Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health
This answer was rated:

I've been with my fiancee for 6 years, we have been engaged

Hi, I've been with my...
Hi, I've been with my fiancee for 6 years, we have been engaged for almost a year now. Lately i've been feeling confused, unsure of whether or not i want to get married, thinking of everything that i don't like about my relationship as opposed to  the things that i do like. About a month ago we had issues in regards ***** ***** prenup that his mother was forcing him to get, it put alot of pressure on me and i definitely feel like it strained our relationship. I feel like if i get married , i might get a divorce and i'm scared. It's like i think that i won't be satisfied or fully happy and i might end up cheating because of my needs not being met. Is this crazy, am i psyching myself out because the wedding is so close? I love him, we have amazing memories and have experienced a lot together and i have a great time with him, we've been living together for 3 years out of the 6 and we've learned a lot about each other in the process. There are certainty a few things i don't like about him or his lifestyle and ofcourse i have faults too but i feel that if need be they can be accepted.. I recently turned 26 and I've been with him since i was 19. I've also only been with him intimately - he's my first. I no longer feel a sexual attraction to him and when we have sex, it does nothing for me- I don't feel an emotional connection, i feel like im having sex to please him. I'm scared that maybe i'm getting cold feet, or that im really just not into the relationship anymore. I'm suppose to get married in 5 months, i told him i didn't feel as happy as i could be, and he's a resident at the hospital and never finds enough time to talk about this. Please help me figure out my feelings. I know that if i break up with him it will hurt me and i will miss him and what not... because he was my first everything. But i also don't want to get married feeling this unsure and then divorcing =(.  I feel like there is so much that i want in life.... marriage and kids being one of them... but should i settle if im not sure because im afraid no one else will come along?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 17 minutes by:
12/20/2011
Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
Verified
Mark Manley :

Hello are you available to chat about your questoion

Customer:

Yes, how are you

Customer:

Hi

Mark Manley :

I am doing great but I am concerned about your situation

Customer:

so am i =/

Customer:

I don't know how to figure it out

Mark Manley :

I don't have a crystal ball but from what you are saying I can see why you are concerned

Customer:

Yes, i'm very concerned because i don't want to make a mistake

Customer:

I don't know if how i feel is normal

Mark Manley :

My two biggest concerns are your age when you began the relationship and your lack feeling in love at the moment

Customer:

exactly...i wonder if somewhere inside my mind im thinking that i didn't enjoy my life enough or that i could have done more. Not to mention, 2 of the years we've been together were long distance

Mark Manley :

You need to go so slow. Put the wedding back and tell him the truth about why you want to put it back. Also you have to get married only because of love not because you fear being alone (at least that's according to my value system you have to know and live by your own value system).

Customer:

I was thinking about that, maybe postponing it will help...but how will i figure out my feelings...

Customer:

hello?

Mark Manley :

You don't want to hear this but, you will probably need some alone time (out of the relationship) to figure out your feelings. This may include making yourself available to do some dating of other men. If this marriage is meant to be it will survive a period of separation you will not be the first couple who has gone through such a thing and come out stronger for it whether that means together or separately.

Customer:

Okay, thank you so much for your help. I do have to ask though, do you think this is normal for someone in my position, given our relationship to feel this way? could it just be cold feet?

Mark Manley :

Your whole life is a long time not to be sure of your decision. Conversely your whole life is a long time to be sure about the decision you made. Meaning when you know you did the right thing it helps you get through the tough times that come to all couples through the years.

Customer:

Thank you.... i somehow still feel lost

Mark Manley :

Regarding: is it just a normal thing to go through i.e. cold feet? I don't see this as just cold feet, because of the length of time the two of you have been together and because you were so young when you got together. I see this more as you needing to know yourself better before you give yourself to another.

Mark Manley :

I think you feel lost because you are asking some soul searching questions at this time not just going along with the program. The answers to those questions are not easy to find and it's normal to feel lost while you are searching. Every thing you have been assuming about your life and your relationship is being questioned by you right now and that is so uncomfortable and feels so out of control and ungrounded.

Customer:

That gives me a lot more clarity, just being able to understand my situation a little better. I can't thank you enough. I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision.

Mark Manley :

What you are passing through is healthy but very uncomfortable, the good thing is if you give yourself some time and space to go through the process of questioning, searching and discovering eventually you will feel and be better.

Customer:

thank you soo much. You've given me really good advice and i already feel a little bit better about facing this.

Mark Manley :

Try to have confidence that you must be attractive if have attracted what sounds to be a pretty great guy and kept him around so long. If so you are attractive (and I am sure you are in many ways) then he will be around or you will find someone even better suited to you. BELIEVE

Mark Manley :

Best of success to you

Mark Manley :

Sincerely,

Mark Manley :

Mark Manley

Customer:

Thank you so so very much! I hope you have an a wonderful holiday and a blessed new year, thank you once again!

Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
Verified
Mark Manley and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Mark Manley Your Own Question
Mark Manley
Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
402 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.

Mark Manley is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back
My ex did gay porn but swears he's not gay.. he's so back and forth with me.. he was addicted to oxy I love him but he's so closed off… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I
I keep thinking about what I did when I was younger, when I was about 6 I remeber like kissing almost making out with my two sisters, they were 5 and 4 then later when I was about 14-15 I developed la… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in
I am having terrible guilt and shame about things I did in my past which have suddenly come to my consciousness - when I was about 16 I was extremely sexual and ended up sniffing knickers on a number … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the
Hi Leah,I had a question I did get to mention yesterday..the thread was getting a bit to long anyway lol… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but
I did ask a male professional earlier about my problem, but it would be great to get a female psychologists view also. My husband and I have not had sex in 6 years. He had a mild stroke 5 years ago, b… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
My husband call me a, he did it today. I told him under no
My husband call me a bitch, he did it today. I told him under no circumstances do you have the right to call a woman a bitch. He also tells me that I am miserable. Everytime he starts a fight. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some
its kind of imbarrising.. I did realize I could chat to some one on here … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one
My doctor switched me from sertraline to viibryd. I did one week of 10 mg, then 2 weeks of 20 mg, now back to 10mg so I can switch back to sertraline. I don't like viibryd. How can I safely switch bac… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not
Dear Dr. Keane, just a quick message to say that I did not get that job, enough time has passed by to now know this. I've plenty to say, but not plenty of time this week as my gran is now visiting, so… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet
I have a friend who says she has DID but she doesn't meet the criteria. Her alters are dead people. Mostly characters from Movies or Musicals like Phantom of the Opera. Would this behavior be a sympto… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did
Why some people get angry if other people point out they did wrong things? I would think when people know they did wrong things they should feel sorry and try to correct. Thanks.… read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, I did what you suggested about my dad.
Dear Dr. Keane,I did what you suggested about my dad. Actually, I spoke to my mum too and she's right, it just is not his kind of thing, to get support. You were right, when I initially brought up the… read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with
Thank you. I did download a book about a little boy with autism, from the perspective of an autistic child, but it turned out to be 64 pages long and just a little too grown up -- even though it menti… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife
My husband lied to me about his. He did cheat on his ex-wife after all. Now he says I am sticking my nose into his business. … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being
My wife and I did some role reversal consisting of her being dominant. Domestic discipline and domination. SometiMrs she makes me wear panties. I find embarrassing but arousing too. The whole mentalk … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other
have DID. totally dissociated for the first time the other day in therapy and embarrassed self. now terrified to face therapist again. any ideas how to calm anxiety and face therapist?… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the
I've been having serious guilt over something I did in the past. It all triggered when I saw a kid that used to live on my street. I'm 18 now. At the time of incident I was about 11/12 and the kid was… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
794 satisfied customers
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I
I did a no no and tried to look up articles about what I have and how pure O can sometimes be misdiagnosed as pedophila! Well I read a comment where one person says even if they've had these thoughts … read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x