Hello there, and thanks for letting me know. You do not
sound drunk you sound like a very smart woman who understands her behaviors and
wonders why those things are happening. My answer to you may sound far fetched
because the disorder that would explain your symptoms is a very rare one. Rare
enough for me to have only have worked with only one other person with your diagnosis
in my 25 years of experience. You have
many of the symptoms of disassociative disorder.
This disorder is the result of extreme trauma.
Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple
Dissociative identity disorder (previously
known as multiple personality disorder) is a fairly common effect of severe
trauma during early childhood, usually extreme, repetitive physical, sexual,
and/or emotional abuse.
What Is Dissociative
Most of us have experienced mild
dissociation, which is like daydreaming or getting lost in the moment while
working on a project. However, dissociative identity disorder is a severe form
of dissociation, a mental process, which produces a lack of connection in a
person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of identity.
Dissociative identity disorder is thought to stem from trauma experienced by
the person with the disorder. The dissociative aspect is thought to be a coping
mechanism -- the person literally dissociates himself from a situation or
experience that's too violent, traumatic, or painful to assimilate with his
Is Dissociative Identity
You may wonder if dissociative identity
disorder is real. After all, understanding the development of multiple
personalities is difficult, even for highly trained experts. But dissociative
identity disorder does exist. It is the most severe and chronic manifestation
of the dissociative disorders that cause multiple personalities.
Other types of dissociative disorders defined
in the DSM-IV, the main psychiatry manual used to classify mental illnesses,
include dissociative amnesia dissociative fugue, and depersonalization disorder.
This explains why you do not remember this because your other personality has taken over. In your second writing I can see a very adult well educated persona.
What Are the Symptoms of
Dissociative Identity Disorder?
Dissociative identity disorder is
characterized by the presence of two or more distinct or split identities or
personality states that continually have power over the person's behavior. With
dissociative identity disorder, there's also an inability to recall key
personal information that is too far-reaching to be explained as mere
forgetfulness. With dissociative identity disorder, there are also highly
distinct memory variations, which fluctuate with the person's split
The "alters" or different
identities have their own age, sex, or race. Each has his or her own postures,
gestures, and distinct way of talking. Sometimes the alters are imaginary
people; sometimes they are animals. As each personality reveals itself and
controls the individuals' behavior and thoughts, it's called
"switching." Switching can take seconds to minutes to days. When
under hypnosis, the person's different "alters" or identities may be
very responsive to the therapist's requests.
Along with the dissociation and multiple or
split personalities, people with dissociative disorders may experience any of
the following symptoms:
Sleep disorders (insomnia,
night terrors and sleep walking)
Anxiety, panic attacks, and phobias
(flashbacks, reactions to stimuli or "triggers")
Psychotic-like symptoms (including auditory
and visual hallucinations)
Other symptoms of dissociative identity
disorder may include headache,
amnesia, time loss, trances, and "out of body experiences." Some
people with dissociative disorders have a tendency toward self-persecution,
self-sabotage, and even violence (both self-inflicted and outwardly directed).
As an example, someone with dissociative identity disorder may find themselves
doing things they wouldn't normally do such as speeding, reckless driving, or
stealing money from their employer or friend, yet they feel they are being
compelled to do it. Some describe this feeling as being a passenger in their
body rather than the driver. In other words, they truly believe they have no
Please see a therapist county mental health and your doctor can help you. Therapy really works to intergrate the 2 personalities and this disorder is treatable.