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Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
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Why is my ex mistress stalking me 10 months after I broke it

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why is my ex mistress stalking me 10 months after I broke it off? She currently has a boyfriend and she comes by at least 3-4 times a week.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

If she is coming by that much as you suspect she isn't over you. That much is not a coincidence. You should be as indifferent as possible because that proves to her that you don't have the same feelings. She needs to focus on her relationship. You should also be direct and firm with her letting her know that you don't enjoy her visits. Avoid any contact that you possibly can because that sends a message as well. I would if possible say to her that you are not interested and would hope that she would move on so that everyone is happy once and for all. She may take some convincing but the combination of directness and indifference has to continue until she gets it. Keep ignoring her as much as possible and eventually she will move on (it's just taking her longer than necessary).

Please press accept; this is the only way I am compensating

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Heres the thing. She is related to my wife and this has caused a huge problem for her extended family. There was a family function about a month ago and I emailed her to leave me alone and that she is creeping me out by coming by. I told her I never wanted to see or speak to her again. At this function she was making all efforts to make eye contact with me and I ignored her. Finally when I was leaving she was at the exit and had a big smile on her face and said oh there you are really loud. My wife knows what I did with her and we are working things out but this really got her angry. Also I think I have feelings for her still and this afternoon I was thinking about her and I had a little break down and Im kind of freaked out by it. That never happened before to me so im kind of scared it will happen again.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
This is complicated. She is trying to bait you. Don't go for it. She wants you to be uncomfortable. Stay with being confident over being rattled. She may enjoy watching you squirm. Don't let it get to you. If you have feelings for her she is going to pick up on that and this alone will make her try harder. You have to decide what your feelings are if you are going to be successful in alienating her. If you show for a minute that you aren't sure then you give her ammunition. Be careful that you know what you want
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I know that she enjoys making people suffer if they are against her. I am just so confused and I dont know what else to do. Im going nuts because I want to forget about her and she wont let me. I just dont understand why. I keep thinking she wants me back thats why I had my break down today because Im trying to work things out with my wife because I love her and she is giving me another chance. But I was so in love with this lady that at one point I was willing to leave my wife for her but I broke it off because it would ruin everybody elses life. When I found out she was seeing sombody else and still being romantic with me (after the break up) I was so disappointed. I dont know what I want and I dont think she wants me back....I just think she wants to make my life hell because I picked my wife over her.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Then focus on your wife. Every time she is there it is a distraction. Shut down the part of you that wants to wonder about her. She knows you loved her so this can create this game that she is playing because her relationship isn't hanging by a string. If you don't know what you want she is picking up on that. Until you know you can't fight off her behaviors towards you. She may want to make your life hell but she is probably just trying to see if she can get you to choose
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I hope this isnt a dumb question and I dont know if you can answer this either. By her actions I told you is she still interested or is she just trying to get me to break it off with my wife so she can have revenge? I know I love my wife she is the sweetest person ever and I am focusing on her. But this lady keeps messing with my head and said alot of nasty things about me and I was a wreck for a couple of months. The only thing I ever did was be nice to her. Again I think I still have feelings for her. Does it sound like she has some type of mental disorder.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Ive been waiting for a while and I dont feel that my question was answered. I just wanted to know buy the information I supplied was enough to determine if this person is trying to drive me nuts, get revenge, or want me back.
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.

Thanks for bringing your question to JustAnswer.

Based on the information you provided, this person is trying to get revenge by causing problems in your marriage. She knew your wife would see her trying to make eye contact and being really loud about "there you are" as you were leaving.

She is trying to cause trouble to make up for you choosing your wife. This type of person will break up a marriage, keep the guy for a month or two, and then cheat on him. You said yourself she's the type of person who enjoys making others suffer. Stay far away--this woman is trouble.

Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thank you.