I thank you for your input, and agree that I must be the strong one. I suppose the truth is that I'm just as bad as they are in regards XXXXX XXXXX with lifes problems by ighting up.
RESULTS ON QUITTING
Our 21 day quitting experiment ended early, and everyone is back to the smoking, including me. For the 17 days that everyone was completely without smoking, the big plus, was feeling better because of control over eating junk. Normally we eat healthy until the munchies set in. My 19 yr old and husband are always trying to gain weight so for them it's mixed because of the loss of appetite without smoking. They all say they will smoke much less after seeing how much better they felt when off it (food abuse).
I didn't mention this before becaue I didn't know how much I could get into since this type of therapy ($19) obviously has it's limitations. I will mention it now, but understand you may not be able to address much more.
HOW IT STARTED
At a party a couple of years ago my husband and I discovered all the younger generation were smoking pot. Two nephews and our older daughter, all 21 at the time. They told us they recently figured out we smoked as well. BotXXXXX XXXXXne is we all smoked together at this party at my parents ranch. My parents like to have their drinks and had no problem with it since everyone was adults. My mom even joined in.
My brother found out, told my sister, and there has been a family feud ever since.
My sisters 23 yr old son moved in with us recently because he was thrown out of his home for pot smoking (seperate situation from us). My sister has pretty much disowned me, and so that is probably the biggest problem I have now. I apologized, but it did
no good, and she responded with a an email condemning me and my family.
After 3 months of anger and hurt from her letter, I finally returned her email telling her of the resentments I had been harboring regarding her self rightgeous attitude. She's constantly condemning me and everyone for their sins (gays, drinkers, etc). She often says people are possessed and going to hell kind of stuff. She comes to us with crazy dreams from God and a lot of talk that many don't understand. She comes from a very judgemental place even before she found out about the pot. My parents retired a few years ago and every Sat night they have a few drinks. She has made no secret of her disapproval of that, or any kind of drinking (even coffee), so they have been on the other end of her judgement as well.
After she received my letter, she responded with little apology for a couple of things she couldn't nt deny, but is now "healing" to put it in her words. As a result of all this she didn't show up for the first time ever at Christmas (at my parents). My parents think she's over the top with her judgement, and do not understand why she would let anything keep her from spending time with family on special holidays. I had assured her there would be no inappropriate behavior such as pot smoking on Christmas, but this seams to be beside the point now. My brother and I are on good terms again, but it's a very sensitive situation at this point.
WHAT I WANT
I guess the botXXXXX XXXXXne is that I need to figure out how I want my life to be, then follow that path. The truth is that I enjoy spending the time with my husband, daughters and newphew with or without the pot. We have a great time together, and for me to avoid them all when the smoking is happening would likely mean years of my being left out (as you said), and they would start avoiding me as they do my siblings. I see life too short to loose all that time with them. The other side of it is, the pot smoking with them is still in the early stages, so it would be easier now to change the future, then later, after years of this. With or without pot I don't enjoy my sister, so we wouldn't spend a lot of time together either way, so part of me says why quit for her or do anything for her. Quitting completely forever, and pursuing Christianity would be the only way to improve the relationship with her. My family and I do believe in the Christian spirit of loving one another, but feel my sister takes it to a whole new level.
At this point I'm thinking the best thing to do is to find what makes me happy, and pour myself into that, not making pot the topic of the situation in any case. Not making it the big evil can't do, but also not making it the center of fun activities either. Making myself an example of a happy and healthy mom that knows what she wants and is going after it. My goal is not to smoke with the kids, and minimize it with my husband. I don't want to be a hypicrite with the kids so I won't lie about my doing it on occassion with my husband, but I'll also let them know smoking with them makes me feel like an irresponsible parent. I don't want them to go back to smoking in parks and cars with friends, so I won't tell them they can't do it, but to keep it out side and out of sight.
Regarding what you said on "conflicts getting smoked away", I think that my family talks a lot more when smoking, so if anything, conflicts get talked to death, but I'm glad you mention that so that I can be more aware of another potential problem. The relationship with my 19 yr old was getting pretty closed down until the pot. She's opened up quite a bit, and we've been able to dig deep on some of her more serious issues such as insecurities and attitude towards us.
I don't think I want to join a group like Al-anon because I believe it would likely cause my husband to feel defensive, and as I said before we do have a good life, and I don't want to tear my imediate family apart over this, or anything.
I welcome any other input you may have, and do appreciate your encouragement to be strong. There is so much in life to look forward to, so focusing on that may be the answer for me. Be strong! I will take that and run with it!
If there's anything I've said that you want to comment on or disagree with, please do!
Thanks so much,