fresh and you may ask him if he would be willing to talk with you when both of you feel calmer and more clear headed.