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Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
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Im really stuck on something and am hoping to obtain a

Resolved Question:

Hey, Im really stuck on something and am hoping to obtain a little advise from 1) an expert and 2) hopefully a female since this problem Im having is with the opposite sex...
My question is: Is there anyway to salvage a huge mistake like being clingy after a first date?
Now I know that this is a deal breaker for sure and Im definatly getting that reaction from her. We met on an online dating site and I am 10 years older than her and am successful in my career and make an above average income and she is a fourth year med student who is also ambitious and successful.
She sought me out and made the initial contact and our connection was amazing. Within one week, we were talking/texting every day and went out of our first date wihich was a very nice evening.
I have been single for six years and have never had feelings for someone like this but a couple of times in my life. Im not by any means a desperate, boring, or clingy person as Ive been very happy being single and am in peace with myself..
Anyway..heres what happened. I lost my mind! Emotions over took all logical thinking and I suddenly found myself with extreme anxiety and depression when she stopped talking to me and I didnt eat or sleep for several days. I noticed that she was reading my emails but never replying to them and the more she ignored the worse the aniety got which made
every message I sent thereafter more and more rediculous.
After about a week I did finally hear back from her saying she was just busy and to slow down. I did send two more messages after that appologizing to her and told her I really dont know what got into me and that I just really liked her..
I finally just stopped all contact...I was planning on just leaving her alone for a couple of weeks and defintaly until after the holidays and maybe check in on her? Or should I just never contact her and take the stance that if she is intersted then she will eventually contact me? And if I do contact her, what do i say to not make myself look anymore rediculous than I already feel?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.

Thanks for bringing your question to JustAnswer.

Telling a person who's just met you that your behavior is uncharacteristic of you doesn't hold much weight. Your behavior is all she has to go on.

I would wait until after the holidays, then call her up and ask her out as you would any other woman. Rather than telling her that the incident is out of character, demonstrate it by a normal date, and not sending another email or text until you have her reply from the previous one. Don't go into a big explanation, and stop telling her you really like her. It's too soon. Remember, she doesn't know that you stopped eating and sleeping (hopefully you didn't tell her that!) All you did that she knows is that you sent multiple emails without waiting for her reply first.

She's a med student....there are fewer busier people on earth. Make sure you can handle a relationship where communication may be infrequent.

And honestly, your reaction (not eating or sleeping) suggests that while you may be very secure in your career, and function well on your own--something about this girl is triggering something in you from your past. When a person's reaction is way out of proportion to the actual situation, it means a past hurt is being triggered. If you want to have the best chance with this girl, assuming she accepts the second date, it would be in your best interest to book a few sessions with a therapist to see why your reaction was so over the top. Here's a therapist directory to help you find someone to figure this out with:

Make the date by phone, if at all possible, to negate anymore overwhelming her with emails/texts. She asked you to slow down, not go away, so that leaves the door open for one more chance.

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