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Mark Manley
Mark Manley, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 402
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Over 15 years exp. Married 30 years and happy.
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how do you date someone with self defeating personality disorder

Resolved Question:

how do you date someone with self defeating personality disorder ?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 5 years ago.
Please tell me more. How long have you been dating, why did you choose this person, how bad off is this person (how severe are the symptoms), did you have mental illness in your family of origin that predisposes you to relating with troubled people, before this person came in to your life did you have much dating experience, was it positive, do you have any handicaps that limit your dating options?

With a more complete picture I can give you a better answer.

Mark Manley
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
We have been dating for six months and she is the love of my life. I choose her because she makes me laugh, she understands me and she just makes me happy in general. Her symptoms are an 8-9 on a scale of 10 she is aware and awknowledges them she is on anti deppressants 50mg of zoloft in was increased 2 weeks ago from 25mg. I am a nurse so i have dealt with people with mental health issues. I do not have any dating handicaps and i have dated both seriously and non seriously in the past. I do not want to end this relationship but she constantly pushes the boundaries and tries to scare me away, what can i do to help her realize that im in it for the long haul ?
Expert:  Mark Manley replied 5 years ago.
Thanks for the additional information, it is very helpful.

You are, and will continue to be, working harder than she is at the relationship. This 'over doing' goes with the territory but you must exercise caution so you don't burn out and so things don't get too out of balance.
You must do an inventory periodically and evaluate if you are allowing her to contribute all she is able to the relationship. This balance is a fine art that you will have to continue to find as you go.

If you are not currently confronting her occasionally on her irrational comments and beliefs you will want to incorporate this as you go along. You can let a lot of the rubbish go by but at least once in a while you need to confront her on her nonsense for your sanity and hers.

I have learned by experience with clients that many people suffer from sub- clinical thyroid malfunction and have great improvement in depressive and other negative symptoms when thyroid hormone levels are brought into balance. It is also important to have hormone levels checked. Bio-identical hormone replacement therapy can be very helpful with all aspects of ones mental and emotional health. Please check out Dr. XXXXX XXXXXstein's work at His books and videos are packed with helpful information on these topics.

Hope that helps. I wish you all the best - Mark

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