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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5823
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate, Tomorrow I go to see my therapist. I see her twice a

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Tomorrow I go to see my therapist. I see her twice a week right now but where I live she is really only allowed to see each patient for a maximum of 90 minutes a week. I find that seeing her for a second time for only 30 minutes extremely difficult. It is just too difficult to get into anything to deep. However, for the past 2 months she has been seeing me for 2 hour appt's even though she isn't getting paid for the additional 30 minutes. I appreciate this a lot.
My problem is eventually I will need to cut back on the time I see her. I am having a great deal of difficulty getting through the week without seeing her twice. Obviously I am hopeful that this won't always be the case but that is how it stands right now.
I wish I knew how to deal with my feelings. I tend to connect certain things with my attacker. For example, and I hate even writing this word but here goes.....knife. I associate that word with something very bad since he held this object against my body while assaulting me. I have hardly used one since the attack and that was two years ago!
There are many other object that create the same problem for me. Right now, we are working on the above mentioned item by using one for something simple like spreading jam on a piece of toast. I guess normalizing it for me. But to me, I feel so overwhelmed because there are so many bad reminders for me. My therapist says we will just take one at a time until I take back control of my life and become the Kathy that I used to be. Much more carefree and light-hearted.
It saddens me that he still holds so much control over my life. It seems like I have a mountain to climb and it is very steep. I want to get better not only for myself but for my daughter too. However, sometimes I just feel so sad and tired. Tired of trying. Tired of feeling sad. Tired of not having control of my own life. Tired of so many things. Then I just think that I will never see a light at the end of my very dark tunnel.
Well that's it for now. Thanks as always for any thoughts you have.

Hi Kathy, it's good to hear from you.

It is always hard to adjust to the loss of support. Not seeing your therapist twice a week will be a loss. That takes time to get used to, just as you said. Tapering off very slowly may help. Finding ways to let go one small step at a time can help. You may want to start seeing her for shorter and shorter periods of time for the second session (kind of strange I know with only 30 minutes as it is but it can help). Then move to a phone call at your usual time. Then quit. It helps to know that you still have that contact until you feel ready to let go.

Your experience with the knife and your fear around it is very normal. You have PTSD. Fear of anything related to your attack is going to stay with you until you can slowly replace the memories of the attack with new memories. Right now, you are able to think about it some, write the word and talk to your therapist about it so you are dealing with your feelings very well. That is good progress. Yes, it does seem extremely slow and frustrating. But if you try to move on it too fast, you will re traumatize yourself. That is how PTSD works for anyone who has it.

You do have control of your life. You are pushing forward and overcoming your attack. Where you are may not be at the level you were before, but most people have things happen in life that takes them back a few steps. Injuries, deaths and personal tragedies. You had a particularly hard set back but you are making huge progress towards recovery.

It is ok to take a break too. You may want to try stepping back for a little while. Instead, do something that reminds you of when you were younger. Spend a day having fun. Play video games, visit a park, play in water, or visit a candy store. Lose yourself for a bit. It can help when you change directions for a while. It gives you and your emotions a break. And you may find it helps you next time you are in therapy because you can come at it refreshed.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.


Thanks for your response. Your support really helps me during the tough times and especially the time between my sessions with my therapist.

On the weekends, my daughter keeps me pretty busy. We always try to do fun stuff together. We have a very tight bond which I am greatful for. We go to the movies, play board games, walk the dogs, go shopping, etc. She is a great distraction for me. A good one and I love spending time with her.

It's good to get another opinion on my progress as I do not always see it. I see mountains and mountains of hard work ahead of me and sometimes that makes me feel defeated and I don't feel as strong as I think I should be.

You're welcome! I am glad you are feeling better. Anytime you need me, I'm here.

Your daughter sounds like a wonderful young woman. What a blessing she is.

Take care,